What do you think about women who don't want to have kids?

I love children. My siblings have kids, and at a young age I helped babysit and care for them. I've been a school tutor and I also write and illustrate children's books for a living. That having been said, I have no desire to have my own kids. I think they're adorable and I enjoy them immensely, but I think it would be incredibly illogical for me to reproduce. I would rather design games and create educational books that help the current and future generations of kids than to add to the population. I'd like to continue getting full nights of sleep, traveling the world for artistic inspiration, and visiting my nieces and nephews regularly. Nosy people who ask me why I'm not married with kids seem shocked or appalled. For years people have said my feelings will change, but the clock is ticking and I feel the same way - just stronger! What do you think about women who don't want to have their own kids?
inquisitivemind
Asked Jan 24, 2012
Edited Jan 24, 2012
Not wanting to have children is just a feeling people have.
I do not want children, but I love to work and play with them.
Thats my belief.
The reason is because I am to much to do with myself to worry about children, Not because I am selfish because I have my own personal problems to deal with.
If I go have children I wouldn't be able to do what I have to do for them, because I need work and I do not believe I will ever be ready or complete to have children.
mysteryshepherd
Answered Jan 24, 2012
You have as much right to choose not to have children as women who choose to have them. When someone asks that question they're essentially asking "why aren't you like me?" The answer is obvious.
Rob
Answered Jan 24, 2012
I think it's a totally valid choice. Until a few months ago, I didn't want kids. Now I have 3 due to deaths in my family. I still have no desire to go the whole baby/pregnancy route. Nothing about that sounds even remotely appealing to me. As much as I want the ones I now have... well... it's weird... I do still feel that all the reasons I didn't want them are true... Mainly, that I didn't want to live my life so completely wrapped up in someone else. I'd very much like to get to know other moms like me, but I'm just meeting mommy martyrs.

I think people mostly want to have children for horrible reasons... like wanting unconditional love, or wanting to shape another life, or wanting a little version of themselves or a spouse. All of those are ego-based and selfish in my opinion.

I firmly believe that kids should have parents who love and want them. I also think that a lot of parents don't want their kids and shouldn't be parents. Good for you for knowing you don't want them BEFORE you had one.

Your reproductive choices are private and personal, and you are under no obligation to share, explain, or justify them. My family never expected children from me since I was clear I didn't want them from my early teens. When other people asked, I just said as politely as possible that I'd like some privacy around the issue and wouldn't answer any questions. When people ask a friend of mine why she doesn't have children, she plainly says that she's had 3 miscarriages and refuses to go through it again. It's such a rude and invasive thing to ask people. Sometimes the answer is painful for the woman who's being asked.
skyDancer
Answered Jan 24, 2012
I dont want children either, and at the rate Im going Ill never have a husband. Im almost 40, so this is a serious sore point with my family, especially my mother. I think women like us are fine, but our families and society have outmoded views about what we are supposed to want, but they dont get to make our choices for us.
BrightStar
Answered Jan 24, 2012
I agree about the choices. I think the main thing is that people feel judged and rejected any time they meet someone who's made a life choice that is the opposite of what they chose. With kids it's like how meat eaters can someone how act towards you when you're eating out with them and order a vegetarian dish without ever even saying anything about being vegetarian. No matter what the issue is it's so easy for people to get so engrained in their world view that they can't conceive of how anyone could possibly have another view... and if they do, then something is wrong with them... but really, it takes all kinds.

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