Wife lied about her past. What should I do?

Last night my wife told me she lied to me about how many guys she had sex with in her life. When we were dating three years ago, she had told me it was 5 guys (all relationships, no one night stands). But last night she confessed to me it was actually 18, and that 6 of them were one night stands. I'm really hurt to find out there were that many more, and I'm really hurt that she lied to me about it, and that she lied about having one night stands. What should I say or do?

Anonymous User
Anonymous User
Asked Apr 04, 2012
She lied because she knew you wouldn't marry her. You've,got ever right to get out if you want. I personally couldn't stay !!
Trust issues can be very draining! I started losing confidencece in my ex when I observed he started spending increased and unusual or unexplained amounts of time away from home. I also noticed he was deleting call and text history, leaving the room to take phone calls
minimizing computer screens when I enter the room. I initially kept calm about it you know. However after weeks and weeks of worry I confided in an old friend who referred me to a 'friend' that could help access private information so I could clear my doubts. I felt so hurt to find out he had been playing me but I moved on and I feel much happier and at peace now. Contact ' kryptohacker01 at gmail dot com ' he might be able to help you too, he is affordable and reliable. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!
Trisha Feb 07, 2018
Trust is always important in any relationship ! it is sad that she lied to you but did you have sex with other women before you married her and did you tell her about these other women ? Now that your married you should try to learn how to trust each other especially sexually but if you cant trust her then seek marriage counseling before you decide to divorce her ! Thanks
You don't mention your "pre-nup" score. She most likely lied about hers because she knew numbers were important to you and that 18 would have exceeded your threshold for marriage. Lying isn't cool but the real question is what condition the marriage is in right now. You can't change the past and you would be foolish to throw away something that's working well otherwise. You should base anything you do or say, 100 percent on what's happening in the marriage now. As disappointing as that news might be, whether the marriage works is all about now and tomorrow.
Answered Apr 04, 2012
Thanks for your answer. Our marriage was going great before this. My wife and I are best friends and do everything together. We were planning on having our first kid soon, but now I can't even think about that.

I have felt so sick the last few days, and just feel like I don't even know who she is now. It really hurts to find out there were that many, but her one-night stands really bother me, because I am totally against that sort of thing, and have never done anything like that.

I know I shouldn't think this, but right now I feel like she's not the same person I thought she was. I know that she is the same woman I fell in love with, but I just can't help but feel that way right now. I hope it goes away.
jte42 Apr 06, 2012
Well she told you now, which is good.
Try to get over it, I know it's difficult, but the important thing is she is yours now, and the 18 are just forgotten memories
Answered Apr 04, 2012
Thanks for your answer. I keep trying to tell myself these things and focus on the good, but it is tough to do. I just can't help feeling like she's not the person I thought she was.
jte42 Apr 06, 2012
I agree with Rob and BigRichard. She probably lied to you while you were dating so you would give her a chance and get to know her without forming a hasty opinion. No that you're married, she's being honest with you. You know who she is now. Work with that, and don't dwell on the past. She clearly is no longer that other woman.
Answered Apr 04, 2012
Thanks for your answer. I am trying to just think of the present and future with her, but it is tough. You're right. I may have formed a hasty opinion of her back then if I had known the truth. I just can't believe there were that many, and it really hurts me that she had one-night stands, because I am really against that sort of thing, especially to have 6 of them. I have never had any promiscous sex or anything like that in my life, as I have always had my future wife in mind, and only slept with girls that I really loved, and thought I could possibly marry.

After finding this out, I feel like I kept myself decent all these years for nothing. I know it probably shouldn't matter to me, but it just makes me so sad to know that 6 men that didn’t even know her, and had no feelings for her, got to have the same physical experiences with her that I do.
jte42 Apr 06, 2012
I can understand how you feel. My husband is an actor who used to hang out with pro ball players. You can just imagine what that lifestyle was like. He literally doesn't even know how many women he slept with when he was wild. I, on the other hand, can count my partners on one hand and have left over fingers. He was by himself for 6-7 years before we met, and in that time became a completely different person. He regrets his past so much, and never wants to talk about it. He told me after we'd been together a couple of years. I was shocked because it was like he was talking about a completely different person, not the solid, decent, dependable, moral, spiritual man that I know... And so that's where I decided to leave it. It's as if it was a man I don't know did those things, so it doesn't bother me. We have a strong marriage. I'm glad he trusted me enough to tell me.
You might want to give crisischat.org a try. They're good for when you want someone to just listen while you work something out. There's an anonymous feature.
Thanks for sharing your story, and thanks for your advice. I am going to try them Monday when they are back online.
jte42 Apr 07, 2012
I hope it helps. I know it feels strange now, but you can work through this. You'll both feel better when you forgive her.
She probably really liked you when you were dating, and didn't want you to judge her before getting to know her. She told you this now out of her love for you, and not wanting to keep anything from you, and that took a lot of courage on her part. Give her a big hug, tell her you love her, and forgive her and thank her for telling you the truth, and she'll know she can come to you with anything in the future.

