You are so young,I am 61 and most of my life although with more challenges then needed I never would have thought about wanting to die. however at 22 I was diagnosed with cancer and was 5 months pregnant . I was told to abort my baby
so I could get kimo and radiation .I prayed on it and decided to have my son, he was born no problems and 30 days later I had surgery and began kimo , I now had to raise my son I was given 3 months to live, I am now 61. then I had three other types of cancer show up ,beat them.I had my children a reason to be hear, now thy are grown with their own lives ,no longer need me in the last 3 years I have had two heart attacks , my colon removed and diagnosed with breast cancer.so I had ,my breast removed been through kimo and radiation
I pray a lot but in my whole life I never asked God for anything for myself only others,but pain has been more then I can handle so I prayed to God to please take me to heaven and stop all the pain.for the last 10 years every day I asked, nothing. Then a week ago I asked god to please tell me why he would not take me in exchange for a baby or young person he was about to take that could contribute to this earth instead of a used up worthless me,that night I had a dream Jesus was their, I was crying ,he looked at me and said my prayer was answered he gave me cancer,however I chose to have surgery take radiation take meds and fight for my life,so I must not want to really die. I felt so stupid He answered my prayers and I was to stupid to know it.God answers prayers,we just may think we want something but don't ,I knew then he was right if I wanted to die why would I fight so hard to live,so for anyone who thinks thy want to die you need to search your life and see if you are may be fighting so hard to live you cant and maybe that's because you really don't want to die ,Their is a reason we are hear,I don't know for what right now however for some reason I keep fighting,I only pray for enough brains to figure it out.
