Dont know if im gay or bi, I hate this

IM 28, ive always had sexual attractions to both female and male, I dated a girls for 4 years and loved her deeply we broke up and I was extremly hurt., but now im just confused, I like girls but not as sexually attractive as guys, yet the one time I was with a guy I almost threw up, my bonner went away,,, I hate being f,ing 28 and not knowing what I am!!! plus the bitch of my ex left me scared and im incapable of getting close to anyone..... some one please help...

Asked May 25, 2013
I think your bi, just not used to being bi, so it has a negative reaction.
Answered May 25, 2013
Well, congrats, ain't feelings great ! I'm a 43 y.o. Gay Counselor in San Francisco who has worked extensively with men on their many faceted issues surrounding orientation, sex, and everything that goes with that. I've studied every (wonderful) aspect of male sexuality between men of all orientations, ages, races, ethnicities, etc. The answer as to whether your "gay or bi" is best answered by YOU. Yep, you know the answer.
To help, I hope, answer some questions, honestly. Do you, at this point in time, enjoy men or women more? It sounds to me your not very experienced, sexually and otherwise, with men. So, wherever you call home, see if there's a GLBT friendly organization, I highly recommend PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) call them up and talk to someone. You are also free to contact me directly via email @ [email protected] or my office at 415-601-2437 anytime after 10AM PST and I'd be happy to talk to you, 100% Confidentially.
As for feeling as though you wanted to puck and loosing your boner when you had sex with a guy, let me put you at ease, YOUR NORMAL. Yep, perfectly normal. What happen is called "Anxiety" you were freaked out about the experience for several reasons. First, and I'm guessing here, you've probably thought about sex with guys before, you've probably jacked off to some pics of nude guys and/or watched some gay porn, maybe not, but I'm quite certain the "curiosity" factor has been there. Perfectly normal and natural (for anyone, regardless) these feelings cause you anxiety most likely because of your upbringing. Perhaps what a religious leader said or what was said about "gays" "fags" "queers" was always bad? Maybe not. But you were anxious because although part of you enjoyed having the sex, the other side of that "pleasure" was guilt. You felt "weird" or "wrong" about it.
This is perfectly normal for guys whose "experience" with men is new. I'm thinking, by your response, your more sexual with women, because it allows you to "repress" your other feelings, for guys.
Don't get down on yourself, it happens. But, before you go have sex again, talk to a Counselor or perhaps a very close friend that you feel you can trust. Just fuking around to "test" you, is emotionally harmful to yourself. Honestly, I'd go online, if you can and if your comfortable, look at some pics of nude guys, and see how you respond. In Counseling we call this technique "Aversion Therapy" by submitting yourself to the "anxiety" of another nude guy, you avert this anxiety by learning to adjust to it, safely. If nude guys turn on, and you get a boner, well whip it out and have fun :)
Don't get stressed about this. Your reaction was very normal. You need to explore your true, honest, gut retching feelings about how you feel. Whatever your feelings are or aren't, there normal.
I luv all kinds of men. Especially men of different races and it helps if their uncut to :) either way, explore why you like guys. Is is something about their looks, their smell, the clothes they wear? Freely explore these avenues. Good luck :)
Answered Jun 26, 2014

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