What's in the past can't be undone, so there's no use dwelling on it. This doen't change who she is. She is still the same woman you fell in love with and married. It doesn't matter how many men she had sex with in the past. You may be number 19 instead of number 6 like you thought you were before, but the important thing is that you got her and there won't be a number 20.
Answered Apr 04, 2012
Edited Apr 04, 2012
Thanks for your answer. I keep trying to stay positive, and focus on the good, but it is tough to do. It's not just the amount that bother me. It bothers me that she had one-night stands because I am really against that. I can't stand knowing that these guys have probably bragged to their friends about what they did with her.
jte42 Apr 06, 2012
Thanks a lot. I appreciate your response. I'm trying to stay positive, and I think I'm starting to feel a little better now than I did a few days ago, when I first found out.
jte42 Apr 07, 2012
I agree with everyone. Forgive her. And don't treat her differently and don't punish her. Don't make her regret trusting you or she'll have trouble coming to you in the future.
Answered Apr 07, 2012
Edited Apr 07, 2012
Thanks for yor answer. I'm trying to stay positive because I don't ever want her to feel tht way, that she wouldn't be able to come to me with her problems.
jte42 Apr 07, 2012
First don't listen to these people saying don't treat her different or she won't come to you in the future or trust you !!!!its you that has all the reasons NOT to trust not her !!!!!she lied don't ever EVER forget that !! Its her that should do the work in repairing this marriage !!your a good man and deserved the truth and to spend life with an honest women !!
Answered Nov 17, 2012
Yes. Marriage is a commitment. You don't want to soend the rest of life with a public toilet. Leave her, move on and go away. Have yourself tested for sexually-transmitted diseases also.
Let it go . its all in the past. Did you ask her what is the purpose of telling you this other wise NOW! but then again if everything is going well in your mairriage why damage it with doubts and insecurities. Tell next time she pulls that stant she must go and fail for divorce clearly the ia a bigger reason she is telling all of this and let her know what damage she has caused by that statement next time she must think befor she opens that big mouth of hers.
Answered Nov 29, 2012
Thanks for your answer. I did ask why she told me now. She said when we were dating she was scared of losing me if I knew how many guys she had sex with. She planned on telling me the truth shortly after but kept holding it off, and it got harder and harder to tell me. She thought maybe she would just keep it a secret forever, but it ate away at her that she was keeping this from me. It still hurts to think about but we've been able to put it behind us and have patched things up.
jte42 Dec 23, 2012
true well said I agree
The previous commenters obviously feel that lying about one's sexual past is perfectly fine, that husbands should expect it and offer immediate forgiveness. What utter nonsense.

Lying to a potential spouse to hide your past sexual behavior is totally selfish, absolutlely disrespectful and incredibly short-sighted. You want to be perceived a certain way ? Behave that way. You want to indulge yourself sexually ? Accept that it will reflect on your character. You want to lie about it ? Expect consequences.

Lying in order to influence someone's decision to make a lifelong commitment to you means one of two things will happen - either you'll have to continue lie as much/often as necessary for the rest of your life, in order to keep the truth from surfacing, OR, if/when he finds out, you hope (demand) to be forgiven.

