I haven't been here in years. but I don't know where else to go

So I'm not sure whether or not this is the site I left it as, though I know many of my old ehelp "friends" have most likely ceased using this website to advise and question. But, here I am, still. My question is this, I'm becoming increasingly concerned about my mental health, however it isn't mere hypochondria. I actually do know something Is wrong and I want professional help to find out just what that is and how to correct it. I took the M3 personality assessment after hearing it's one of the few truly reliable tests on the Internet when determining whether or not you should seek psychiatric help and scored significantly higher than the average range of 0 to 33... My score was 78. They said I have a 90 percent chance of having depression as well as anxiety, and that my answers to the PTSD questions put me at a high risk for having this illness as well. That isn't surprising necessarily now that I think of it because I have had experiences I'd rather not share in depth. I'll only summarize them as the following: traumatic sexual experiences and a lot of bullying. A lot of seeing two very discontent, destructive and highly argumentative parents interact. I also scored significantly higher than average on the part that determines how at risk you are for being bipolar. Which makes sense because I have the symptoms I read, mood swings, deep, suicidal depression, anxiety, euphoric, unexplained episodes. Irritability. Etc. I have these episodic sort of mood swings that make it a lot harder for me to maintain control and I have a tendency to try to isolate myself to deal with everything I'm feeling. On top of this all there's an extensive history of mental health problems on my mom's side of the family. I don't want to self diagnose just so I can say I have a mental issue and have a "discussion topic" because I know this whole mental health thing gets a bad name from those thinking it's just a trend to bandwagon. I'm not that guy. I want help because my mental state grows increasingly hard to maintain as time goes on. But the thing is I'm a year short of adulthood so I'm guessing somewhere down the line my parents would need involvement in this process. The problem with that is I'd be forced to admit to my drug habits. It's mostly marijuana but I've experimented with other non prescribed means of chemical symptom control. I'm smoking much more because I'm dealing with a heartbreak I just can't seem to get over and a lot of depression/suicidal fantasies and anxious feelings. I'm kind of at this dead end though because I need help but I don't want to have to bring my use of intoxicants to light. My parents are very against drugs. What can I do?
Asked Jan 09, 2017
Edited Jan 09, 2017

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