Proofread my essay please? Constructive Criticism please.

Evil is all around us, whether we are at school, home, stores, or restaurants. Just about anywhere there’s evil people and evil things being done! Usually evil things are caused because of personal problems and people turning to evil solutions to feel better about themselves. If I had the power to prevail all evil, I would get rid of sex offenders, murderers, and drug dealers.

Sex offenders are a big part of our community, whether we are aware of them or not. You can have a sex offender living right next door to you and you wouldn’t even know it! Your friends, neighbors, and kids would be in danger of getting harassed or even raped! After someone has been harassed or raped, they are emotionally screwed up, which results in them become sex offenders or them using drugs. Not all victims of sex related issues report what has or is being done to them because they are either scared or too embarrassed to talk about it. I believe that the issues caused by sex offenders are the start of many other crimes in the world, for example, suicide, child abuse, and drug abuse. Many people commit suicide or abuse drugs daily because of being sexually assaulted, they can’t handle the pain caused by that incident, so they believe suicide and drugs are an easier method of ending or taming the pain. Sometimes, Sex offending leads to murder as well.

Murdering is a big cause of deaths in the world. A murderer usually forms from emotional problems from that person’s childhood which lead to anger and grudges that eventually lead to killing. If there were no murderers in the world, people would be a lot more peaceful and they wouldn’t have to worry about anything happening to family and friends. No one should have the power to control someone’s fate by murdering or harming them. All murdering does is cause sadness and hate towards others in the world. The families are affected by the loss of someone and sometimes people respond by harming others. The murderers need to think through what they are doing and see that there really is no point in murdering. What fun or joy do they get out of ending another human beings life? All they create is a disturbance in someone else’s life. Not only do murderers cause deaths in the world, but so do drugs.

Drugs are a huge cause of deaths in the world. People turn to drugs to relieve themselves of any emotions like pain, sadness, fear or just about anything. When people use drugs, not only do they harm themselves, but they harm others around them emotionally and physically. They can end up harming someones respiratory system or even end up killing them without knowing it. Drugs are just a way to give up and make yourself feel better. You can end up loosing your job because of the addiction to your drugs. Eventually, you will die because your harming your body with unnecessary things that shouldn’t go in your body. The person consuming drugs will also better themselves as a human being if they stop using drugs, they’re brain and blood won’t be messed up from all the intoxications. They would also be financially better because of not wasting all that money on drugs. Just stop the drug use and everything will be better.

In conclusion, the world would be better off without sex offenders, murderers, and drug dealers. All these evil things happen around the world. What matters is what you do and what you will do to prevail evil because evil starts at your home. Just make sure your family and friends aren’t doing anything that will cause deaths or harm to any human beings. The kids should be the ones we focus on the most to keep without evil because they are our future and they will be the ones to change the world later on

After someone has been harassed or raped, they are emotionally screwed up, which results in them become sex offenders or them using drugs.

This is the only sentence I seen a problem with. I would change it to:

After someone has been harassed or raped they have conflict emotionally within themselves. This can result in them becomimg sex offenders or interacting in drug abuse.

Otherwise the essay is awesome!!

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Are you doing this for a school assignment? What grade are you in? If you are doing this for school I would really like to know what the assignment (include how many pages you must have) was because what your writing about most schools wouldn't allow what your writing about. So if you would give a quick explanation on the assignment or why your writing that would also be helpful. That will help me know who your audience is. The audience you direct your essay to is just as important in writing. If you don't write according to your audience your essay could be easily be disregarded.

Everything in your writing is based off of opinion. There are good points to what you are saying (in my own personal beliefs), but there is nothing that backs up what you write.

NEVER put the word evil in your essay. No matter where you put it, the word evil is an opinion word. I know that may sound stupid, but in the world of writing this is a big no no. It doesn't matter what grade you're in.

Delete your first paragraph. The contents of your paragraph is what's bad in your paragraph. The structure is fine. You stated immediately what you were going to talk about in the following paragraphs.

I can easily pick you paragraphs apart for example:

"Sex offenders are a big part of our community[how big? Find a statistic], whether we are aware of them or not. You can have a sex offender living right next door to you and you wouldn't even know it[this can be true, but there are places sex offenders are required to register and they are open to the public]! Your friends, neighbors, and kids would be in danger of getting harassed or even raped [the appropriate way would be to use the word victim to molestation, abduction, or even assault]! After someone has been harassed or raped, they are emotionally screwed up [this is a horrible sentence. You could say "According to (find research) have discovered that MANY molested individuals are emotionally damaged to the extent that they abuse drugs or even become sex offenders. (NEVER use the word EVERYONE only use MANY or A LOT because we have no way of knowing how everyone reacts to rape. There are people in this world who do find rape a pleasurable thing, there are even websites with rape sex fetishes) people, which results in them become sex offenders or them using drugs (again you don't know this for everyone and there are people who get help or may not react in that way). Not all victims of sex related issues report what has or is being done to them because they are either scared or too embarrassed to talk about it. I believe (NEVER use the words "I believe" unless your are specifically doing a belief story. NEVER for anything for school) that the issues caused by sex offenders are the start of many other crimes in the world, for example, suicide, child abuse, and drug abuse. Many people commit suicide or abuse drugs daily because of being sexually assaulted (this is opinion; puts some facts in here. Rape could have been the final emotional damage in a line up of many things that finally pushed them to suicide), they can’t handle the pain caused by that incident, so they believe suicide and drugs are an easier method of ending or taming the pain. Sometimes, Sex offending leads to murder as well." (again this is opinion.)

Knowing about the subject you are writing about will help you too. For instance how do you know how sex offenders actions will effect the victims. You told me what you believe, but I have no idea how you got that information. For all I know you could have made it up. When you approach a subject always look into the who, how, why, what, when, where of your subject.

Here is an example of your paragraph on sex offenders rewritten. I included all the information you had I simply added more and left areas for more specific information to be added.

"Sex offenders are required by law to register with the state they live in and follow several other rules according to the states requirements. For instance according to [your state] sex offenders are required to [insert some requirements that you can find on your states website lead into sex offender locations]. Though sex offenders are registered and can be found through the state registration or police department, there are sex offenders that haven't been apprehended. Sex offenders can be any age, sex, and ethnicity. Profiles created by statics have help identify a sex offender, but they are not a reliable way to determine if someone is a sex offender. Therefore, anyone could be or could become a sex offender and those you care about could become a victim.

Crimes committed by sex offenders often leave emotional and/or physical damage to the victim. Victims of sex crimes often do not receive the help they need to overcome the psychological and/or physical damage that was caused, resulting in the addition to the world crime rate. According to (specific statistic or research) many victims commit suicide, drug abuse, child abuse, and may even become a sex offender. Each crime that's caused may result in a chain of crimes, eventually leading someone to a crime as drastic as murder.

Now compare you paragraph with mine. Notice the difference in vocabulary and content.

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