You didn't want to be seen as a slut ? Well, too bad, now you're a lying slut. Well done. You've poisoned the relationship forever. Your only recourse now is to blame it all on him, which is the standard practice.
Answered Dec 28, 2012
I 100% agree !its not about insecurity it's about wanting to be with someone you respect and has the set of values you place on yourself.
dkamp Jun 10, 2013
I agree with WiserNow. The others, especially the women, are fools and/or intellectually dishonest.
Answered Dec 30, 2012
So she didn't come clean on this until now....if this is all that is keeping your relationship together...you have bigger issues to deal with
Answered Apr 03, 2013
I'm not sure what you mean by "if this is all that is keeping your relationship together". Could you explain?
jte42 Apr 15, 2013
Wow I'm just going to come out and say it. Your a fucking egotistical,educated wannabe. What an asshole thing to say to this guy. Sex does matter,if you don't know that you maybe ought to look for a new career.
Answered Jul 20, 2013
Thanks for sticking up for me redline. I felt terrible after reading her answer. I appreciate your understanding and thoughtfulness.
jte42 Sep 09, 2013
It is in her past. Women are so ashamed to tell a man the actual number, because there are so many stereotypes on women in todays society. She probably liked you so much she dident want to scare you off at first. Now she is getting more comfortable with you and she feels that you are not going to judge her. It happens all the time, yes you would have liked it to come out in the beginning but atleast she is growing as a woman by telling the truth and hey the past is the past. Let it go :)
Answered Sep 10, 2013
Yes, it was in her past. But, if she had come clean, and given him the opportunity to decide how HE feels, then it would have *stayed* in the past. Instead, she decided to lie, drag it into the present and scatter it all over their future together. In order to get what SHE wanted.

It happens all the time because women decide for themselves what matters and what doesn't. They decide their sexual past is insignificant then lie about it, which immediately and ironically attests to its significance. Instead of scaring him off at first, she's scared him NOW; he doesn't feel good about his choice nor how he's been treated. Trust is gone. That is a perfectly natural reaction; one women should and obviously do expect, which is why they lie, declaring it a "white lie" or "lie of ommission". Or to "spare him".

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be deceived. It's not a hang-up.
Let the past be the past. Appreciate her honesty and imagine how those 18 guys banged her. Use it to spice up your relationship. Whener you imagine her with her past you'll get horny as fuck thinking how hot your wife is. Also, to get your ego and pride back. Go sleeo around but don't fall in love. Love your future kids and be a partber to your wife. There aint no perfect woman out there anyway. At least you got yourself a delayed honest wife.
Answered Oct 24, 2013
Why would he sleep around? That's supposed to get his ego and pride back? I don't think he wants to cheat on his wife. Haha. Or do you mean imagining her with those other guys to spice things up will get his pride and ego back? I do like that part about using that image of your wife with past partners to spice things up though. It certainly works for me every time.
What should you do? You should do nothing. You just have to know what's really important is how you feel about her now, and that what she did with those 18 guys before you came along has no affect on your relationship, and shouldn't affect how you feel about her now. No offense, but I think this is more about you not liking that other men have had your wife than the fact that she kept it from you. As long as she hasn't slept with any of those men since you've been together, then she has done absolutely nothing wrong. Her past, including who she's had sex with, is really none of your business anyway. I'm sure your wife doesn't want to dwell on what she did before when she may have been young and immature, and just wants to be honest with you and move on. Nobody is perfect. Besides, 18 sex partners for a woman really isn't that many. Your wife's sexual past sounds normal and healthy for an adult woman. My wife had sex with a lot more men then your wife, where as my partners were in the single digits. It doesn't make her any less of a woman, or any less of a good wife to me, or any less of a good mother to our children.

Women have the same sexual desires we have but are labeled as sluts if they sleep around or have sex for the physical pleasure alone. Your wife probably went through a phase where she got off on promiscuous sex, and wanted to feel naughty or see what it was like to go to bed with someone right away, or see what it was like to sleep around. She probably didn't tell you about it before because she is not like that any more and doesn't want you to judge her character or think of her as a slut, based on the way she acted during one particular time in her life. She may have been pretty young at the time too. Just be happy she got that out of her system before you came along. She has had experience with other men, but she chose to be with you. To me it sounds like you are a lucky guy and I'm sure she learned some techniques along the way as well that you are benefitting from.

I do know where you are coming from though. When I was dating my wife, it did bother me when I found out that DOZENS OF OTHER GUYS had taken her to bed and had her every way possible. I was pretty insecure about it at first, but over time though as I matured I realized how little it mattered who she slept with before. And I tried to just think about it more like this: MY WIFE is the one who had dozens of other guys but chose me! I don't know, just a different and more positive way to look at it I guess.

There's no way you can ever forget about what she did, and this might sound crazy, but during sex it can be a big turn on to think about your wife with past partners. I know it is for me. Just thinking about her being a "bad girl" back then and how much other guys wanted her, but that you got her can be very exciting!

