I need help with my life plzzzzzzzzz read :'( !

Ok since I was 8 I was expose to porn! I was BAD in school suspended all the time!! every year from 1st grade to 12th !! I was a very very HYPER kid I had aDhd Bad took like 4 different medicinces a day! I had a quite a gd amount of friends.. we wud fight or argue a lot growing but literally make up all the time.. they all eventually moved and so did I .. when I was 13 my family moved to my grandmas house, I was bad I was kind of a bully!! every1 respected me but didn't really like me! as a young kid I was abused by my step father .. I got beatens daily when acted out! choked! black eyes knots all over face ! so much! I had adhd bi polar , depression a lot of things ppl always thought I was retarted cus I was sooooo hyper and bad!! but any I masterbate like 3 times a day everyday since I was 8yrs old im 21 years old now!! when in 1 st grade I used to help bro with his 3rd grade homework Ive always was smart! but bad so in 2nd grade they put me I a special class from 2 grade all the way to 12th I was taught basic math and middle school and elementary level work! causing me as of now 21 years old not very bright!! growing up I was a very gd looking boy based on what classes I was in.. NEVER had a gf!!!!! when I was 15 years I WAS THE HORNIEST BOY ON THE PLANET!!!!!!!!! I finally lost my virginity and the girl gave me oral sex ALL THE TIME and was SUPER TIGHT and I never used a condom with her!!! NO1 in my family talked to me bout sex, birth control nothing!!!!!! I cummed inside her all the time she got pregnant and I had a son!!!!! HORRIBLE MISTAKE!!!!! I cant get a job physically im not lazy!!! but there something wrong withme mentally!!! im very very lazy!!! I haven't had a job in 2 years !!! I get food stamps and SSI money!!! I can barely afford anything for my son my family buys a lot for him!!! ..... jus wanna add in there that I was always thought about killing myself!! I have no friends , I get nno gfs!! Monday- Friday January- Decembers im always in the house!!! ive see the world as allusion filled with greedy people !! I feel like a outkast to society ! im a loser!! I constantly worship the devil !! I hate evey human because there greedy,lustful and ignorant beings! I constantly have deep thoughts of kidnapping woman and jus takin there clothes off and jus looking at there bodies! more they cry more excitement and anger I wud feel I hate god !! I wanna go to hell !! I fanatasise of killing ppl all the time !! I hate the fact that im constantly broke and kids my age have nice cars, beautiful gfs and a nice childless future!! I went to counseling b4 all they do is waste my timegiving me pills and ask the same fucking questions!! idk wat to do with my life!!!!! I went to porter and chester tech school! I was EXTREMELY QUIET isolated myself from the class causing ppl not to wanna get close to me! and the ppl in my class were always talking and laughing at the dumbest shit!!!!! they had very annoying laugh 1 day I threathed a girl there and she wanted to fight me and I said after class!! the principal only dismissed me cus I started it and I was male and she was a woman and now I pay $50 every month and owe $1,000 back smfh!!!!! im a very nice QUIET person im a clean cut light skinned boy mixed black/white :/ .. im 21 yrs old I grew up im not bad anymore!! I apply to jobs they never call back! Im not interested in jobs anymore I jus want a career !!im only interested in money idk wat school to go to!!!! im lost in my life!!! I have a kid with a girl I don't even like!!! because I was a horny virgin and wasn't thinking with my head!! I didn't have a job in 2 years and my life is passing me by!!! part of me jus says to myself fuck a job , fuck material things fuck humans you know why because were all gonna die WHY go to school and work your ass off for 30 years jus to be old and have a heart attack!!! life is overrated!!! ppl take it in too seriously!!!!! im a very nice peron!! but im very evil on the inside very negative person!!! I havent shed a tear in 5 years!! I never cry do to sad emotions!! I never loved woman I jus use them for sex and to not b alone I tell them lies constantly I cheat!!! I killed my cat jus because it annoyed me!!!! I constantly think ppl are out to get me!!! I seriously wanna buy a gun and kill a lot of ppl for no reason!! and die in the process by the police that wud be my revenge to world!!! I jus wanna b on the right path to make money im not tryin to b a millionaire jus wanna make $30,000 to 40 k a year!! plzz some1 pllzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz wat do I do wat school is best for me!!! im seriously on a downfall to be the next guy on the news or a bum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
razzy123
Asked Sep 24, 2013
Edited Sep 24, 2013
First of all, before you even think about going to school or getting a job you need to learn how to trust people and control your anger. You won't be able to get a good job or any job for that matter if you can't do these things because you'll never have a good working relationship to have the ability to move up in the world. I can't really say what school would be good for you since I don't know what you're good at but for now I think you should work on yourself.
Amberlovinduck
Answered Sep 24, 2013
You need to relax and you need to slow down you don't need to wright so much
Jimbo
Answered Sep 24, 2013
You can't get a job in that state. Lean to stop being angry. Try to relax and take a deep breath. I know it must be hard with a child with someone you don't love. I'm 18 and pregnate with my first child and in scared as hell. But the trick in life is to not hate but forgive and to control your anger. It is hard I know I almost punched my soon to be husband in the face when I found out I am pregnate. But that's it life is like school you are put in a situation and all you have to do is solve it. You can always ask for help but if you solve the problem or not it's because of your attitude towards the problem. So relax, control your anger and then show people the new and improved you!
jiyong
Answered Sep 24, 2013
Thank u for the comments.. I know how to get along with ppl& im quite normal person. Plz stop tellin me to calm down im byond calm! Any1 no any gd carrers I can get in without school. That train!?? Correctional officer, truck driver ?? Wheres the money at??? A union an apprentiship??? Any tips wud b extremely appreciated!!!
Well if you haven't had a job in a while then start with something easy. Then you can get a job that pays more. So start with something you enjoy and has a good pay but make sure that it won't put you under stress.
jiyong Oct 05, 2013

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