My wife lied about the past and showed no remorse.

My wife was previously married twice and she cheated on both her ex-husbands. After 10 years with me, she swears that she wouldn't cheat on me because she has changed. For many years, I was ok with her answer and didn't find the need to bring up the past.

But about a year ago, my wife began to change, she became very dominant and always angry at me. She became demeaning, irresponsible with our finances. And to make matters worse she would hint that I was acting suspiciously like someone who was cheating. For the record, I was in a prior 18-year marriage where I was verbally and physically abused and I never cheated on my ex. My wife knows that fact and based on old friends "testimonies" of me, they have confirmed to her that cheating is not my thing. So, for my current wife to suspect that I am capable of cheating really blew me away.

Here where it gets bad. A few days ago, since I really don't know the reasons why she suddenly changed, my insecurities made me feel she was up to no good and since I didn’t know why she cheated in her past relationships, I began to inquire. My warped reasoning was that I would have some kind of a reference point, to see if I was behaving in a manner that would justify in her mind a reason to cheat and treat me badly.

I asked her 4 simple questions...1. When did the cheating started in her past marriages? 2. Why did she feel she needed to cheat. 3. How many times? 4. And, did she love her ex-husbands?

Although the questions angered her, she did answer the questions...what really bothers me is that I found her answers to have inconsistencies in them based of past stories...so when I probed, she re-answered and re-answered, changing her answers and finally offering what I now believe is the truth. Maybe!

I asked her why she lied to me now (2017) about the past, (pre-2007) before eventually telling me the truth? she said that she felt uncomfortable telling me the truth. But the fact is that she lied now about something that happened years ago. Why should I believe anything she says now about our relationship? The worst thing that I can't find myself bringing myself to forgive is that she has “no remorse” for the fact that she just lied to me before eventually getting to what "could" be the truth.

Can I trust her with our future if she is still capable of not telling the truth.
Part of me believes that she is a closet or "covert" narcissist because she shows no remorse or empathy for what I am feeling and she makes me feel that I am wrong and need help.

Lastly, she says that her acting towards these last few months was my fault because I was depressed and not carrying my weight around the house. But I said, why didn’t you tell me this a year ago and her answer? “You were depressed I didn’t want to seem selfish to point out that it was affecting me.” Huh!?

AM I seeing things??? am I over reacting? Please Help!


Kimcam2
Asked Oct 24, 2017
Edited Oct 24, 2017
Trust issues can be very draining! I started losing confidencece in my ex when I observed he started spending increased and unusual or unexplained amounts of time away from home. I also noticed he was deleting call and text history, leaving the room to take phone calls
minimizing computer screens when I enter the room. I initially kept calm about it you know. However after weeks and weeks of worry I confided in an old friend who referred me to a 'friend' that could help access private information so I could clear my doubts. I felt so hurt to find out he had been playing me but I moved on and I feel much happier and at peace now. Contact ' kryptohacker01 at gmail dot com ' he might be able to help you too, he is affordable and reliable. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!
Trisha Feb 07, 2018
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Okay, if she is acting this way to you, you need to get a divorce from her if she cheated in the past she will do it again over and over again this is my opinion but the best advice I can really give is do what your heart says, and ask yourself Are you happy with her? Is she happy with you? I hope things work out if not just know that there is a big world full of great women that will treat you right and more.
booboo97
Answered Feb 22, 2018
No matter how old you are, family history is important. While you might not think so at the time, as you get older there will be things you and your grandchildren will want to know. Most of us don't realize it until the older generations are gone and you can't replace first hand comments. Don't just put in about the good times, add in the harder times and how you overcame those trials. Another thing to remember is what caused the deaths of those you loved. There are many things that have been found to continue into future generations that knowing it runs in the family can be helped with now or possible in the future. prevention starts with knowing where to start. I wish someone had taken the time to write these things down for mew to be able to go back to. My Grandmother and my mother told us many stories of what things happened in their lives and about the people in their lives. I now wish someone had written those things down since both have passed now. But I never thought at that busy point in my life that I would one day want to remember all those things. So much family history is lost when the older generations are gone. Please pass it on to your family while you can. You can even just do it digitally so it can be accessed by family later on.Family pictures are something to cherish also. Just be sure to write down who is pictured in them, where they are taken and when. I have found family pictures that no one now even knows who is in them.

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Answered Feb 02, 2019
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AlexaPlanter1
Answered Mar 16, 2019

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