It seems to stop when I make myself pretty but I dont know how anymore cause I dont have what I need and the hairdresser wont do it how I like cause my dad move me into the countryside and after that everything went down hill.
They were ok until I moved out on my own. Then dad said he would punish me by gaslighting me (for leaving him).
I have been suicidal on and off cutting my wrist and stabbing myself and venting to someone a lot otherwise I would kill myself.
I have been reading how to get along with others but also when I read How to Make Friends and Influence Peope people start being really hostile to me and I dont want to be their friend or even try to get along. I think its all just useless cause people treat me worse when I do.
I have been told I am lazy when I go and study on my own and my neighbor told me I am a dirty bitch and to go clean my house (he observes me in my house, does he?) He said I am a deevil several times.
And my dad told him to tell him if I annoy him to decide if I have the characteristics of a suppressive person (he hold him how to detect). I had recently spent nearly 3 whole days cleaning my house before he said this and then he said it again recently.
The landlord when I moved in told me she would curse the devil on me if I didnt clean up the mess the last neighbors had made stuck paint to the kitchen if I dont get it off and I have to clean the bathroom mirror every day and clean around the taps or she will curse the devil do spells on me or she will cause trouble if I dont clean th bathroom mirror.
A religious women who visited me regularly came back to my house and she suddenly said to me after we had been friendly A women is moving into your neighborhood who is bad and she will curse the devil on you and ruin your name if you dont leave the town and it is ME. She is buying the houses in your area. After that she was friendly as if nothing happened. She seemed genuine and to like me. I had to see her recenty. I told my dad she said it and my dad said not to worry and just brushd it off and ignored it. You would think I did something to provoke this. But I am not aware of anything whatsoever.
I get blamed for other peoples anger well this is regular and accused of being angry I started researching people in my area to see if they are psychopahic due to the constant anger they seem to have. And then people started calling me psychopahic, and other things. When I started gettng angry after a while with people who treated me bad, they started asking each other if I was saying I meant I was psychopathic etc.
I think I am pretty even though Im not as pretty as I could be. And I dont want to look bad for being pretty. I was told not to worry. I am criticized because my parents fight. So people pick on me. Dont worry it not you dad said. And they went off and mom refused to respond to my dad. For 2 and a half years I have studdied non stop but dad told me hes getting revenge on me because I played computer games all the time as a kid. I havent played for years (hardly played at all) And so he needs to get back on me and that Im doing something bad and I am computer games now. But I dont play computers games much now. Hes still mad. I have been a very high achiever student I study from morning until I go to bed but hes still mad even though I told him Im not playing computer games now.
He told me he doesnt want me to work and tried to stop me being able to get work by telling employers because I quit my voluntary job (which I got litte money for) and then told me I had better work. He told someone he did not want me to find work then (when I was 18) and they understood I also wanted to take an IT course and my dad was mad and angry annoyed and upset about this. When I tell him I want to he keeps chanting at me WORK! WORK And later
really loudly GO TO WORK!
I am supposedly bothering my neighbors when I was looking for a place I said I wanted quiet the women called someone and asked for a place that has noisey kids next door,! And then I heard that she thought that was what I wanted, noisey kids and was shocked that I didnt want noisey kids around irritating me.
My noisey neighbors kids recently complained that I was quiet.
A little kid started annoying me but Im pretty sure someone told him to cause he said the same things as other kids did at other places I thought we could get along and then he started hanging around me and saying things trying to speak and saying random words. I wouldnt have been angry if he hadnt before been annoying. I just told him I have no idea what he is saying.
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