Your wife's sexual experiences are completely normal. So don't think that you married some sex crazed slut. So many women lie about their number of partners. I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there with wives or girlfriends that have been with 20+ men that have no idea. The only difference is you know the truth now about your wife's number. And there is nothing wrong with the amount of partners she's had at all. And just think, she wouldn't be with the woman you fell in love with without those 18 guys. We are the sum of our experiences.

Good luck to you and your wife!
Answered Oct 25, 2013
Edited Oct 25, 2013
BS!!!!! Before you pledge to spent the rest of your life with someone, you deserve to know EVERYTHING about their past love/sex life. How else can you make an informed decision that you must live with until the day you die? It is always the promiscuous women that post that it is “all on the past.” That is only true if you were honest in the beginning and your husband does not mind marrying a slut. To most men, how many people you slept with - especially one night stands - is a dealbreaker.
Social work chick-
You sound like an idiot know it all
That was the biggest rant of bullshit I've read in a while..
Your rant was a waste of time for this man.. And everyone else here looking for advice- and since I'm not offering any here- I'll cut it short like you should have!
Answered Feb 12, 2014
I can relate to the OP. He shouldn't feel the least bit bad about himself for not liking having been lied to.

The "shut up, suck it up, and move on" comments are dismaying. Actions have consequences. If you don't want to be thought of as a slut, guess what? You shouldn't have been one. But the real issue isn't her past promiscuity. It's her deceit. She deceived this guy to get something she wanted. That's OK? And to those who say, "Well, everyone lies about their past".... NO! THEY DON'T! I don't!

I have been and remain in a similar situation as the OP. The difference is that I am STILL being lied to. I have practically needed a crowbar to pry information out of my wife about her past. It was very important to me when we were dating that I not marry a slut. It has to do with my mother having been a raging whore, which hurt my sister and I terribly.

I still don't know a lot about my wife's past. What I know for sure is that she is still lying to me and that I would not have married her if I had known the truth. That's a tough position to be in after 30 years. I dwell on it far too much, but can't help it.

I love my wife and want to fix things, but the dishonesty is killing me. I admit that a large part of my pain and anxiety has to do with my own insecurity. Like the OP, my wife had several one-night stands. I have no idea how many. A lot, I imagine. The ones I know about make me wonder, "Wow, if these guys were so hot and so sexually attractive that she had to have them right away, as soon as she met them, then I must be a real loser in comparison."

By definition, and I have read several, but mostly they suggest that a "slut" is a woman who has casual sex with no expectations, especially on first dates. Well, in many cases my wife never even had a first date with some of her past lovers. Here's an example, and I just recently found out about this one, after much questioning.... Just before she met me my wife met a guy at a pool party. Within an hour or two of meeting him she had his penis in her mouth. She then proceeded with the guy to a hotel, where they had sex all night long. Check out time - end of relationship. So, if that guy was that hot that my wife had to have sex with him immediately and then degraded the woman I married by fucking her all night long, then throwing her in the trash like a used condom, who am I? It really appears, in retrospect, that my wife did all of this by design. She led the life of a slut, with the intent to just do what she felt was momentarily pleaseing, despite negative effects it might have on her reputation, keep it a well-guarded, then wait for a guy (dumbass, like me) to come along, marry her, and be stupid enough to never ask questions. So far, her plan has worked perfectly, except for the past couple of years I have been asking questions and making some shocking discoveries.

Ladies, NEVER EVER EVER believe that a bad reputation is yours alone. Your husbands will carry your reputation with you. No guy is dissed more in social circles than the guy who married the girl every guy in the circle has had sex with.

Among other things that have contributed to my insecurity are two particular events that occurred while my wife and I were dating. On one occasion she came to me with a ruler in an attempt to measure my penis. I was very offended and wouldn't allow it. I am not a fish. She had obviously measured several penises before and was comparing. This is something she still lies about. She claims that I asked her to go get a ruler and measure my penis. I wouldn't allow her to measure my penis. Why would I ask her to do something that I wouldn't allow her to do? HUGE LIE!

On another occasion I was lying on the bed with an erect penis. She made the comment that she didn't consider a penis "big" until it reached or passed the belly button. Mine does not. Never did. Not even close. Likewise, she lies about this, saying that it was me who tried to stretch my penis to my belly button and making that comment. What?! These are lies, but not even good ones. And she is sticking with both lies, even 30 years later.

