How do I tell mom I'm moving in with dad?

I have been in a broken home since I was an infant, and although my mother does have more custody than my father, I'm pretty much shared between them. They live in the same area, so I just go from house to house all week, and they have me every other weekend. Also, I spend summer weeks at my dad's and summer weekends at my mom's.
My father is self employed, and in the last few years, he hasn't been getting much work. The thing that's stopping him from moving to a better place for work is me. He's going to move away as soon as I graduate high school, but I'd much rather prefer moving now.
Truth is, my home life at mom's is terrible. My mother is so deep into depression that she nevers leaves the house and feels sorry for herself all day. She and my stepdad blow all of our money on things we really don't need, and it's making us in debt. It's my job to be the responsible one and clean the house and make sure my mother doesn't do anything bad, and I just can't do it anymore. She's an alcoholic and it keeps me up all night and most nights I have panic attacks.
Dad knows about this, but he and mom are very civil with eachother now, although dad has made it very clear with me that he's not comfortable with the situation at mum's. We have both talked it over a lot, and if he doesn't get much work this summer, he's putting the house up for sale. He wants to move south (we live in the north) and bring me with him. We've discussed that I really wouldn't be missing as much as I'm gaining when moving, and the same situation is for him.
My home life at dad's is just as normal as any child's and we might get in arguments a lot, but what teen and her father don't? At dad's, all my siblings are moved out and on their own, but at mom's I still have an older sister who's in high school.
I love my mom, and I still want her and dad to be civil friends, but I need to be living with my dad. I don't know if mom would understand, but she put my dad through a lot when I was a baby. It cost him ten grand to get custody then, and I don't want him to have to pay too much more to get me again.
malmo777
Asked Mar 19, 2013
well if you think she will handle it ok.. then.just tell her.. I went through the same thing.except I had to leave with my parents two weeks then two weeks.. and when I went to my dads house I.told him I.didn't want to go back.. the legal age is u have to be fourteen or older to.choose and there is nothing they can do about it..
destnash
Answered Mar 19, 2013
Your dad can check to see if local laws say you're old enough to tell the court where you want to live. If so, that makes the process much easier.

You can tell your mom how you feel... how her drinking has negatively impacted you... although you love her very much and want to maintain a relationship, your home life with your father is much less stressful, and that's where you'd like to be on a permanent basis.

Your dad knows your mom better than any of us do. He might have better ideas on how to tell her. Also, if he has to involve an attorney for some reason, it's better for him (and the attorney) to advise you on the best time to tell her. Sometimes legal strategy is an issue.

Good luck.
skyDancer
Answered Mar 19, 2013

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