I am 12 years old and I am really confused about life/family issues, help!

I am a 12 year old girl and as of this part of my life I am very confused and my friend says it's not good for my mental health.

You see my dad had 2 other children and broke up with their mom and met m├Čne....you can guess. Apparently his family was abusive (verbally) and my dad did nothing to stop them.

Then after I was born-three children already, Dad had to go to Dubai and Mom in Ireland.

I was left with my oldesr sister and older brother. And a nanny- an abusive one, but only to me.

My sister is 10 yrs older than me and my brother is 3 year younger than her.

The nanny would beat me up physically, mentally and verbally-even infront of my school so my classmates would avoid since their parents saw the action and were afraid for their safety.

I enjured that since I was 6 till 10 yrs old.

Dad would come home and I LOVE him alot (like a dad).

He was fun and the best dad.

Then when I had enough and spoke up, for some reason my parents broke up

mom said dad was cheating on her.

So I chose to be with my mom because I have not been with her at all in those times- only for 2 months since she left.

That was my reason, but as it turns out she was VERY ill-tempered and I cant take her and be with her.

I love her alot but....

She is always on and on about sending me to dad and she hates me alot and that I was never born.

And because of that, I started thinking of it.

I actually wanted to be with the other side of my family with my dad.

And I broke down, because when I was abused- I did not care what the nanny said but when my mom said it even if she does not hurt me, she screams it. It hurt alot, but I dont know why.

I was always quiet and I had no friends but now I started to have some.

On Christmas Eve I made a mistake, I slept over at my friends house.

My mom said she did not want me anymore and when I asked again she said she hated me.

That was what really pushed me on.

She was practically saying no friends or no mom.

And now my dad and sister(idol) wants to visit me.

And my dad said he would be happy to have me.

When I told my friend- I broke down the she asked me to compare them.

And the results were,

Mom- hot tempered, mean, cruel, too serious, and no fun.
Dad- fun, carefree, understanding.

You see my brother was obbessed with drugs and sex, and my dad still supported him patiently.

And my mom, started hurting me. Not like how my nanny did though it hurt more.

I was getting sick of it.

My mom NEVER listens...and blames me for everything. I started picturing what would happen if I was not born...and it was perfect.

If I was not here. Papa and Mama never had to leave and stayed together. My brother would not hate me since he is going to be the youngest and not the middle child aswell as get more attention. My sister ould be more happy that she is the only daughter - I think. Then my parents wont have to break up.


I started hating my mom and felt awful.

Im getting confused right now ...please help....

I might want to be with my dad but I care about mom but then again it is slowly decreasing by day...
Asked Jan 05, 2014
Edited Jan 05, 2014
You seem confused and a little manipulated by your mom... My mother and father seperated when I was 13, so I understand what you're going through. You have no idea where you belong, who loves you and why you feel the things you do.

I lived with my mom for years. She was verbally abusive to me and manipulated me into not seeing my dad. Today I don't know him as well as I should. I went through a phase where I really needed him, but I was afraid because my mom told me if I went to visit him I could stay there and never come home again.

I think in your case, don't feel bad about leaving your mom. She keeps telling you she hates you so go to your dad. Go somewhere where you're wanted and loved.

I was in therapy for months because of my parents. The main thing he told me was to stop worrying about how others feel and think about youself and do what is best for you.

Go visit your dad and see how it goes. Then decide where you feel most at home.

Hope it helps. Good luck, I really feel your pain.
Answered Jan 05, 2014
Thanks, I guess I will try that though, my mom is not as mean as she sounded to be, hence why the hesitation. Thank you again ^__^

You poor thing. I found your post heart-wrenching.

I agree with what Scarletwoman says. Go where you're happiest. (That sounds like it's definitely with your dad.) I guess this isn't something you can discuss properly with your mom, is it?

Try not to think of it as giving up. It sounds like your mom has a lot of problems to deal with and you shouldn't have to take responsibility or blame for those. There's still plenty of time for you to bond with her later on when you're more independent and your mom has sorted out some of her own difficulties.

In the meantime, hang on to your friends and stay close to the people who make you happy. I hope everything works out for the best!
Answered Mar 06, 2014
i agree
I feel very bad for you :(Follow your heart and think about your situation- who do you want to be with, it seems like your dad, and you probably don't want to hurt your mom, so just try out to live with your dad and calm down, stay strong.
Answered Mar 23, 2014
Oh you are facing such a bad situation. But don't worry, everything will be settled one day.
Answered Aug 30, 2016
i think you should just not care or not show emotion to it because when someone gets broken up all they need is just a little bit of kindness so just try to be kind to everyone in your family even if they get on your nerves and hopefully that will solve your family problems.
Answered Oct 10, 2017

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