I want to commit suicide, but it has to look like an accident

Before I continue... I have read other similar threads on this topic and all the following commentary. It's just too late to convince me against my decision. I am 38 years of age and I know I can't go on. I have spent the last twenty years traveling from one country to an other in the hope of finding a life, a love, a home, a job, a friend, anything solid that would make me not want to die. But I have nothing and I love no one. I am so lonely that I can hardly breath. Even when I smile... it's a lie. I'm always looking around the corner waiting for that chance to come... but it never does.

I have always worked two jobs to keep my head above board. Opportunities seem to pass me by at the closest range, I've always just been that bit too late no matter how close they came. I'm gay, but that doesn't really come into it. I don't hate myself for being gay... I hate myself because I cant rise above it. I'm not religious, but I know suicide doesn't make for a good start in the next life. I'm writing this because I don't ever want my family to know I did this. it would kill them. I need them to understand it was an accident. I have to do this and I will do this... instead of promising me that things will get better just give me the solution that will spare my family the pain and shame. how can I make my death look like an accident?

now I actually am against you from you doing suicide there some other way u can find a friend a lover and there are people that care about you and committing suicide will hurt the people that love you tell your parents whats happing and let them know your lonely then you can go to work and you might get working buddies that are friends with you and if you are really that lonely I be your friend! I would love to be your friend my email address is smosh01@live.com and we can chat about this and I hope this is not the way to make you feel better there are so things in life you can not miss so plz plz plz do not suicide I begging you it hurts me so plz we can chat on email (on hotmail) and we can chat I hope you change your mind and remember your not alone I once thought of killing my self when I was 7! and im 11 now and I'm regretting that I never thought of that a promise things will get better see ya!

That kids 11 so fair play to them for trying to help you....
My Names Hayleigh when I Read Things like This It Hurts I Want To set Up A Charity For People Like You. You Feel Like You Have Gone Past The Point Of Return?
hayleigh_r91@hotmail.co.uk

Give Me A Chance To Help
1. Chance Thats All I Ask

If I Can'T Help then I Will help You Think Of Away To Make It Look Like An Accident.

I'M Begging you To Try One Last Time. I Don'T even Know You And I Care About You.

Please.dont kill yourself a few months ago my bestfriend of 7 years killed themselves at the age of 14 and it pains me just to think about because even if you make it look like an accident your family will still have to cope with your death and just look at all those people who want to be your friend and they dont even know u so please reconsider

dont suicede its not usefull god gave a chanceon all of us so if you suicede you go to hell

I hope one of these good people help you overcome this. I'm not going to be one of those people that promise it will change because I can't change that but I can say that everyone has a place even if you feel like you are worthless. Sorry I don't have much to say but I hope everything turns out okay.

GOOD DAY,
MY NAME IS PEARL BANKS, AND I LIVE IN WESTMINSTER CA, AND FOR OVER 3 YEARS THINGS HAVE REALLY TAKEN A DOWNSIDE FOR ME,I LOST MY JOB AND WAS STRUGGLING TO SURVIVE ON ODD JOBS AND TO MAKE THINGS WORST MY HUSBAND JIM LEFT ME FOR A RUSSIAN BLONDE,AND I FOUND LIFE UNBEARABLE FEEDING MYSELF AND TAKING CARE OF MY TWO KIDS, I ALMOST THOUGHT OF COMMITTING SUICIDE BUT THE THOUGHT OF MY LOVELY DAUGHTERS KEPT THAT OPTION AWAY. I KEPT PRAYING AND HOPING FOR THE BEST UNTIL I STUMBLED ABOUT AN ARTICLE ABOUT SPELLS AND HOW IT HELPED PEOPLE GET THEIR LIFE'S BACK, I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN SUCH ACTS BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY ALL AMOUNTED TO WITCHCRAFT AND EVIL. BUT MY LIFE CHANGED WHEN I CONTACTED PROPHET SAHURAJA MANDI VIA EMAIL WHO PERFORMED SOME SPELLS AND IN LESS THAN A WEEK MY HUSBAND JIM CAME BACK HOME AND STARTED ACTING LIKE THE MAN HE USED TO BE LOVING AND CARING AS EVER. HE ALSO CAST A SPELL ON MY JOB REQUEST AND RIGHT NOW I HAVE A JOB WITH A 6 FIGURE PAYMENT ANNUALLY, I JUST BOUGHT A NEW HOME AND JUST YESTERDAY AFTER JIM CONTACTED HIM ALSO HE HAS GOT A BRAND NEW JOB AND ALSO BOUGHT A CAR NOW. LIFE IS BACK AND SWEET AS IT USED TO BE. MR SAHURAJA CAN DO ANY SPELL FOR YOU TO SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS, FROM LOVE, JOBS, WINNING OF CONTRACTS, RETRIEVING OF LOANS AND ALSO GETTING BACK YOUR MONEY IF SCAMMED. AND ANY THING YOU NEED JUST CONTACT HIM VIA EMAIL: sahurajatemples@gmail.com AND I AM SURE YOUR LIFE'S WOULD NOT REMAIN SAME AGAIN

Also I know you are struggling but if you truly love your family you will talk to them. Should you do this they will be devestated for the rest of their lives, blaming themselves, even if that is not your intent. Do not quit on life, do not quit on yourself, do not quit on them. Trouble does not last always. Your life has value!!!!