What should I do? is this classed as cheating?

hi ive just found out that my boyfriend of nearly 4 years has been playing strip poker on his phone its the eva angelina strip poker game where you unlock sexy half naked pictures of women no naked pictures, but I now feel devastated. just over a year ago we broke up because I found messages on his phone that he had been messaging women and sending naked sexual pics back and forth to 4 different women, when I fount out my whole life fell apart but we eventually got back together and he said he would never hurt me again and I guess this strip poker is just a game but it just kills me, I mean for him to be playing these games then obvoulsy im not enough right?? I dont know what to do because if I ever bring up what happened in the past he gets very defense and wont talk about it and it took months for us to start building the trust again and I guess im not fully trusting as im always on edge when he goes out with friends etc. I mean should I be worried that this is just the beginning and he could be messaging or seeing other women again or should I try and talk to him even though he never talks about this stuff and just has ago at me for even bringing it up??? I mean if hes looking at pics of other women how can he love me, and when we get intamite is he thinking of me or them, he knows im insecure as EVERY man ive ever been close to has always left, my dad cheated on my mum and his new partner countless times, my grandad died when I was 12 n that caused trust issues for me aswell and every other man I have trusted and as of a year ago including my partner have all hurt me and I know not all men are like that its just hard to trust, and the fact that he has hidden this game from me and I found out he had been playing on it through an email he sent to review the game saying the "app rocks but needs more picture content. get me more content!!!" im just really hurt and want to tell what ive fount but I know he will be mad at me for checking his email. I love him but I dont think he loves me.. he always tells me he does and holds me when we sleep, kisses and hugs me all the time but after things like this how can I be sure? I dont know what to do
Asked Oct 16, 2012
Your boyfriend may have some kind of voyeurism problem but I don't think it rises to the same level as cheating. It's more like he's living in a fantasy world. The way to deal with fantasy in a relationship is to understand each others fantasies and try to make them come true.

Instead of putting the "Woe is me" emotion on him which doesn't seem to be working, talk to him about it openly. To get that started, wonder what his reaction would be if you told him you want to play the game too? Like if he's going to be "Clyde," then you want to be "Bonnie." Think he could see how silly his behavior is if he had the chance to see it in someone else?

Answered Oct 16, 2012

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