My girlfrind of three years slept with my cosine four years before I met her and I just found out.

I met my girlfriend threw some mutual friends, she lived in the same town I grew up in.My cousin grew up in the same town as well. All of us in the Family are very close. I knew she knew my cousin and they hung out from time to time before I met her, I knew they partied and went to the same school but just a few days ago after her and I have been dating and living together for three years she told me her and my cousin had sex. this happened four years before I met her. Im so hurt and confused on what to do know. I cant get the thought of a family member that I will be in contact with for the rest of my life having sex with the women im in love with.. What if the whole family found out? I love her and I dont want others looking down on her for something she did before we met? Im not mad at her im just very heart broken and im not sure if our relationship will ever be the same.. What do I do now? I want to get over it an move on but I cant... She packed up her stuff and moved out. She said she is sorry and she knows ill never look at her the same. I dont want to break up with her but I feel like our bond has been spoiled. This is so weird for me considering neither of us are mad at each other and we both still love each other. One of the biggest turn offs for me threw my teen years were women who slept with my friends. Not to say id pass a women up who slept with someone I know but I knew I would NEVER date or get into a relationship with that girl.. This is one of the top worst situations that could come up in my relationship other than cheating. What the hell do I do know? I cant even talk it out with her or family or friends in fear of family and friends talking negative about this situation.. Im stuck and this makes me SICK!!

Im not jealous that my cousin had sex with her, its more like im hurt because I have grown to love her and she has been a huge part of my life and shes my best friend. I cant wash the image and the thought of her and my cousin having a one night stand and him treating her like a piece of random ass and then putting her to the side of the curb. From what I understand it was a one time thing and nether of them ever had lasting feelings for one another, but just the fact that he got her naked and had his way with her KILLS ME to the point I cant stop thinking about it, its tarring me up inside, it makes me sick. I cant wash the image of him making her moan in lust and passion, it makes me want to puke.. I just dont know if things will be the same if she comes back or if I can look my cousin in the face when we are all together for family functions and I defiantly dont want to hang out with him one on one when my women's with me, and it sucks because I love my cousin to death. I dont think I can handle being around him and him knowing how the love of my life, my woman is in bed... THIS SUCKS! How do I get to the point were my love for her overrides the horrific thoughts and images in my head. I want to be with her, I want to lover the same way I always have, I want things to back to normal but im not sure at this point they will. Im very distraught and confused on what is right..

I noticed you catagorized this under breakups. Is that what you want? Another person came on here with the same problem and I am going to tell you the same thing I told him. It is not important and neither you nor she is to blame. She happened to like/love your cousin and then she all of a sudden likes/loves you. There is nothing wrong with that. There are other things to worry about. Your should not end a perfetly good relationship over that.

I'm sorry to say...

This actually says more about you than her. It says you're more in love with the idea of her than the actual woman. It says you can't accept and love her for exactly who she is. It says your "love" for her is conditional and based upon her fulfilling your fantasy of who she is. It says she can't come to you with her problems because you will judge her for not being perfect in your eyes. It says you think her paint is scratched, so you'll never love her like a new car again.

It sounds like she saw this, too, and that's why she was smart to pack her bags. :-(

It's sad to see a 3-year relationship end this way, but it sounds like underneath it all, there was a pretty shaky foundation. Even the prettiest of houses will crumble on a foundation like that.

The geek in me loves that you said "cosine" instead of "cousin." Anyway, I agree with skyDancer and I think it was mainly your jealousy that killed this relationship. I tsounds like it's really jealousy and possessiveness that really is behind your being upset. It wasn't fair to punish her for who she had sex with four years before she even knew u.

I went through something similar to this. After being with my wife for over 4 years(2 years of dating, and 2 years of marriage), I found out she once had a one night stand with with someone I used to be really close friends with(before I met her). I was really depressed for a while over it.

I couldn't stand the thought of my old pal taking my wife to bed and using her for sex. I also felt like it would have been less hurtful if she had been in a relationship with him. But the fact that it was just casual sex really bothered me.
I knew that my wife had a couple one night stands before I married her, which she really regreted having, and it hurt to find out about them, but I accepted it because I love her so deeply. I just never thought that I may know one of the guys she had one with.

As soon as my wife found out that I used to be good friends with this guy that she had slept with, she told me immediately. I'm not going to lie, I was a little mad at her at first, then I realized it was before me and I had already known about it. I just didn't know who it was with and my wife didn't know I knew him. I was really sad about it, and it took a while to get over, but eventually I did, and I actually felt like I loved my wife even more after she told me because of her honesty, and not wanting to keep anything from me. I really respected her for telling me about it right away and for not wanting to keep any secrets.

The only thing I would put your girlfriend at fault for is the fact that she waited so long to tell you. If she would have told you as soon as you started dating her, it probably would have been much easier to accept. But, you have to admire your girlfriend for her honesty, and the fact that she didn't want to keep this from you.

The reason she probably told you about it is because she doesn't want to keep anything from you. I know her secret hurt to learn about, but she told you because SHE LOVES YOU. She didn't want to have this secret hidden from you, and you have to respect and love her for that.

I know this might be hard to think about right now, but you can turn a negative into a postive by realizing that she told about what she did out of her love for you.

I think you need to try to get back together with her. Tell her you appreciate her honesty. Tell her you really respect her for having the courage and integrity to tell you this.

I'll tell you another thing that I had thought about that got me through my situation. I am the ONLY man my wife will ever have sex with for the rest of her life. She is MINE. Not his. I win. I found the girl of my dreams. I love her and I got her and I'm going to keep her. Looking toward you and your girlfriend's future, and not her past, will help. She chose to be with you, and you are the one that gets to be with her and make love her to her.

You say you are confused about what is right. The right thing to do is get her back. Tell her that you were hurt, which is understandable. You needed time to think things through. You know that it is not worth losing her over this. Apologize to her for over reacting. Tell her you love her, you respect her, and you admire her for her honesty, and that you want to be with her.

As far as not wanting any family members to find out about it, I suggest having a talk with your cousin. Tell him you know about what they did, you're not mad at him, but you just want to make sure that he won't tell anyone in the family, or friends, or anyone else about it. She is the love of your life, and you just don't want any of the drama that comes along with anyone else knowing about it.

I hope this helps! Please let me know how things turn out. Good luck!