So, I think you can see my reason for feeling insecure. The biggest question that races through my mind on this issue is, "Why is she lying?" After much time considering this the only answer I can come up with is that I must really suck compared to her past lovers. Why else would she feel a need to lie about it?

In my case, I believe that we can still work this out.... possibly. But it has to start with COMPLETE honesty. Nothing else will do. My problem now is how do I Identify the truth. Would I recognize it if she told me? Because of her past lying how would I know that anything else she says is completely honest?

God Bless you, OP. I hope everything works out for you. And if anyone would like to offer suggestions on my own situation, please feel free.
Answered Jul 02, 2014

I feel your pain. I worked with many women over the years and many are much bigger pigs than us men will ever be. Guess the question is do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is honest, shows respect, and has integrity or a pig? Patterns don't change so easily and if she enjoyed casual sex in the past I can't imagine she doesn't now. There's many good people out there, don't let your heart get trampled on by someone who is not worth your time.

Cheers mate.
How convienient for women ! They are entitled to be slutty, lie and reject the natural consequences BECAUSE men ask for the simple truth ? What a screwed-up self-serving worldview. And you're a social worker ? Good lord.
Answered Aug 01, 2014
Well maybe she was another person before she met you. Maybe she renewed herself when she met you. Some people hate the people they use to be...many people want to bury the person of the past. The way you are reacting now is probably the way you would have reacted if she had told you back then. It doesn't matter how many sex partners you have had..what matters is the current one. You love each other. I don't think the number of sex partners should change the way you feel about someone...You are judging your wife. She probably feels very upset you think of her that way. I don't think you need to ask the partner of your choice how many people they have slept with...it's their business. All you need to know is if they are STI free. I think it would hurt 10 times as much if she told you she was cheating on you with several guys for the duration of your marriage and relationship. Also mentioned before...I think you feel threatened by the number of guys she has been with and how much experience she has had. One night stands mean nothing. So you shouldn't worry about it. People do a lot of things they regret when they are younger. People change. The number of guys she has slept with doesn't make her a different person. If she had told you earlier...just think about it..you wouldn't be where you are now together. I hate that women get judged for the amount of guys they sleep with...But with men..it doesn't matter. You married her..you vowed to cherish and love her! Talk to her. The obvious reason why she lied is because she knew you would react like this. As for your Question. 'What should I do?' You should forgive and forget. The amount of guys she slept with... was before she met you..not after. You love her right? People do lie...but they generally tell the truth later on. Nobody's perfect. If you wanted a wife without any sexual history. Then you should have married a virgin.
Answered Dec 01, 2014
How wonderful that one can suddenly declare themselves "renewed". But what does that mean ? One doesn't bury the past by lying about it, but rather by coming clean, so the "renewal" is often nothing more than justification to lie and avoid consequences. A new and better person starts out by lying ? No, only a selfish person does this.

He vowed to cherish and love her, yes, and he's clearly trying, despite being manipulated and lied to. But what about her vows ? In order to get what she wanted she's broken the trust he had in her. Decrying double-standards and trying to justify her dishonesty a hundred different ways doesn't change a thing. She's fundamentally and irreversibly changed the way he feels about her.

