I am stuck in a very bad position and don't know where to go

this has happened to me once before a few weeks ago. a sudden onset of depression that I can't deal with. I have a lot of tough problems and a lot to be worried about but it usually doesn't depress me. I can't sleep and I have nothing to do but worry about whether things will work out or not which they wont unless I work very very unusually hard. I dont have much time to fix things either. I usually help others out a lot but today I cannot concentrate on doing that. everything feels boring. I want to be free to have companions but I am quite lonely. there is a lot more to say but I dont have the clarity or energy to summarize the whole problem. long story short I am from one of the most corrupt countries there is and that has badly disrupted my life making it necessary to escape that country and head for others but they its not so easy to just become part of another country. there are many formalities to go through. I am worried if I am going to make it out of here on time or not and if the decent countries will give us permission to work and stay there and if that will be good or not. very worried its so difficult to be happy without a good base. and I dont have that.

i dont have anything to do here or anywhere to go. no friends. no one to meet with. no one to party with, work with etc. to be honest the place where I am is disgusting to the core. all these things are uncommon here. its so sick that he male to female ratio here is about literally 35 to 1. I am not making this up. this place is deranged. I am stuck the whole day at home bc the people outside are too creepy and there is nothing to do outside anyway, no options for recreation or anything. and as I mentioned my home country is another mess of corruption and unfairness. have I made things clear enough or should I type more.

something I didn't mention earlier was that I am extremely dissatisfied with my penis and my appearance in general. I look very good compared to most people but its not good enough for me. I used to look so much better before I started staying at home all day. the last two years have been very difficult for me and my appearance has declined a lot which is pretty upsetting to me. the worst thing is none of this can really be changed especially the penis thing. what am I going to do take enlargement pills I doubt any of those even work without side effects that could be harmful. basically I love girls especially very beautiful girls and I need one or more of them very badly. can't go on without them. but I feel due to my inadequate penis and small little man boobs that I am not good enough for them. yet I am not strong or energetic enough to work out and build muscles. I have serious doubts about my ability to get a proper erection and satisfy a lady. add to that how perverted people are these days and the unwanted thoughts of closet gay men keep hitting me. all I have wanted for the last ten years was to have a very nice girlfriend but I couldn't get one. its so sad I can't even describe it. why was my growth so assymetrical. I got the good looks but not the strong penis. its not even my fault. its all genetic but I feel like I have missed out badly. also I grew up going to an all boys classroom because this sick country where my dumb father chose to live separates boy and girls in school. that;s a rule here. if I had been growing up in a normal country with girls in the class my penis would have developed more. there is no cure for this I just have to use what little I have but I can;t get over the thought that its not good enough for hot chicks. but I need chicks as badly as I need air. please dont ban me for writing penis. I had to explain why I am upset. I am upset about how it looks, the size, the functioning of it. I feel like I missed the jackpot of being both good looking and having a strong dong. my sperm volume also is low. this could all be due to our religious rule of not eating beef which is how I grew up. damn religion always telling people to hurt and restrict themselves over non existant gods. it cant even be calculated how much religions have hurt the planet and the humans. anyway, thanks for reading and replying if you did.

update
i was depressed the night I wrote this post but am no longer depressed just anxious about the future. will it work out or wont it. how will it work out. what do I need to do. will the people cooperate with me. etc. so yeah just worried a bit at this point not full out depressed. but I have been having unwanted thoughts for the last two or three days that came out of nowhere. in addition I am extremely upset about the woman abusing misogynistic porn industry just downright insulting poor girls in their videos and people applauding instead of demanding the california government to make it illegal. its just atrocious. cant describe how bad this is for society.

I think you should do all you can to make your life happier and get to a better place! Once you are in a better country, you can see a person such as a psychologist to get a diagnosis on your self-proclaimed depression. Make sure to study the other country, its history, language, currency, expand your knowledge AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE! If you know about the country, not only will living in it be easier, but you can become a citizen (depending on the laws, which you should study also)! Most of all, my advice to you is to stay positive. There are bad, and as you put it, "creepy" people out there. The world CAN be a disgusting place. HOWEVER, it can be beautiful, amazing, fantastic, jovial, and an all-around great place to be. Be thankful for your life and try to pave your own path to happiness, which can be found in even the darkest of places. I wish you luck on your journey, with your 'depression,' and with your studies, should you choose to study(which I HIGHLY recommend). I think you should also consider staying if you can find an uncorrupted place to save yourself the trouble. But you should leave. Really. <3 SARA~AH