How to cope with a bi polar partner

my partner has bi polar and it is affecting me very much. I consider myself to be patient and understanding of mental illness but what I deal with seems to be driving me mad.
before I continue I want to say he is the man of my dreams without this illness
I have always known he has bi polar. he is 26 and I am 22. he is an alcoholic (although in the process of giving up.. he has tried and failed many times to my disappointment. but this time he has vowed he would do it for me)
we are planning on moving in together so I work hard to afford that. he doesnt have a job (and needs to be pushed into getting one) and today I had to more or less write a covering letter for him (he has never done one alone) I dont mind helping him but I dont know if he appreciates my help especially when I wake up at 4 am everyday and we were writing the letter into the night. anyway... shouldnt a 26 year old be capable of applying to a job themselves? (maybe that was my frustration talking)
He always makes excuses for now doing things... he usually blames anxiety. he suffers from panic attacks. he had no value at all for money. spends loads.. doesn't know how to save.
after everything I am left wondering if our relationship is going to go anywhere. I work so hard while he doesnt put any effort in our future (or his alone). I end up nagging him to do things all the time which just gets us both down. I end up feeling guilty because he would never intend to hurt me or anyone, he is the most gentle person I have ever met I am clueless about what to do, I am on the verge of ending it out of my own selfishness to be less stressed about it. He is all I ever wanted. if bi polar could be cured we would have a perfect relationship. any advice?
Anonymous User
Anonymous User
Asked Nov 21, 2012
As complicated as it sounds, it's really very simple. You can't change him, you can only change yourself. You clearly understand what he's like and that his illness makes the likelihood of him changing very slim. The simple decision you have to make is whether you can deal with a lifetime of what you're experiencing now.

Your expectations are what's creating the turmoil. If you choose to stay, you should shed all of your frustration and accept him as he is without any expectations. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.

The selfishness is not an issue. You have an obligation to take care of a child but he is not your child. The only reason to stay is if you are willing to sacrifice what might be for what is. Not an easy choice but at least you have a choice. Parents that have children with a mental handicap, have no choice.
Answered Nov 21, 2012

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