Have I screwed up?

Ok so my bf is my only true friend, I'm 14 he's 16 we've been 2gether 4 about 2 yrs. He's my life, my parents split, mommy's always sad crying and drinking, me n my bf have sex sometimes. Life is rlly sad n dark n foggy n unclear right now. I smoke and I have a 3 yrs old bro, who's future isn't looking bright so it makes me even more depressed. I luv Eric (my bf), sometimes he hits me wen he's very angry tho becuz sometimes I act dumb so it's ok. I have mental disorders so I spazz out sometimes, sometimes I get high on my medication, I have nice features and a good shape, I wear dark everything and cover my face because I'm ashamed of how I'm living, my house is dark n filthy, I've had 2 kill strange things running around here, I get called slut a lot. I like 2 rather hang out at my bf's house cuz it's clean n his parents can cook so wen I come over they make rlly good food n they like me, n have sympathy 4 me n say there house is always open 2 me. I'd like 2 have friends but I can't because nobody gets me. I smoke with Eric, we do everything 2gether. When he's not around I feel unsafe and suicidal. He once choked me and said "I'll love u 4ever", his hand hurt around my neck so I said "Eric, you're hurting me!" and he got mad and bit me then slammed me against the wall and then he hugged me and kissed me all over n kept saying sorry. I didnt understand, but I luv him so I let it go, but I'm confused about wut happened though. I skip school a lot and cry myself 2 sleep I dunno if I already said so but I'm covered in scars, I envy others because they live "normal". I miss being little, I am always hungry at home I can't cook and we hardly have food so I eat small things unless I go out. I'm scared of so many things and I need 2 feel loved. Plz bring me a little peace, I am nice deep inside but outside I'm a bitch. I'm so fed up with this, I need something I feel empty, daddy NEVER visits. I feel like this is all my fault. Have I screwed up so much it can't be fixed? I need Eric he's everything 2 me, please take sum of the pain away! ): I've had suicidal thoughts but I don't want 2 die because I have very faint hope and if it gets better I want 2 feel better. Help. Understand me plz. I'm sorry if u can't understand me my thoughts r evrywhere, but plz just try 2 help me...

This is my account cuz they dint let me sign back in the other. Fml -__-

Well, you haven't screwed up EVERYTHING, like when your parents split, You didn't make them do that, you don't make your mom drink and cry, etc. However the sex and the smoking is partly your fault for starting, but you're a product of your environment, Eric is straight up triflin cuz, he hits you for acting "stupid"? Stupid by who's standards? I can't predict your future but I hope it improves, but it takes effort, so do everything you can for yourself to make life better. Good luck (:

If this guy hit me I would reach out slap him across the face and leave.
The only way to recover is start again turnover a new leaf. Forget the depression and loneliness if you really love Eric talk to him about moving in together in his nice house and about hurting you, maybe things can work out wishing you the best of luck