Love triangle has left me heartrbroken - she picked him and I'm having a breakdown

I wound up being in a love triangle which has driven me into therapy but I need some additional advice, criticism, feedback…whatever it is…I just need to hear it.

I met this woman online in February 2013 and during the first month I didn’t snatch her up and ask her to be in a relationship with me like I should have. She liked me as well during that time but she didn’t pursue me either. We spent some weekends together but never actually became an exclusive couple. We eventually went our separate ways and dated others. In April 2013 I came back into her life and we started going out. Unfortunately she had been seeing a guy for two months but she said she loved me and had always loved me. Eventually, she asked for her house key back from this guy and told him she wanted to see other people. However, according to her she did not tell him specifically that the reason for the breakup was me. She had always said that she had never left one man for another man and she didn’t want to start now. She never actually stopped seeing this other guy and she continued to see me as well. Over the next three months she and I traveled extensively taking trips out of state, hotels, bed and breakfasts, Eastern Shore, DC on the 4th of July, Atlantic City...etc and having the best times. She was mostly honest with me about still seeing him and which I hated knowing but I accepted. I always asked if and when she was going to see him again which is why she told me but I guess I’d rather know than just pretend it wasn’t happening. But I still hated it.

Anyway, during these months, she spent more time with me than him for but it still bothered me that she wouldn’t commit to me. She always lied to him when she was with me…..and as hurtful as it is to admit…she would always post our trips on her Facebook page but I was never tagged or even shown in photos. Her photos consisted of things such as the hotel we were at, sunsets, the restaurants we went to…shows we attended...a landmark…the food/wine glasses at our table...…etc…but never once was I shown on FB with her. I have many photos of us together on these vacations but out of respect I didn’t post them on FB either. I let her control the situation. She said she was just trying to spare his feelings and I accepted it because I was hoping that I would eventually be with her forever. She said she was very confused and often questioned why I didn’t grab her back in February when I had the chance. She was scared that maybe if she left this guy and then I decided I didn’t want to be with her anymore she would have lost both of us. I wish I could go back in time and grab her for myself but obviously I can’t. However since coming back into her life in April I treated this girl like a princess. Trust me on this and she knows it too. I began loving this woman everyday more and more and treated her as such. She told me every day she loved me. She said she loved this other guy too but her love for me was different - with me she had such passion. She was IN love with me versus just loving the other guy. She said if the other guy left or dated someone else it wouldn’t be a huge deal…but if I were to leave or date someone else it would destroy her. She made me feel so special…and she was so much fun…and I found her to the most beautiful woman in the world. Not a woman alive could make me feel as special as she did. She’s 33 years old and had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was 18 which could debilitate her in her future…yet I never cared about that. There’s no question I would be there for her forever.

Anyway, this love triangle went on for months…it took its toll on me…I lost close to 40 lbs. in less than 3 months from the stress…she lost about 15lbs. The scenario was not good.

So…a little over two weeks ago I take her out to eat…we have drinks…we’re having a great time. We go back to her place and it’s around midnight…still having a great time. We’re having some wine, eating some food…barely dressed…it’s literally the best time of my life to be honest…and then there’s a bang on the door and it’s him. He yelled inside that he knew I was there (my car was out front). I knew she wouldn’t just allow him to stand outside and bang on the door so I opened the door…and to make a long story short…she asked me to leave and he stayed…and I never saw her again. I’m disgusted. I’m completely heartsick. I am so heartbroken. I know she used me…but I’m devastated. I loved this girl so much. I’m like a walking zombie. My life feels like it has no meaning now. She has unfriended me on all social media sites. She no longer calls me or texts me so I know it’s over. What’s killing me inside is that aside from just leaving me (and how it transpired)…I really don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve the harsh treatment since that infamous evening. She’s treating me like I did something horrible to her. That’s the part that I need closure on. I can’t understand it! I’m so distressed I can’t think straight. My entire life has been affected. I go to sleep thinking of her. I dream about her. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of her. Why do I feel like this after being treated like this?
Couple of facts:

Based on her upbringing she has detachment issues with her emotions. Instead of dealing with issues head on, she has always dealt with negative emotions by hiding them away in her head, putting on a happy face and going out with friends. (She has admitted this to me multiple times) Basically she doesn’t really feel the emotional pain that most people feel because as a child that was how she was able to cope with some of the painful things that happened to her growing up. When I told her how devastated I was and told her that she had “No idea” of the pain that she has caused me…she apologized and replied (sincerely) that she wished she knew how I felt.


When she did go out with him while dating me she would tag him in Facebook and show them together which made me feel awful to know she would do that with him but not me. She claimed it was because people assumed they were still dating. That was probably one of the most hurtful aspects of this relationship. Knowing I was being hidden away like she was cheating on a husband or boyfriend.

