I can't tell her I love her and its making me crazy

I'm in love with my friend (both girls). We used to live in the same state but I moved away. I've been struggling with telling her how I feel. I've been back to see her for a day and we spent most of the time hugging or looking at each other and smiling. I still couldn't tell her. I ended up getting drunk and took some cocaine. She would be angry if she found out that I took cocaine.
I've had to stop going out to bars and clubs in my city because my behaviour is getting worse. I end up drunk and going home with a girl I've met that night. I told her about it a couple of times, but not all of them. I couldn't tell if she was jealous or not. How can I stop this destructive behaviour?

just talk to her, stop holding back your feelings. and you should start talking to someone who is close to you, clearly things are bothering you.