Should I change who I am, for my girlfriend?

I love my girlfriend, and she SAYS that she loves me back. (Not to sure on that though, because of the way I get treated sometimes.) Apparently, I am to depressed, I'm a smartass, stressful, and hate myself, oh and I cause to much drama, i'm to femanine, and mean, and my tone of voice is always depressing, and I always look depressed..?...
Now, I don't hate myself, I am usually always happy also. I will admit, I am a sensitive guy, but I am not ALWAYS depressed. Now I do have a lot of stress, but I do my best to get over it and usually always wear a smile.
My girlfriend, on the other hand, has real problems (A BIG REASON WHY I AM DEPRESSED). She is addicted to cocaine, cutting, B/P(Binging and purging), and she is anorexic... She has blamed me multiple times for causing the stress for this, even though she did this long before I ever knew she even existed..
I get frustrated sometimes, and try to talk to her about her problems, but she just gets mad or lies about things. But I NEVER yell or anything in that matter.
Today she talked to me, yet again about how I NEED TO CHANGE to make this relationship work. She says she wont dump me, but if I keep acting the way I do, that things will not work out.
I was walking with her in the hallway today and I said that my eyes were hurting because of my contacts. She said that maybe I should replace the pair. So I replied in my usual tone "I did replace them, just yesterday.". She then started to yell at me for snapping at her...I didn't even try to though...I didn't even notice that I had. She then told me that I need to control my emotions and my anger.

She has been causing my life so much stress for the past two months. I am beginning to become more senile because of this, more rude, cruel, and even disrespectful because of the stress she is causing me. I have changed so much about myself already..and I just need to know if it is worth it..? I love her to death, but I'm beginning to believe that the pain of a break-up wouldn't feel as bad as this relationship makes me feel. Not to mention, she is very very controlling. Every little thing has to be her way, or not at all. Oh, and I am a senior in highschool, shes 15 and I am 17. I just need advice if anyone can give it..?
Asked Oct 24, 2012
Take the time to read what you've written and ask yourself what you would think if someone else had posted it? The answer screams out at you, "What about this constitutes love?" The two of you don't even like each other.
Answered Oct 24, 2012
Edited Oct 24, 2012
I'm sorry to say this sounds like a very unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship. If you were someone I knew and loved, I'd encourage you to break up with her.

Sweetie, any time you get to the point where you think the pain of a breakup is equal to or better than the pain of being *in* the relationship, it's definitely time to go. When your girlfriend makes you feel depressed, it's definitely time to go. And if she thinks you are the cause of all of *her* problems and her life will be better if YOU change, it's definitely time to go. These are seriously bad signs.

More bad signs to be aware of as you move forward in your life are things like: when a girl *tells* you how you feel instead of *asking* and listening to how you feel... when someone has deep psychological issues (like ana, b/p, drug use, cutting, etc.) and they aren't getting help for it and progressing towards mental health... sudden mood changes or angry outbursts... when she lies... when she puts you down and calls you names... when she tries to change you into someone else... These are all bad, bad signs.
Answered Oct 24, 2012
I am just really scared to break up with her...I do love her and she does mean a lot to me..I just don't have the heart to hurt her like that..
Veran Oct 25, 2012
Unfortunately, this is something you'll need to learn how to do... this won't be the last time you break up with someone.

This isn't healthy for you. An important life lesson to learn is that the love you have for yourself has to outweigh the love you feel for a gf. It's not selfish to love yourself and take care of yourself. Just tell her it isn't working out and you think the two of you would be happier apart... and stick to it.

She's got serious issues she needs to work out, and it's not healthy for you to allow her to work them out on you. The pain will go away... for both of you. Just avoid her as much as you can and keep yourself busy.
Aside from maybe a true friend you can confide it, I'd recommend not talking to people about it. The gossip mill will churn on it's own. No need to help it along.

Are you sure you love her? Could it be codependence or guilt? Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.
Oh, and another thing... staying in a relationship just to avoid hurting someone's feelings is not a healthy reason to stay. That's an indication of codependence and that you're being manipulated. That causes more pain in the end.
Okay i'm 16 and have seen many relationships like this already. I think you should break up with her because she seems to be blaming all of her problems on you which is not right at all. You should probably just let her down easily since she cuts herself and is mostly depressed. I really don't think you should change who you are just for someone that's not even worth it. :P
Answered Oct 25, 2012
If to be in a relationship with someone you need to change yourself then it is not worth it. You dont have to change for love. The one who will love you, will accept you as you are. And if she cant then she does not love you at all. Why waste your time on her?
Answered Nov 23, 2012
You sound like a nice guy. Even if you love her she has no right to say those kinda things to you. It doesnt sound like she loves you and you shouldnt change cus someone else will like you for what and who u r so break up with her and wait until the perfect match comes along.
Im NOT saying its gonna be easy to dump someone you love like crazy I know it isnt but sometimes its for the greater good.
"One door closes another door opens"
Answered Dec 20, 2012

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