I was born into a Christian household, and some of the worst arguments I ever had with my mother and grandmother were on Sunday mornings when I objected to being forced to go to church. My family tells stories of me making scientific arguments against my Sunday School teacher (my great aunt!) when I was only 4. I never embraced their religion because it never made sense to me. I found something that does work for my mind in my mid-20s.
To me, the Bible was like fairy tales or Roman mythology, but to them, it was sacred. There's no compromising such strongly opposed views, and we were all entitled to our opinions.
The thing is, they truly believed they were doing the right thing by forcing my to go to church, choir practice, Bible study, Vacation Bible School, revivals, etc, etc. They really believe in their religion, and believed I was in serious danger if it didn't believe. They have never caught on to the fact that the more they tried to force their religion down my throat, the worse they make it look. Your grandfather is probably in the same camp.
It doesn't matter how wrong you think he is, or how wrong he may or may not actually be. It's not about right or wrong.
What's really important is how you maintain a loving relationship with a relative how probably loves you very dearly, wants the very best for you, and is doing his best to steer you in the "right" direction, but is honestly incapable of accepting or respecting your point of view because he so strongly believes in his own. That's human.
I'm in my mid-30s now, and they still haven't changed their opinions... and neither have I. I don't know how old you are, but learning to peacefully coexist with people who hold views you don't share is a part of growing up.
I wish I had been more respectful when I fought with my family over these issues as a child and teenager. Having loving parents and grandparents in your life is a pretty special thing that won't last forever, so I hope you can learn from my mistakes. I could have avoided making things worse for myself and them if I had not been so attached to being right and trying to make them know I'm right.
Sometimes when you're younger -- and especially if you're dependent -- you have to be quiet and swallow your elder's opinions (although it's MONUMENTALLY unfair) until you're on your own, or at least away at college.
If you can, maybe respectfully say, "I love you, but I disagree." And only say that, even if you have to repeat it. If he keeps going, just smile in a non-condescending way and stop engaging. The more you say, the more material you give him to work with. Salespeople learn early to keep their prey talking, because as long as they're talking, you've got an opportunity to make a sale. It's harder to make a sale to someone who won't engage with you. There's no negotiating to be done here, so arguing points of fact is irrelevant, comes across as insulting, and only makes people want to try harder.
Try not to let him rattle your cage when he starts in on you. Stay calm. Stay respectful. Don't get angry or upset, no matter how utterly infuriating it is to be berated with any point of view you reject.
Learning to control your body, speech, and mind during confrontation is a skill that will serve you well for the rest of your life. If that's all you get from these interactions with him, then that's a great consolation prize.
Good luck.
Answered Mar 08, 2013
Edited Mar 08, 2013
