Im so close to ending my life, can anyone relate?

How am I supposed to make you understand if I don't understand?
I don't understand I just feel it, so without feeling it you're just never gonna get it.

I feel like I can't find the missing piece to a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle that's took me weeks, just can not find it anywhere every piece I find just doesn't fit and just simply will not do.

The jigsaw is my life, I am the missing piece. No matter how many times I try and pretend that I've got it all together if it doesn't fit it doesn't fit. I simply can not Cary on and leave a piece of puzzle that sticks out when all the rest is flat. To be honest I'm not sure if I'll ever find the missing piece and right now I'm terrified of trying. Trying always ended me back in the same spot, questioning everything down to my very own existence. After thinking you had it together for while and you're back, back again with this gut wrenching feeling you can't explain and won't go away till you find something else you can pretend at cos deep down in your mind you know it's not gonna be forever.

What's my forever ? I don't know I honestly do not know, I'm so scared to pretend again because landing back in this same spot where I am now after it being good is almost unbearable so I'm just gonna stay here for while at least here I know I'm safe I can protect myself from feeling like failure when I already failed.

That is just how I live my life.

Anyone else live like this ?
Asked Jul 26, 2016
Edited Jul 30, 2016
yes...are you still active in Ehelp for this question? if so, I will write shortly. I just saw your post and hope you're okay. wanted to let you know you deserve a response a one will come soon.
Answered Aug 19, 2016
Hey I'm active yeah
You need some time to make yourself calm.
Answered Aug 22, 2016

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