First time in love, no previous experience with girls.

My head and guts are really starting to mess because of this situation I am in, so thought I'd seek advice somewhere.

I'm a student last year in university. She's in the same class. At first I didn't notice her, maybe like for 2 years. At that time I was busy hanging out and talking with people I made frieds with. At some point she sort of joined this little group of ours. There were some things I didn't like about her, and still don't. Regardless of that, as time passed by, I realized I had developed certain feelings towards her. She's a very joyful person, the smile never leaves her face.

Now, something I should have started with probably, is that I am a very shy person. My school years I lived like a nerd, computer games being top priority. Only recently I consider my social live to have increased. Naturally, this is my first encounter with all that is happening, first girl to have so strong feelings about, and first time feeling so scared/stupid/undecided whether to do what? exactly.

At the moment we are communicating a lot, not on daily basis, but still. We don't see each other much in university, but usually chat. And it's there I am getting very mixed signals. Normally she starts the chats, asking me how I've been lately and what's new. We usually engage in lovely convesations, leading to huggies and kisses. Sometimes she calls me nice names. And after those chats, I stay awake for hours, with butterflies fluttering isnide my stomach. And I am like, ugh, || this far from asking her out, but the damn fear and uncertainty is still stopping me. I could deal with the fear, I have changed from the guy I used to be. But at least if I was a little bit sure...

As far as I know, she's ended a relationship recently, so that's another thing my inexperienced nature has to wonder about - is it a good thing to ask her now, so soon after she's ended with someone. My mind's tearing apart between fear to ask a girl for a first time (even though she probably doesn't know it) and trying to figure whether the signs are there. And other questions, like does she really have any interest in me, beyond the conversations ? Because, we have been out on few occasions, the two of us, usually about things with the university, and you can imagine I am like totally insecure at times and yet she's still ... herself pretty much, still lively and smiling ...

I have had ... some attempts to get more attention, other than stuff related to university, like do favors of different kind, offer invitations to movies, parties for different occasions and stuff. Some are met with success, though usually there are other people involved as well, I mean it's not like only me and her.

Yeah, I guess all of the above is pretty confusing, but you have to forgive a guy with no experience in the field. I didn't mention my age, but you can pretty much guess +/- 1 year. I'm not even sure what to look for and what to share in order to receive feedback, but at this point, any would be considered a blessing.
Asked Dec 30, 2011
Your fine and I hope I will help ya out. It is 2012 and people are not what they use to be.
How ... exactly ?
Anonym Dec 30, 2011
Watch the older movies. Girls were impressed with men and easier to date. I believe anyways. Girls today are too different. But I am going here with a friend and will be back in a few hours to check on ya. I hope I am really helping and you just "slow your row." ok. Happy New years.
Btw the how long did you know this girl for again? How long were you two friends? This is really help to find out. I did one last thing for you; I am not a girl, thus I put a question up 4 u. "Asking for a Girl's Point of View" Hope people will respone and this will help ya out. Cuz I really do care to help & you would try to ask like the same kind of question, therefore, girl's know. (just hope they are sincere.)
4 years, but we have been close for around a year and a half maybe. Thanks for being so involved, appreciate it.
Anonym Jan 01, 2012
Well, I know it can be tough stuff when it comes to girls! But, you should ask her out! It can't hurt! You should wait a little bit before asking her out, because she might not want to date right after a failed relationship! So in the mean time, get in her life, flirt, etc. ( If she doesn't like you, she will start to drift away, but if she does like you, you will see that she won't drift away! If you see these signs, then it should be time to ask her out! Oh, and by the way if you two are flirting, and you get closer to her while you talk, and she doesn't move away from you, she probably likes you! Hope this helped!

Answered Dec 30, 2011
All of that sounds pretty sweet, but the thing is, I don't imagine flirting happening that easily. Not by me at least. And most certainly not if there's a chance to backfire. I should note that I value the emotional part of this whole story, I am not really in it for the physical part, like sex or pure physical attraction. That's been missing in my entire life so far, and I am honest in saying I find no need for it. No, I don't think platonic, but it's certainly not something I strive for at the moment. Which is most likely due to lack of experience again, but anyway, you get the point.

