I think I may have bpd

I know I shouldn't self diagnose and I don't normally do so but I cant go to the doctors. I have horrible emotional problems. most of my strong emotions are anxiety, anger, disassociation and then sometimes happy. an example is from today I woke up in a pleasant happy mood around 4 hours later I got mega depressed (thinking about suicide) I even cried. Not long after that I was extremely mad at my old best friend and my brother. a couple of hours after this until now I've been in a pleasant happy mood. a lot of the time I feel like im living in a dream. I go to counselling but she doesn't know me that well and I don't trust her enough for her to know how I feel. when im down I become very needy and find it difficult to leave my counsellor alone. I use to have a best friend and a few other close friends in the past but I got really mad at them as I thought they were going to replace me so I was acting in a passive aggressive way towards them in which they got mad by me and moved on to other people. now I don't talk to many people who could potentially be friends with me s its too much effort maintain a friendship due to me thinking im going to be replaced and also every friendship I make wont last so its better to be hurt no by being lonely than be more hurt making friends. I don't know if this is bpd or not as I don't act impulsively and don't full on hate many people I just have anger towards them. I do however have very low self esteem and imagine (which the counsellor told me and she also told me im a very highly sensitive person).

I would suggest being completely open with your counselor. She can't fully help you without knowing all the facts.

When you need someone to chat with to vent or just talk about your feelings, you can go to crisischat.org. They've been really helpful for me. It's free and anonymous.