Should I move with ex?

My ex-husband and I have been divorced for about 10 years and have two older teens together. I have full custody. We divorced because he felt that he “didn’t get to live his bachelor life enough before marriage and kids”. It took me a long time to get past that pain. We still talk on a regular basis but he and the kids don’t. I used to make the kids call him but as they have gotten older it has become a harder battle. We all used to live in WA and loved the environment and people but after the divorce my ex went to another state and I went back to our home state to be near both of our extended families. The kids and I are very close the Aunts, Uncles, and cousins; unfortunately, our parents are gone. I recently graduated with another degree and have had trouble finding a career. I live very far from the city. The kids are honor students and love their high school but I worry about their future opportunities because of our location. My ex-husband wants to relocate us all back to WA. I should have better career opportunities but I am not sure that I want to live with him again. My kids have expressed that don’t mind moving but do not want to live with their dad again, yet I can’t afford to move or get a home for us until I get employed. I don’t know what to do. I want to earn a good wage so I can provide for my kids better and send them to college but I don’t want to leave our family here nor go backwards in my relationship with my ex. He needs a decision soon and I don’t know what to do. I am afraid if I stay nothing will improve but if I go I have nobody to lean on in case things fall apart. I do have many friends in WA but I wouldn’t want to burden them with my problems. I have been debating this for quite some time and need to give him an answer soon. When I tell myself I am going to stay I feel like I am not living my life to the fullest but when I think about going I can’t imagine being away from the people I love. I wish my mother was still alive so I could ask her advice! My siblings support me no matter what but all say they will kill me if I move back in with my ex. Yet, I have no capital to make a change so I would have to depend on him. My friends say that this would be an opportunity for the kids and their father to mend their relationship but I can’t guarantee that either. Sometimes I think too much time has passed for them to have that ideal relationship but I would never hinder it. Please let me know what you think. I am teetering back and forth and could really use a fresh take. Thanks for your time.
Asked Jul 08, 2016
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Answered Sep 21, 2019

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