Is this ok for a story line

Storyline to:

Rhyder, Angelic Warrior of Hell


This is a story of a man, born of Satan, ruler of Hell. Rhyder never asked for this life...in his unfortunate circumstance, he was given a deal made of divine beings.

God, brother of Satan, gave young Rhyder a choice:

Since he was the son God's brother, he was given a chance to earn his right to live a free life. Rhyder must first face his father, and kill him.

During his time out of Hell, he will be given the wings of a guardian angel, and must train just as a Angelic Warrior would. He would be given different weapons, and learn to hone the style of each, and then must choose one to master. A skull shaped time keeper, will also be given to Rhyder, instructing him of when he is to train.
A suit tailored for Rhyder, as an Angelic Warrior would also be issued.

When young Rhyder is ready, he will be returned to Hell to complete his mission. When and if Rhyder completes his task, will he be able to live freely thoughout all worlds; Heaven, Hell and Earth. He will be the new ruler of Hell, and he will be a Angelic Warrior. He can come and go freely from all realms.

Although he is the son of Satan, he is also a divine warrior of Heaven. Demon blood mixed with the honed skills of a Angelic Warrior....what exactly will become of young Rhyder? Will he agree to God's deal, and succeed in killing Satan?

IDK I think it lacks something
Also, its like a comic sorta thing...im working on the drawing panels...
Lesalltheway
Asked Feb 14, 2014
Edited Feb 14, 2014
Awesome! I've created a ton of story lines, always wanted to make them into comics or manga.
It's a really good storyline! I'd definitely read it. :)
akari33
Answered Feb 17, 2014
thanks XD I never tried writing, so I just decided to get opinions thanks. im only on the 4th panel and idk...it kinda makes sence, but its not gonna be like super long I dont think...any ideas to make it better?
if you ever want me to help with the drawing panels, id be glad to help out XD
Not gona lie... This sounds pretty badass. LOL but seriously this seems like a excelent story line. Gona work on a book soon myself. Id say stick with what you have. Be open to new ideas but dont let other people alter your book completely.
Phoenix22
Answered Feb 18, 2014
haha thanks XD I understand what you mean in the sense of not letting people run the story. thanks, and I just wondered what could be added possibly...i only have like 4-5 panels and im running out of fight sequences
Well maybe you should open with a few fighting panels then after the fight the character has flash backs wich lead up to the event. From there the story continues. It will get alot of exposition out of the way and develop the character. If this is not what your asking them im sorry. Do you need ideas in generals or just fight scene ideas?
true...well first panel is Rhyder with a shotgun, and he just finished his training...but I think its just in like fighting scene ideas...i find your comments very helpful
It's kinda hit a stopping point...I can't think of anything to do with it anymore.

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