Relationship help

Hi I didn't know who to come to or where to go so I decided to see people's advice for my situation. Please don't judge.

So I have really bad self-confidence issues. I went through a horrible time in high school and was bullied. I never fitted in and was invisible to most. When I was younger this guy in high school who was two years older took an interest in me. I was so convinced that I was extremely ugly that I guess I was just grateful someone liked me. But he wasn't a good person. He would tell me that I needed to dress a certain way to please him, that I was lucky someone like him liked someone like me and he could go off and get another girl anytime he felt like it. He told me I needed to do this and that to my appearance and that I would be nothing without him. I had no one at the time. I was also suffering eating disorders, and was thinner than I had ever been.
Additional Details added 18 mins ago
My only and best friend was in hospital due to anorexia and it seemed I was going the same way. I was not close to my mum at the time and people laughed and called me names for not having a boyfriend. it was so bad that my mum got sick with pneumonia and I stayed home to look after her and then got the flu and was off school for almost two months. No one said a word or noticed I was gone when I went back to school. It was horrible.
Additional Details added 16 mins ago
Anyway he threatened to move near where I lived (he lived 2 hours away) so that he could watch me in school and make sure I didnt cheat and things. I blocked him out of my life but I still feel hurt. So skipping forward, I meet a guy friend and we are good friends for a while, about nine months. Now, I am very insecure about romance and I am not a romantic person, never have been. This guy friend of mine was very romantic and had a huge crush on me. I asked my mum (who I am now close to)
Additional Details added 13 mins ago
She told me to go for it. I am still in that relationship but a lot has changed. I wish I hadn't said yes when he asked me out. My mum said that I should go for it because I had never been in a proper relationship and he was nice. But he has extreme biopolar. I know it sounds selfish but I hate the mood swings. I hate having to deal with him being so horrible to me at times and then crying on my lap and once he tried to shove me against a wall and was really close to hitting me before he realise
Additional Details added 11 mins ago
I don't like him anymore. I went through a phase of thinking this was great but the more I think about it the more I think im not ready to be in a relationship. I'm still hurt, still think im ugly and cruel because I have become bitter from the way I was treated in high school. Affection is now something I run from. And I hate being tied down. For example this guy that two of my ex bullies really liked, contacted me and I found out he has had a crush on me for two months. One of the bullies I am
Additional Details added 9 mins ago
now friends with and she would constantly boast about how he was this and that and how he winked at her (not true) and say I couldnt say anything because I had a boyfriend. She would constantly switch between these two guys that she liked and said that she could do what she liked and that they weren't 'good enough' for her. I feel like going and telling her what he told me but I dont want to be a bitch. I dont think I would go out with him because she liked him and im not that kind of person
Additional Details added 7 mins ago
but it made me realise how I just cant tie down. I like flirting (even though he is younger) and I like meeting new people and not worrying about romance. I dont like kissing my boyfriend and I dont like sexual things either (yet I have fantasies a lot) He can be a nice guy but I just dont know anymore. I tried to tell him we are drifting apart and he doesnt want to hear it. Whenever we have an argument its horrible and he says vile stuff, that makes me cry. I just dont know who I am anymore
Additional Details added 5 mins ago
And feel like im doing things just to please people. I kind of feel hollow you know? He won't talk about breaking up, and that guy that has a crush on me is now one of my best friends and says to break up with him. I dont know why I told him my problems but I was crying and he was there. My boyfriend always blames fights on me and tells me I make him feel shit. I am so lost and confused and if anyone could give any advice that would be amazing. Thankyou if you've read to here it means the world.
brittanyliah
Asked Jan 01, 2015

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