Im tryna avoid my pain

Which is y I been acting insane lately. Literally. When im jus sitting without summ to take my mind off her. I feel a deep mix of sadness and anger. Or I might accidentally jus explode on a friend all of da sudden then feel so bad after. Or i'll b imagining so deeply tht we're together n she want me tht I'll reach out in front of me... As if she's there n she jus fades away. N i'll get so angry at myself. N I sometimes am right in the midst of summ n will jus stop, in a trance thinking of her. Sometimes I jus tear up n have to shake it off. I obviously wear the depression on my face because ppl always know summ's up n when they ask I make sum excuse. This level of sadness is so deep it physically tires me out. N I feel so disconnected from everything n everyone without her love. I got over her, partly but never recovered n relapsed in this depression 10 times worse. I wanna escape. Ive considered drugs. But Ion wanna ruin my football career. Ive also been thinkin more violently. My thoughts of homicide have increased. Never suicidal tho. I jus wanna have her. I shud b over her ik. I posted about how I love her before. But im still hurtin.
Asked Oct 02, 2013

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