Will this formal letter help my principal to approve my friendship day party?

Dear Principal, Ms. Collin
I am writing you this letter to ask you if I cam have a friendship party on June 9,2014 at 1:47pm to 2:20pm at the art room. I am also informing you that I already told My friend to sign up for friendships party list, I know should I ask you first but I got lost in that moment. Therefore I want to make this friendship party at school that day is because I want to hang out with my friend. I would have do it lunch time but the reason is that my friend and I do not same lunch period like we use to. I can do at my house but they will not show up. Belief me because I invited my friends for Valentine and Easter day party at my house last year they did not even shoe up, my friends only show up to the party I do at the school during lunch. If you want can do it at lunch time but do not want to left my other friend behind or left out since we don’t have the same lunch period and it has been long time that my friend and I have not done a school party together .As result, I am notify you to let me do it in the art room. I know you have you have the teacher meting that day too but I promise you that we will not bother you. Finally I want to inform you that they will be 21 friends including two staff helpers that do not attempt the teacher meting.
Sincerely, Luz Almonte, Genesis Negron, Awilda Sanchez and Jaime Gonzalez (The Party Girls)

please answer this question as soon and fast as possible.
prettygirl
Asked May 19, 2014
I think it's great :D fix up some errors and maybe instead of saying "the party girls" say the "party helpers"?? I'm running out of ideas so sorry! U should write somthing different in the middle were u talk about friends not showing up like (I'm sorry if I'm horrible I'm typing on a iPod .-.) it starts before belive me "I once tried to have a party at my home but many friends couldn't make it and didn't show up there fore I think having the party at school will help my friends have a a better chance to go since they are at school for most of the day" I think it's great I might write it bit different tho here's my version


Dear principal,ms.collins
I am writing you this letter to ask you if I may have a party on June 9,2014 at 1:47pm to 2:20pm at the art room. It will be a "friendship" party to celebrate friendship! I am also informing you that I have told my friends to sign up. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about my plans first I was caught up in chatting about other things. I am planing this friendship party during a school day. Yes I could make it during lunch but me and my friend are in different lunches. I can not not do it at my house either! I once tried to have a party at my home but many friends couldn't make it and didn't show up there fore I think having the party at school will help my friends have a a better chance to go since they are at school for most of the day. it is possible to do it during lunch but I will leave other friends left out, me and her have not had many school party's. I am asking for permission to have my party in the art room. I have been told that you were having a teacher meeting the same day we will try our best to keep quiet and calm we will most likely talk and catch up. There will be 21 guests attending the party. I hope you give it a thought and we could work somthing out
Sincerely, Luz Almonte, Genesis Negron, Awilda Sanchez and Jaime Gonzalez (The Party Girls)

There were so,e things that REALLLY bugged. E XD like the "I will like to inform you to let me have it in the art room no offense that's happend to me were I try using good words and it ends up horrible sorry if I offended u :( anyways I hope I helped u can copy my letter (it's crap tho) or use it to help you I hope your friendship party goes awsome :3
Ruby_love
Answered May 20, 2014

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