But, Bumblebee18, please enlighten me re: your last two sentences. Exactly how would he (or anyone) know if they married a virgin ? Y'know, since people do lie . . .
That is very complicated. It happened to me as well. For me it wasn't about the number it's a bout the fact the she hid from me her affair with a co-worker while I was their co-worker. People were whispering about them spending too much time together and so on. Then she eventually ended up with me. First thing I asked her, without judging upon people's gossips was if she had an affair with that guy and what did they do. Before getting involved seriously. She told that they didn't do anything special and she was just hanging around with him because he wanted to f*ck her and she liked this guy flirting with her and so on ... Basically she told me it was just a game for her, they didn't have sex, he tried several times to approach her sexually but she didn't respond.
I decided that I should trust her and not the gossips because after all people are whispering all the time and no one could tell for sure they had a sexual affair.
The key information is that at that time I was starting to have a crush on her and it was kinda hurting me to see her with that guy. She was also married at that time so I couldn't do much to compete with this co-worker who was the "the other man" for her. Not a big fan of foursomes, myself.
Anyway, her marriage was over before it even started so she was looking for something else.
After this we got involved seriously, she fell in love with me and because I couldn't stand the fact that I was "the other" I asked to choose: her husband or me. The second day she told her husband and then divorced. We got married, have 2 kids.
After 8 years, I had to have a phone conversation with her former lover, the other co-worker. She told me that he couldn't stand me because he felt like I blew his chances to have her and so on. So, obviously the guy should've been avoiding me at all costs. I had to call the company he works for to get a service and I wasn't expecting him to answer my call. Instead he did and was very polite and surprisingly willing to help me, considering the past and what my wife told me. He even offered to call me back to save my phone bill if you can believe that. That kinda pissed me off and it also looked suspicious to me that my wife insisted I should call someone else to get our heater problem fixed.
One after another, 2 nights after, after having some drinks I asked her straight what did she do with him actually. I took her by surprise and caught signs of lying and evasive attitude on her side. The moment I saw her reaction to my surprise questionaire I knew she's been lying to me about it.
She started telling me all sort f bullshit and lying. Anyway, stupid lies. That pissed me off a lot. I am not stupid at all but she tried desperately to lie to me like I was stupid or child. Anyway, after having a lot of fights she told me that they kissed several times, that he touched her tits (not accidentally) that she liked it "at that time" but that they didn't have sex. She changed her story so many times that I don't even know if I can believe her or not about them having sex. To be honest that doesn't even matter now because she already told me that she kissed him first and that she was the one with the first moves. That is gross to me, because I didn't like that guy anyway and I considered him gross. He was the albino kind of guy, stupid, not capable of humor and to be honest, ugly. He also had a lame character, being engaged at that time and cheating on his fiancee with my wife. Compared to that guy I am smart, funny, my skin is dark and I catch ten quick (latino skin), I am athletic, did martial arts for 7 years, I am a head taller than that lame f*cker, I know like 1000 jokes about anything, people like me, I know how to fix cars, plumming, electrical stuff, computers ... Anyway, the point is I couldn't see myself compared to that piece of sh*t and I couldn't believe that a woman could pick him instead of me for having an affair. Yes, my ego might be big and she hit me right into the heart of it when telling me the truth and sharing with me her passion at that time for that guy.
I felt like I was some second option that had to wait for her to give her best shot with that ... and then it was my turn. It's not about being the first. I didn't even care about her husband and about the fact that she had a one night stand with other guy before her husband.
But this situation broke our marriage. We're still married but thing never been the same. The gap between us kept growing and I don't see anyway to fix it.
I would've divorced her the moment I caught her lying but we have two wonderful kids and I don't want to break our kids lifes too. And besides that I couldn't the idea that she could take our kids and get married again and grow my kids with someone else. That, I could never accept.
So we are living together, having sex sometimes and sex is good but it's like living with stranger.
The fact that she lied to me when I asked her straight, the first time, knowing that I am trusting her my life hurt me too much. In fact I feel that she influenced my decision to get involved with her more and more by hiding these things. True, she didn't want me to judge her because she knew at that time I couldn't stand that lame f*cker. But if I knew this back then I would've probably ignored her and we wouldn't be married.
It is very wrong to influence one's choice especially when you are aware that he/she is blindly trusting you because he/shes loves you.
It is also very wrong to be so stupid and get caught with the lie at a later time.
It is even retarded to invent stupid lies to cover your sh*t and serve them to a guy you know is smart and reads you like a book.
I feel like I don't know her anymore, like she is a different person and she disappointed me like no one else could ever disappoint me.
My thoughts: if you are a slut don't lie to pose like a virgin or something. Or if you did lie take care and don't take the lies beyond your intellectual capacities. Bottom line is that a slut caught lying is nothing more than a lying slut. That simple. She practically refused to be perceived / accepted as a slut at the time we got together and she expects me to accept her as a lying slut after 10 year now. That is retarded. When she was 25 and extremely hot she only had this flaw: she was slut. but she refused to admit it thinking I wouldn't be interested in her anymore. Now, after 10 years, she still looks attractive and turns me on but it's not the same. Her great ass is not so great anymore, she got some extra weight, and cellulitis. And it all comes with a bonus. She's a liar. So now when she admits she's been a slut, she is a liar and got some extra weight and cellulitis I should accept, forgive and behave like it's all the same. What is wrong with her judgement? Truth is she got like 10 times better in bed since she's with me. She was lame at it when we started and she got her experience with me. But still, it's wrong.
The idea drove me mad in the last 2 years and I asked her to divorce several times. But she refuses. I told her I am going to cheat on her and have sex with younger women (was just a threat because I don't believe in random sex and one night stands; and I can keep it in my pants, I've been working with a lot of women and some of them were more or less willing to have sex with me but I politely refused). She said she that if I get back to her she will always forgive me. I treated her bad, hurt her feelings, offended her but she wouldn't want to get a divorce.
After all I decided that kids lives are more important and gave up on the idea of divorcing. She is crying all the time, saying he regrets everything and that she would die if I'd leave her that she couldn't live without me ..., blah blah...
Point is she drained all of my passion for her from the inside and I can live with her but I became very cold. It's not something I do on purpose I just did.
It sucks, sometimes is very depressing for me. It's like not going anywhere, but the kids growing compensate a lot of that.
I can't give any advice to anyone but I strongly believe that lying and pretending you're someone you aren't to someone important to you is bad. Things are not that complicated: past will generally predict your future and influence your present. You don't want to be seen as a slut, don't act like one. Or at least be smart and discreet.
My kung-fu is way better than my English and I am not an English speaker so if reading and understanding this text hurts or your mind, my sincere apologies.
Answered Jan 11, 2015
Edited Jan 11, 2015
I told my husband I am very upset by simply hearing he wants to have a good discussion with me without having even heard about the divorce word. I also told him that if he proceeds with divorce, I won’t continue the family time with him anymore. We fight for few weeks and I decided that it’s a time for a change. I order love spell from this website http://magical-rituals.com and my husband change. He became good, nice person and he loved me again. I’m very happy about that.
Answered Dec 09, 2015
Can no body advise what to actually do! The only solution even saw was sleep around, don't fall in love.
Answered Jun 19, 2017
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Answered Feb 24, 2018
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Answered Apr 09, 2018
After being 0n relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr OKOSO and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: OKOSOTEMPLE @ gmail . com
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Answered Aug 16, 2018
Edited Aug 16, 2018
No matter how old you are, family history is important. While you might not think so at the time, as you get older there will be things you and your grandchildren will want to know. Most of us don't realize it until the older generations are gone and you can't replace first hand comments. Don't just put in about the good times, add in the harder times and how you overcame those trials. Another thing to remember is what caused the deaths of those you loved. There are many things that have been found to continue into future generations that knowing it runs in the family can be helped with now or possible in the future. prevention starts with knowing where to start. I wish someone had taken the time to write these things down for mew to be able to go back to. My Grandmother and my mother told us many stories of what things happened in their lives and about the people in their lives. I now wish someone had written those things down since both have passed now. But I never thought at that busy point in my life that I would one day want to remember all those things. So much family history is lost when the older generations are gone. Please pass it on to your family while you can. You can even just do it digitally so it can be accessed by family later on.Family pictures are something to cherish also. Just be sure to write down who is pictured in them, where they are taken and when. I have found family pictures that no one now even knows who is in them.

