Why am I still thinking about the past?

I'm 20 years old. I have been friends with this guy since I was 14. We were extremely close. We talked all the time and spent tons of time together. He was always there for me. In fact, he was the first man to ever tell me that I was beautiful. Being young and stupid, I never caught on that he liked me more than a friend. Yet he stuck it out through me having different boyfriends and going through phases. While in a relationship with my current boyfriend, we were having some troubles and took a short break from each other. While my friend was comforting me, he was hugging and cuddling me and making sure I was okay. That was when he admitted all of his true feelings for me. He said that he's been in love with me for years and we kissed. Nothing more. Being as oblivious as I am, I was caught extremely off-guard. I was and am in love with my boyfriend, but I can't say that I didn't ever thing about what it would be like to be with my friend. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to stay with my boyfriend, as I have been with him 3 years and I can see my life with him. Sadly, that has caused my friend to grow distant from me. We used to talk every day all the time, now it's maybe once a week if even that. I can't blame him, but it makes me really sad. I love my boyfriend and we have a definite future together, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what life would be like to be with my friend instead.

Though he admitted his love for me over a year ago, it keeps rolling through my mind. I care for him a lot, I always have and always will. I guess my question is why? Why did he wait that long to tell me? Or rather, why didn't I ever notice the obvious hints and signs he was putting out? But mainly, why is life so confusing?
Asked Mar 30, 2013
You yourself found the problem...try meditation or yoga to bring peace to the mind.
Answered Apr 02, 2013

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