Do I possibly have Bipolar Disorder?

I say possibly because, you cannot perform a diagnosis online. I am a 14 1/2 year old girl. Yes- you'll say its just my hormones raging. But I am not sure. Anyways, over the summer some things really began kicking in. I started randomly talking to this 17 year old Guy online from FRANCE and without anyone's consent was going to get a job at MCDONALD'S to go to France and meet this Guy who could be a pedophile for all I know. This went on for about two months and then I quit the idea. Also, I was majorly depressed on and off. I was having suicidal thoughts although I knew I'd never actually perform the acts! I could hardly get our of bed and I didn't leave my room half of the time. It was bad. I also rage- and its bad. I have triggers, like someone saying ONE little thing wrong or annoying me- I BLOW up and I black out, begin hitting my victim or anything near it and then, once I come back to reality I feel extremely guilty and I apologize about a million times. I get VERY VERY angry but I NEVER hold onto it. I am not a violent person by nature whatsoever and am very forgiving. But this is something I cannot control. Also, whenever I am speaking on a subject that matters to me or I feel like I have to be right in, I begin bashing everyone who disagrees and go into anxiety like attacks. The other day in class I had to ask to leave because I was uncontrollably calling everyone stupid and naive and I began rocking back and forth in my chair, holding my head and shaking very much. I was also crying. And then afterwards, I feel completely guilty. This is all out of my control or I wouldn't do it and it happens a lot. Right now I am slightly depressed. And I dread school everyday to the point of worrying about it the night before and on the weekends. I also have very rapid thoughts which cause me to yell and fight back and forth with myself. I developed a habit of pinching, hitting or smacking myself everytime I do something immoral. Also, last night although being quite sad, I was extremely hyper and tired at my cousins band concert and alternated between lying down in the chairs to bouncing up and down. I was laughing at every little thing and I absolutley could not sit still. Also, I am very tired all of the time. I can't focus on anything for long and although I am a pretty good student, never do my school work in or out of school. I'm very impatient and irritable also. I have trouble figuring out whether a thought is mine of just another crazy idea I have in my head. I get very over-involved and ambitious about my ideas and then suddenly lose interest in them. There's quite a bit more and sorry that was all over the place. I told my mom I need to go to the doctor but she says I can just control it. But I cannot. Also, my biological father whom I've met twice because of being abusive to my mom while pregnant with me is bipolar and so is my cousin (mild). This is stressful.
Oh yes, I also get extremely hyper and extremely fatigued/depressed at the same time. I have experienced this last night and all day today.

Forgot to mention- I went through these times when I was acting the complete opposite of my true self and my mom stated that she "didn't even know me anymore" it was very rapid. I was dressing sexually, trying to do crazy things, becoming interested in intense partying and to me- things that are immoral and evil. I would pretend to be high all the time and now I'm just all of a sudden back to my 'normal' self. It was so horrible and oh my goodness I hate even going back to those memories. I am horrid. I also sometimes have sexually intrusive thoughts and I'm not like that at all.... it goes against what I believe in.
Yes. I know, wrong section. But I get more answers here!
anonymous_123
Asked Dec 17, 2013
Edited Dec 17, 2013

TIP: If it's not your answer to this question, please click "Leave a Comment" button under the question to communicate with the question owner.

Categories