Answered Feb 02, 2019
Well, I have a different take here, and I hope you will take some time to think about it. I am a Social Work student and I have seen a LOT of abuse, mostly by men toward women. In other words, I've seen an awful lot of oppression of women by men. One major way men oppress women is by holding their sexuality against them. It is almost an unconscious hobby! And your attitude, well, it's a great example of a man oppressing a woman sexually, though at first that idea may seem shocking to you.

I know we can make a case for the fact that this sort of thing goes back to biology and evolution, and a guy wanting, consciously or not, to know that his child is his own, but see, this biological 'need' really does conflict with the needs and wants of many modern women who want to enjoy sex as much as men. I know plenty of women, fellow students, friends, etc., that really enjoy having sex with many partners. Well, look, it is not 1787 anymore. It's 2013. You've got to ask yourself, why does it bother you so much that your wife has been with other men, regardless of the number? Really think about that. Do you spend time contemplating the number of people who've eaten off the same plate as you have when you're in a restaurant? But they're washed, right? I'm assuming your wife has taken a shower since you've been married? I'm not being funny here. You might wonder if have a problem with sex! If you don't believe me, ask a counselor.

I won't tell you how many women my boyfriend has slept with, but it's far more than 18, and I have to tell you I never even think about it. So, really examine why this is so important to you. You mentioned not liking knowing what men have done with her. To me this smacks of abuse and control. I don't think it's healthy that it bothers you so much. Having said all of that, sure, you have the right to be disgusted if you want, but how is that being a modern guy who isn't interested in oppressing women? Honestly, your attitude about the number of partners she has had makes me very upset. There is nothing wrong with having multiple partners. Recognize that.

