How can I tell my mom I want to move in with my dad?

I'm going to tell this as anonymously as possible. I'm 13 and my parents are seperated. They've seperated since I was born. They were never even married. My mom had me when she was 19 and my dad was like 5 years older than her. Supposedly, my dad never told his family about my birth until I was 2 but I don't really remember. That is the story my mom told me but, I've never actually confronted him about it. It doesn't really matter to me now because that was the past and I prefer to let go of what I can't change. What's impmortant now is that we are really close now and he loves me.

I used to dispise my dad. It's just because of these reasons that I am over now:

-He didn't pay child support for 13 years (I'm 13.)
-He supposedly, didn't tell our family about me until I was 2.
-He gave my big brother, himself, and his girlfriend everything and me what was left over.
-He barely spent time with me since he worked so much.
-He and my mom were in an argument over some reason that I still don't know.

Again, I am completely over it now because I can see that he still loves me unconditionally. It's a shame that it took me so long to figure it out. I had to get jumped and humiliated at my new school to figure that out. He literally fought for me. He was pissed when he found out that that had happened to me. I love him for that.

My big brother moved out to Florida to go to Full Sail University so it's just my dad and his girlfriend in a huge house. He's always wanted me to move in with him and I never wanted to but my opinion has totally changed. My perspective on life has changed within this past school year when my mom moved me out of my old school which I still hate her for. I see now that my dad is changing and he's trying to win me over, not just for the weekend, while I live out of a suitcase but, permanately. He still has a bunch of secrets that would make me upset, according to my brother. (They upset my brother too so he may be being bias.)

My mom is very bipolar. She has a secret boyfriend that she thinks I don't know about. She barely lets me live, invades my space, and is sometimes rude. When she's not mad she's still barely lets me live and invades my personal space. My dad barely ever has the house cleared from his work life but is very chill. He's a producer so he's always busy but when he's not he's super cool. I just have an issue with his dirty humor.

One thing that's making it harder is the fact that i'm going to have to move again and go to a completely different school 3 hours away. I don't want to leave my friends but, I do want to get away from the ghetto hood place thing and the ghetto kids.

I'm suffering at my mom's and I barely see my dad. They don't get along either. Moving in with my dad will also give me better life oppurtunity. I have made up my mind but i'm scared to tell my mom. How should I break the news to her? HELP!! no funny or phony stupid answers either. THANKS!! @_____@

There were several things in your post that make me question whether this is a sound decision. Usually, in split families like this, one parent (usually the mom) is forced to be the disciplinarian and by default the parent with less parental responsibility (usually the dad) gets to be "super cool." By necessity, the rules are the strictest where the kid lives. The "weekend" parent, tries to be more relaxed to over-compensate for not seeing the kid daily. This is so common and typical that there are TONS of movies and tv shows based on this dynamic. Most likely, when you move to your dad's house it'll get stricter, and your mom's house will become the fun house.

This is a huge decision. I would totally recommend that you talk this over with a neutral adult like a guidance counselor... someone who can sit with you and talk over the specifics of your situation with you. There are so many things that a 13-year-old doesn't know about how parenting works; I think you could really benefit from the perspective of a trusted adult with more life experience. The majority of people your age think about what they want, but they need to check in with an adult who can think about what they need.

Make sure you know what you're doing before you change your relationship with your mother this way. Understand that this could have lifelong emotional repercussions. Make sure you aren't punishing her for being the parent can't be "super cool" because she HAS to bear more responsibility. You really need to think about the fact that your mother has sacrificed and been there for you while your dad was off doing his own thing. That means more than it sounds like you realize.

Before making this decision, you might also want to talk to your mom about the two of you going to family therapy to work out some of the issues you two are having. Give her that opportunity. It sounds like there's a lot of pain in your family, but it's fallen on your mother's shoulders to make things ok and care for you without any financial support at all from your dad (which is an extremely difficult and REALLY shitty spot for your mom to be in).

So, after talking this through with an adult, if you still want to do this, a good way of telling her might be with someone like a guidance counselor present so that you have someone there who can help keep the peace and mediate the conversation... 'cause if she's a normal person, she's going to feel really pissed and hurt.

... And about your mom's boyfriend... MANY responsible parents do their best keep their romantic lives away from their children for many very good reasons. She's not "hiding" from you. It's really not your business. It's grown folk's business. She'll tell you if the relationship gets serious enough that it becomes your business. Until then, don't snoop.

I truly wish you the best of luck with sorting all of this... but really from what you say here, this doesn't sound like a good move. I'm just getting tons of red flags from what you wrote. What it really sounds like is that you want to punish your mom for having you change schools and you want to be in a big, fun house. From what you say, it doesn't sound like you're making a mature, well-considered decision. Do talk to a family therapist or counselor.

Hope it goes well, tell her truthfully, sit her down and be polite, don't show negativity even if you feel it against her.

Go ahead and move in with your Dad. How many chances do you get to be apart of his life? Let me tell you from experience that when my daughter moved in with me. I did ten times more things with her then my mother did with me. Things like going to all the school events and helping her pick out fits. Even if it seemed completely crazy or goofy I did it just to see her smile. Talked to her about boyfriends and her first kiss. (That was weird and awkward) Bottom line we had many good years together and would not give those moments up for anything.
The coolest part about the hole thing is she picked me to live with and I'll always be grateful for the time SHE GAVE US. (not a counselor, GAL or a Judge) My daughter did.

This man comes back into your life after not supporting you for 13 years and you are ready to jump ship. Child support is not just about money. Child support is about acknowledging your child and supporting them. I f he had been supporting you your mother might not have ended up in the ghetto. He sounds like a selfish terrible parent. If he is an an upscale neighborhood why was he not able to support you? You need to think about all that your mother has done to raise you and take care of you while he did nothing. At 13 you are unable to see the big picture. This man is not good enough for you. Enjoy your visits and encourage your mom to get all back child support that you are due. Gauge his reaction. If he;s angry because he has to pay, you don't need him in your life. You and your mom need family therapy. Insurance will cover it. Do it before you make a huge mistake.