My wife lied about her past.

I found out recently that my wife lied to me about her past. I knew she struggled with an eating disorder, self harm, alcohol and drugs- had been raped twice. She told me she never was promiscuous though. I believed her because she was a modest girl when I met her. I was probably stupid to beleive that. She had actually been with 3 other men and 7 women she failed to mention to me. I was completely honest with her, but she said she didnt feel it was worth getting into with me. I found a journal that had this information in it one day I was looking for something else in our house. She doesn't know that I know about her past in such detail. Should I confront her?

normalguyok

Asked Jul 29, 2012

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When you marry someone, you accept all of the baggage that comes with their past whether your were told about it or not. Until you see signs that there is something wrong between the two of you now, forget that you ever looked at her journal. It's what's going on now and in the future that will control whether your marriage survives or not. The past is gone and cannot be changed. Work on your future.

Rob

Answered Jul 30, 2012

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Good advice Rob ! He should delude himself that she's not lying to him and accept everything she says as the gospel truth. Everything will be perfect.

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WiserNow Jan 02, 2013

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i wouldnt is it wourth losing your wife over it and some one you love

trombley

Answered Jul 29, 2012

Edited Jul 29, 2012

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Truthfully I don't think you should of gone through her journal, because there are limits in relationships no matter what the situation is. Plus, she's probably scared you won't think of her as the same person if you knew about the other people she was with.

luv_meh

Answered Jul 29, 2012

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First of all, thank you for your thoughts. I agree with you that I shouldn't have looked through the journal for the most part. It was actually printed pages from the website live journal. She was married before but her husband cheated on her, that's what drew my attention. Not that this makes it right, but I believe most people would have done the same thing. When I say confront, I don't mean yell or scream, rather talk in a calm manner. It's really not so much that she has this sexual history- it's that she lied when I asked her directly in the past about this. Really the thing that gets me the most is that recently a situation happened where she compared me to another boyfriend she had and said that he would never do these things (nothing sinful on my part). Actually to find out that she did do the same thing with this other man and lied about it to me to prove a point. It hurts.