She had told me on several occasions that everything was fine between her and this guy before I came back into the picture. (Maybe it’s true…but she didn’t have to let me back in her life) He played it cool though and allowed her space…I didn’t. I bugged her constantly about leaving him and always questioned when she and I could be together. I probably chased her away with my nagging. But I’m not the kind of guy that can just pretend everything is fine.

She actually blamed me for opening the door that evening because she wanted to convince him nothing was going on that evening but she was barely dressed so that didn't fly...plus he and I had some words and I said something to him as I was being kicked out like I was with her on certain occasions that he hadn't known about. Anyway, she said she couldn’t forgive me for doing that. And because of this she has now told me even if they don’t work as a couple she could never be with me. Can someone make sense of what happened to me?? After all of this though…I still want her. What is wrong with me?? I still have the urge to call and text her. I don’t know who’s sicker…her or me??? Can someone please tell me when this pain will subside? I used to be this healthy person but now I’m on sleep medication, anxiety medication and something else prescribed to calm my nerves. I’m a freaking mess. My heart is in a million pieces. I don't know which way to go to start putting myself back together. Is this love or am I just obsessed with her?

I did manage to talk to her once and she said he unfriended me on FB and other social media to spare my feelings. Sounds more like she's just moving on and doesn't want me knowing anything about her. Any thoughts on this?
Anonymous User
Anonymous User
Asked Oct 09, 2013
You can't hold yourself to this girl. I know you want to, I held onto my ex for the longest time. I think she kept you a secret because she did not stop seeing him. She lied to you, and used you, but the best time of your life was with this woman. I don't know how old you are, but you said how old she is. I don't know what it is you want to hear, but I will tell you what I can. It's going to hurt, for a very long time. You won't trust anyone with your heart for the longest time if you do manage to trust anyone. No matter what you do, you are going to think about her, and maybe one day many years from now, the thought of her won't hurt. Most people say you need to go meet new people.. It's the last thing you want to do... but if you find the right gal... Who's willing to just be a friend for a while.. You will get over her faster. I promise. All you need, is a girl, who is kind and sweet, understanding, and willing to just be a friend. I am doing that right now for a friend of mine, in his twenties. He and his gf of over four years (since highschool) broke up because she stopped caring and it became a distance relation. She stopped caring about him completely; and he still loved her, still does. I'm just, there, being a friend. I let him know how important he is to me, how much his smile means to me.. I let him know, that he is like the first time I saw fireworks in person. <3 You can't make someone love you; but you can be their friend. Don't try to be her friend; she doesn't want anything to do with you. If she really loved you the most, the moment you said you wanted her for yourself.. She would have stopped seeing him. I've been in 3-way relationships before, where I was the one left, and I was the one chosen. Once, me and the other girl were both left.. He didn't feel he deserved us.. After that, me and the girl.. we split up.. Seeing each other only reminded us of him. Before he became like that; we thought we three were going to get married one day. Things happen that you cannot control, and life is unfair. Everyone says it, all the time. We hate it. I hate it. I still hurt over my ex too, and I'm afraid of love... I'm scared of the pain it causes and I fear if it breaks again I will cease to exist. It doesn't stop me from having minor crushes, and liking people. I have a crush on my friend who I am helping get over his ex.. But; I didn't know he had just gotten out of a relationship when I met him. You sound like a great guy, and I am sorrowful for what happened to you.. Don't let her consume you. She lied.. It doesn't matter what you did, if she loved you more she would have defended you.. No matter the cost.
PurelyInnocent
Answered Oct 14, 2013

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faith222
Answered Oct 15, 2013
I have a similar situation going on. But I've already halted myself from going further because I know there's too much history between her and 'him'. Even though I know (and she knows) there's an unxeplainable feeling that just makes sense. And I think it paralyzes her as it paralyzes me.
I think you are one of the few people who really experienced love, in its pure form. You sacrificed your mind and body to her and when she left, your mind AND body started to fall apart because they were so grown together with the person you love.
Time doesn't heal, that's a lie. But with time your mind will learn to oppress these feelings of loss, of despair. Though they'll keep lingering, but you will be able to find happiness again.
partlys4int
Answered Feb 15, 2014
I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too costly, I couldn't afford it either and I so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until I came across Priest Babaka, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and I got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact as I drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or facebook at priestly.babaka
christinamills
Answered Oct 15, 2018
I want to use this means to let the world know that all hope is not lost Getting pregnant after having tubes clamped and burned, I know IVF and Reversal could help but it way too costly, I couldn't afford it either and I so desire to add another baby to my family been trying for 5 years, not until I came across Priest Babaka, who cast a pregnancy/Fertility spell for me and I got pregnant.l hope that women out there who are going through the same fears and worries l went through in GETTING PREGNANT , will find your contact as I drop it here on this site, and solution will come to them as they contact you. Thank you and God bless you to reach him email via: babaka.wolf@gmail.com or facebook at priestly.babaka

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