Will any man want to marry someone like me?

I am almost 30 and I would like to get married and have a family. But I'm afraid that I won't be able to find a nice guy that could handle my past. I have never been in a very long relationship, and I have had sex with a lot of men. I have had a lot of one night stands and sex on first dates that only became short relationships. I've also had a few threesomes.
I was addicted to sex, but I feel much differently now about it than I used to. I've been tested and don't have any STD's or anything, it's just that I feel really bad and am embarrassed about my sexual past. I really have no desire for that lifestyle anymore though. I really want a husband and children now, but don't know if any decent guys would want someone like me to be the mother of their children. Also, I don't believe in keeping my past a secret from him. I don't think thats right.
Can I still find that special someone to start a family with, and do you think someone like me is capable of being a good mother and wife?

If you don't clearly understand WHY you have "never been in a very long relationship," I would suggest you try to figure that out before taking this big step. Wanting to have children and be married to a "nice guy" is a credible dream but there is a reason for your past. You need to understand the reason. Children are a huge responsibility forever and nice guys are often boring to someone with so much room for comparison.

You don't owe the next guy a detailed description of your past. What you owe him is a "to death do us part" commitment. If you have any doubts about whether you can make the 180 degree reversal you describe, don't do it. Once you get married, it isn't just what you want any more.

I agree with Rob.

If you haven't already, definitely figure out what propelled you to make those decisions. Even get therapy if necessary.

I was very conservative and reserved with my body... as in I could count my past and current partners on one hand and have extra fingers. My husband on the other hand is an actor who used to spend a lot of time hanging out with professional athletes... so let's just say he's had much, MUCH more practice than your average 5 guys (at least) put together.

He didn't just wish for a different life. He did a lot of work on himself to become that man. He completely abstained for 6 (or maybe 8, I don't remember) years before we started dating. He took quite a lot of time to grow into a different value system and change his habits. He relocated half-way across the country to be closer to his family so he could physically remove himself from that previous life and live in an environment that put a higher priority on family and long term relationships. He developed a rich spiritual life. He just beams strength of character and this solid-upstanding-manly-trustworthy sort of presence that just exudes I'm-a-great-man-that-you-can-build-a-life-and-get-old-with-ness. He matured and really became a man. He regrets his previous lifestyle very deeply, and keeps it private. That other guy just doesn't exist now.

When he told me all of that earlier in our relationship, I had a difficult time believing him because the person he was describing was so different from the man I saw in front of me. I knew him two years before we started dating (we met at our former temple). I saw how decent he was. I saw that he was a good man. But honestly, if he hadn't taken that time to really "detox" for lack of a better word, I probably would have considered him to be too great a risk and I wouldn't have trusted him... and I do trust him completely. We lived on opposite coasts of the country (US) for three years and I never had reason to doubt his fidelity.

So anyway, that's how one person who was in your situation turned it around... and now he has all the things you want for yourself.

Remove yourself from that lifestyle... those friends... that place... but make sure you aren't just changing your environment. Don't bring that previous person with you. I can't emphasize how important that clean/rehab time was in making his change believable. Take some SERIOUS time alone... and in the meantime, there's always www.goodvibes.com....

Good luck. What you describe is possible.

I agree with skyDancer that you need to be alone for a while and distance yourself from that past lifestyle. Stay away from other friends you may have had that live a promiscous lifestyle. They may try to bring you down. You seem very sincere that you don't want that life anymore, and want a family now. But be patient and don't rush into dating anyone.

As a man, I find it very admirable that you don't want to keep your past from a prospective husband. I think honesty is always an important quality. My wife had more partners than I did and she was totally honest with me about it, including her one night stands. I really respected her for telling me the truth and not hiding anything. It hurt to hear about my wife's one night stands at first, but then I realized they were in the past, and not a threat at all. She was the girl of my dreams and I just wanted to be with her.

If you find the right guy, and he truly loves you, he will be able to accept your past. And yes, I think you are capable of being a good mother and wife.

To me, it sounds as if your first task is to learn how to be very compassionate and accepting of yourself. I think there are probably so many different reasons for using sex compulsively: I wonder if you grew up starved for validation and affection, and were searching for that. Whatever it was, know that you were not motivated out of cruelty but out of need, and there is nothing evil about need. Please work with a good therapist to work through your feelings of self doubt and self blame. When you come to peace with yourself, accepting yourself and your history exactly as is, I believe you will have no doubts about finding a compassionate and loving mate. In fact, your painful past may actually enhance your capacity for compassion and acceptance, which are beautiful and necessary prerequisites for loving relationships. I wish you luck, love and peace.

I think you are definitely capable of finding someone who will love you for the person that you are. What's important is that you are being completely honest about your past. All a man is looking for is the chance to make a decision on who he's choosing to marry based on the truth of who that person is.

The fact that you were very sexually active may turn some men off, but if you're open and honest about it, then you will find someone who will respect you for telling the truth. They will love you for who you are and you can be proud that you didn't deceive anyone or trick them into being with you.

Too many women think it's perfectly okay to lie to their partner about their sexual past, and justify it by making it the man's issue; that he couldn't "handle" the truth. No, the women lie because they're afraid that if they tell the truth, that perhaps they won't be wanted by the man they have chosen to marry. Never mind that he should be given the opportunity to know who it is he's making a lifelong commitment to. It is too common for a woman to indulge herself sexually to whatever extent she wants and then chooses how much information she's going to provide to her partner.

You should be very proud of yourself for taking this moral stance. I did not and lied for years to my husband about my sexual past. I can tell you that it has killed my marriage, his love, respect and trust for me, and has hurt him more than words can say. Good for you and good luck in finding the love of your life.