Why does it seem like no one wants me around?

I get that people can be busy but every time I try to get a hold of someone they ignore me. They blow me off or just always "busy" despite seemingly have time to hang out with other friends and do stuff. I don't particularly get along with my family. I mean, most live in other states and the ones that are close by... We're just are too different. Plus it doesn't help the fact that I had to move out of the house I grew up in because things were getting crowded and I was so stressed it was affecting my health. I'm living with my dad now since I can't afford to live on my own or move in with a friend because they will charge me money I can't provide. I had a job but I lost it because I told my manager that I couldn't stay after my shift anymore because I'm in school and I have responsibilities. I'm still in school and I've been trying to find a job but with my new classes, homework keeps me busy but I also try my best to find a job and I've sold a few art pieces and I've been managing the money I do have pretty well. I also help around the house by cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping and doing yard work for my dad since he has a bad back. I have a boyfriend but lately we haven't been talking and it started like this ever since we had this big fight and one of the things he pointed out was how even though I have responsibilities, I put him on the bottom of the list because I'm normally not the one who starts our conversations. After the fight, I tried starting the conversations more but he always sounds so uninterested in what I have to say and would keep talking about how his job sucks, how he hates his neighbors, how I need to look for a job, and how I should visit him more on the weekends. We have a long distance relationship and he has visited me when he had the chance but the visits... They were only ok if we were somewhere public. I try not to be alone with him because he always try to make things go sexual and I don't want that and I'm tired of him always trying to steer things in that direction and I'm also tired of him bringing up my ex (because he knows I'm still in love with him and that we're still friends), he'll start to pout of throw one of those silent temper tantrums because he's not getting his way. But anyways, he wants me to try and visit him more on the weekends, despite knowing I don't have a job and barely having any income coming my way, having a lot of homework and knowing it's a eight hour drive to and from his place. I tell him I have a class in the morning and he said I can just miss it... And before you ask, no we didn t apologized to each other after the fight. I was willing to but he said that he wasn t going to despite knowing what he said upset me so I decided not to either. You're not going to respect my feelings, I shouldn't have to respect yours. But there's this voice that's telling me I'm in the wrong and I shouldn't treat him like that and I should be better than that but... why? I'm honestly thinking about breaking up with him because multiple reasons including those few examples above but at the same time, I don t want to put him through the same thing I went through my previous relationship (falling out of love) and I know if I let him go... I really will be alone. No one will talk to me. I try reaching out, everyone is too busy. I try online but I guess people aren't that interested or something. I try to be patient and have them come to me but it s just depressing because it feels like no one cares about me. I must suck, right? Something must be wrong with me, otherwise I would be normal and have at least a text message from someone who wants to talk. We don't have to hang out everyday or meet up every weekend or meet up at every month... or I guess at all. I just want to matter to someone. I know this probably covers more than just friendship and I know I rambled a lot but I needed to get all of this off of my chest and not be charged just to talk to someone. I need to know what's wrong with me and why no one wants me around. I know I'm no saint, I don't know how to give good advice and sometimes I don't like to do things people around my age like to do such as clubbing. But I'm a good listener and even though I don't have a lot to bring to a conversation, I like to be included and I like to just be there for someone because I know how it feels to be alone.
Angel1l1l
Asked Aug 30, 2017

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