I guess what I am trying to say is if there's some way to find whether she likes me, or if I should just fight the fear and go for it, regardless of the uncertainty and the fact that it will probably be pretty damn awkward.
Anonym Dec 30, 2011
I.) Stay with the friendship until you are sure.
i.) Try to figure out if she is the type to lead you into a relationship. If
if so let her lead you into one, because you might scare her away.
ii.) She might want you to lead her and that's a little tough to tell,
because you can ruin the whole thing, by testing the idea. Just feel
it out.
iii.) Do not take about dating, relationships, or whatever. Let her talk a
little about it. Keep it let's hangout or hang with friends.
Sometimes, when you hangout alone or with others; she might fall
in love.

II.) Things to do.
i.) Do you two like the do the same things? Is yes, well that is the best
grown for relationship. Friends fall in love with (hopefully) sincere
ii.) You want to differ in some things, but not all.
iii.) Also you want someone to share your life with, not control it or
change it. Share life, and talk about problems. Life is too short to
fight, so enjoy it and think.

III.) How to act.
i.) Always be you.
ii.) Do not be loud and show off. Be laid back and calm. Be real.
iii.) When talking, look in her eyes do not look away until she does,
for this will show her you are strong-willed not weak.
iv.) Think about cute things to do for her and ask her to things you do.
EX A: If you are making a speach about "teen depession" invite
invite her to it with teacher permission.
EX B: If you play football, invite her to a game to watch you.
v.) Impress her friends & family. If her friends & family like you, they
will keep talking about you. Thus leading her to like you more.
vi.) Time Will lead if it is right. Just beware of the fakes.
Answered Dec 30, 2011
Thanks for the guidelines. They are certainly something to work with.

About 1. Sounds like a good starting point. I don't mind the passive actions you are suggesting, but there's something I don't understand. How do I know if she's trying to lead into a relationship ? I think I have described much about it in my first post. There are some signals and then there are some other. It is very hard for me to read and interpret all of it.

II. We do have a lot in common and then some differences as well. I am afraid that she might think of me as old me, as in described in the first post, although I have tried my best to show that I can be a funny guy. I am sure in one thing though, I am capable of being me, and judging by others, it's something they like.

III. Quite useful overall. Working with her friends and family is something I had not considered before.
Anonym Dec 31, 2011
It is hard to tell when someone likes you. I admit.
However, When she goes out with you a lot and hangs with you well that's looking good.
I think you will feel it when the time is right. If not sure later on, bring up dating . Like I really like to go steady with you. See what she says, if it's not good. Tell her you just wanna be friends until time might change that.
Here's a little update. I sent her a poem for New Year, basically something about good wishes. I am pretty creative when it comes to stuff like that, so I made it with rhymes and think it turned out pretty sweet. In short, I wished for her to have all the best. It was the first message I sent after 00:00, and I told her so. Few hours later she replied with something along the lines of "I cannot express my thanks and how happy it made me feel, you truly are a great friend". Those were her words. Now, I go back rereading them over and over because it makes me feel awesome, but ... friend ? Now, I don't know what reaction to expect from her after receiving a good poem, but could her reply possibly mean friendship is as far as she's willing to go, at this point ? And if so, should I even attempt anything 'next step' related ? And most importantly - what ?
Anonym Dec 31, 2011
I think she was flattered. Ummm. Well keep it as friends for now. Ok, because it is better to be friends than no make someone mad and not be friends at all. May I ask how old is she? Sometime age will explain why she might be just wanting to be friends. Maybe she isn't ready to go further, I detest to say this, but maybe she likes another, or you looks at just as a friend.

Maybe she just secretly likes you, never know. But keep all of this in mind to be prepared. Always look at all possibles. Keep it friends for now. Do not push it, just hang with her.
She's 23, like me. I don't know if it's the age or that she ended a relationship not long ago, like a month or so. Oh, and don't worry about saying anything. My head might be in the clouds right now, but I'm still very objective in everything I do, think and feel.
Anonym Jan 01, 2012

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