In Social Work, we learn acceptance. Try looking at an event as neither a positive or a negative. It just is. As an example, let's say you get fired. Well, you can look at that as a horrible thing, an opportunity, OR, as simply an event that occurred. What I'm trying to get at here is that YOU are the one making the number of sexual partners your wife has had a problem. It is not a problem by itself, you are labeling it as one. Remember, it is your hang up, not hers. What I really think is going on here is that you have a sort of sexual mismatch going on. Obviously, you are more old-fashioned about sex, which is fine, but your wife is more liberal, which ALSO is fine.

If you ask me, part of the reason she told you the truth now is because she feels oppressed, unaccepted, and perhaps even angry that she cannot be as sexual with you as she'd like. That's just a guess. I'll bet though, if you could get her to be honest, she'd confess to wanting many sexual things that you'd find repulsive - and voila, there is the true problem for the two of you. I really feel bad for her in all of this because somehow, she is not very accepting of herself...it doesn't sound like she has accepted who she is as a person, sexually or otherwise. If she did accept herself, then she would have known better than to try to hide the truth from you. She wouldn't have wanted to, instead she would have passed you over, for a guy with whom she could really be herself. At the heart of this problem is the question, "Why does your wife feel she cannot be who she really is?" THAT problem is far more important than the fact that your wife had 18 partners and 6 one-night stands! One more thing, are you sure your wife is really ready for kids? It doesn't sound like it to me. Part of her motivation for telling you the truth could be the fact that really she wants to do a lot more in life before becoming a mother. Kids are hard! They do take away your freedom. I hope you really give all of this some thought. I urge you NOT to put it behind you. Not the partners and one-night stands, but the issue of your obvious mismatch! NOTE: this is what the poster above me was talking about...there are serious problems here that shouldn't be ignored!
Answered Apr 30, 2013
Edited Apr 30, 2013
Uhhhmmm.... one of my degrees is in women's/gender studies... and WOW you really over reached here in my opinion! I think you inferred far too much based on the information given.... And actually, I think you missed the point. I think your theories may have had a tenuous level of relevance if she had disclosed her past in the beginning of their relationship and he walked away then... but, in my opinion, you missed the boat on the violation of trust they had established, and lying by omission for years. I think it was more about trust than sex... all of this is just my opinion.

Anyway... this is over a year old, and I hope it all worked out for them.

Jte42 -- if you're still around somewhere -- I hope this answer doesn't make you feel like an oppressive male stereotype....
No, I didn't over reach at all. From the amount of information given, a person could accurately infer much more than I wrote. I didn't miss the point at all. You're right, it is about trust, but not between the two of them, it's about the trust she has for herself. This woman should have trusted herself enough to have the confidence she needed to be with a man with whom she COULD fully disclose her past. And, she didn't lie by omission. Not really. It isn't her husband's business how many partners she has had. It's entirely irrelevant. It's a ridiculous hang up that men have, for whatever reason. A man puts a woman in the position to lie when he ASKS her how many partners she's had. Check out this article: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/why-does-it-matter-how-many-partners-shes-had/ Most people DO LIE about the number of partners they've had. It's stupid to ask someone!
If I may say, I don't think you over reached at all. You completely MISSED the mark. "There is nothing wrong with having multiple partners." You are correct. But lying about having had multiple partners is completely wrong and selfish. How on earth would she have known "who" would have been comfortable with her number when she met them ? And if it isn't his business to know how many partners she's had, then why would she even need to find someone who she felt comfortable sharing who she "really was" with ?

What this man is hurting about is that the woman he chose to marry ended up not being who she pretended to be. She lied to him about who she was and it's natural that now he is going to have difficulty coping with the reality. To say that a man is considered to have a hang up because of how many partners a potential mate has had is just plain ridiculous. Men put women in the position to lie ? No, women lie because they know they can get away with it. They decide what they want to tell their partner and then if the men end up finding out about it, then they blame the man, stating it's their issue.

How about giving your future spouse the opportunity to decide for himself if he wants to marry someone, based on who they are, what they have done in the past ?

The reason she finally told him the truth isn't because she feels oppressed, but perhaps her conscience finally got the better of her. She felt he deserved the truth. It is about trust, it's about the trust that he lost in her. She knowingly deceived him and now he doesn't know how to trust her.

Everything a person does, including the sexual acts they take part in and the number of partners they have reflects on their character. It just does and to say it doesn't is a justification for lying about it.

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