He says hurtful things to me and later acts like nothing has happened, is mad if I can't let go.?

My boyfriend always says hurtful things to me and gets really angry to the point where no conversation is possible. I usually get upset and don't talk to him. Or if I tell him that it hurt me he says its because I do have that fault he is pointing out. Sometimes I practice patience, be sort of like a doormat, and sometimes I don't talk to him. Then he doesn't call me back forever and when he calls again he acts like nothing has happened. But I'm still upset and this makes him angry again because I can't let go of it, and that is why we are having these difficulties, because of my negative character. Then when I tell him why he just tells me to stop arguing. And accuses me again the worst stuff. I really do love him and want to be with him and he also loves me, he calls me many times a day to see what I'm doing, almost a little controlling, and really cares for my live and work and helps me with anything. But this constant anger and arguing thing is really draining. Sometimes I just want to be the 'adult' and let him talk (doormat?) but sometimes I feel that its not ok to allow him to treat me like that. What to do?
Trinley
Asked Oct 21, 2012
It's not OK to let him treat you like that. To have a relationship that works, both people have to respect each other, your ideas and opinions. But above that, you have to respect yourself. He's using his anger to get his way. If you allow that to continue, your are setting yourself up for a difficult time. You have to draw a line in the sand.

Don't try to enforce that line in the middle of an argument, do it at the time he comes back as if nothing's happened. If he is unwilling to deal with the anger issue, it's time to start packing.
Rob
Answered Oct 21, 2012
This doesn't sound good at all. The cornerstone of any long-lasting, successful relationship is communication. Without that, there's just no way to work through problems. And when you add the anger and accusations and character assaults... this really doesn't sound good. Sometimes, love isn't enough. Without communication, this can't improve. If he can't listen to how you feel without attacking you, you can't work through this. Think about whether or not you think you deserve better...
skyDancer
Answered Oct 21, 2012
We call a person like that 'LOW SELF-ESTEEM" and by making you feel sad it's a way of making himself feel in controll...YES of you and the relationship. He has issues from the past that makes him be who he is. Try and find out obout his childhood, his backround in most cases you'll gather there was no support from his family or past relationships that made him feel worthless. try and see where this behaviour is coming from. But it's no excuse of hurting you like that. Next time be firm and give him tough love if he is your soul mate nothing will come between you guys. TOUGH LOVE!!!!!
5713
Answered Nov 29, 2012

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