I am not able to understand myself

hello everyone ,
I will not label myself at the start as I seriously don't know my problem...I hope someone can really help me....
I have always been quite different from others and not able to mix up with people easily . I am not able to understand social behaviour , and I am usually laughed upon ....I had very few or no friends. People trouble me easily and I always feel the fear of being laughed upon at all times ....that is why I avoid social contact as much as I can .I am quite frankly jealous of the people who have social lives and are considered cool or smart or whatever. This daunts me from the very start of my existence and now I am literally sick of it . I have come to hate myself and my life. I am not able to undestand why I am like this and what is wrong with me and what wrong have I done . I have no real fun in life and I do not feel myself worthy of it even ..I even do not understand when are people are really making fun of me or they are just joking. I wonder always why I have been made like that and what can I do to come out of it .
I had this feeling of being a loser from the start and always believed future would be different...yes it was different...for the worse...I always had new people to laugh on me ...in whole school and now in college....This constant depression is eating upon me....I am steeply degrading and getting down..my studies ..which had been my only good point is also getting down.. I am not able to study even and have lost interest in it..life seems to be a big grind.Any of my talents are being eaten upon. Plus I have a career to make , my life (or my real challenges ) have just started and I never feel courageous enough to face them . All of my dreams about my life up till now have shattered . Still I look to make my present pleasurable and content,full of joy and fun but my problems never leave me...Now I am seriously tired and lost any hope for happy future . Still I have to focus on my studies and things to accomplish. I fear how will I meet my upcoming problems when even normal life is trouble ....please help me

depression is a mental disorder, I would recomend talking to a Councillor to help and get diagnosed properly,but never give up on yourself,it could be caused by a number of things and with the right help and support you will hopefully feel better

only one solution is you have to use courage and confidence and its not compulsory to be a social or interactive person.
There are so many people are no so much social then they are happy, dont take it what other say or fun on you. every person are different and proud to be on it.
Be your self then you can do anything you want..... thats true

There is always a Silver Linings. You just have to have hope and faith and you'll find it. I am in the process of finding myself and I've discovered that if you pray on it, and even if you don't know how to have faith in anything, just try, because I've been seeing results. I will recommend the book the perks of being a Wallflower. And please talk to someone, get a phsychiatrist- I think I spelled that wrong- or start doing something that you love. You have this depressiion and it needs to go away. You are the controller of your own fate, I stopped believing in predestination, because we make our own path. If you think this has helped please i'll give you some songs that've really helped me and if you just need someone to talk to please just talk to me. My email is missk0906@hotmail.com, just don't give up, keep fighting