Relationship HELP - long story.


Me and my ex broke up 3 years ago after being together for 5 1/2 years. I stayed in Ottawa, she moved back home for a year, we had a solid 8 months apart which was good for us. I saw other girls, but nothing ever could spark anything with me, nothing, no one. I went home in the summer to work, so we started hanging out again, she stated to let things happen naturally and she still had feelings for me. But then she got mad since she thought I was trying to get with some older lady ( which I wasn't ), her new found friends gave her false advice. We didn't talk for half the summer or saw each other, but when we both got back to Ottawa for continue school, we didn't really see or talk for 2 weeks, but then we ended up hanging out a lot, going for dinners, sleep overs, cuddling, movies, fooling around. It's been like that for awhile.

Then that spring my father suddenly died, him and I didn't get along but I was meaning to try repair our relationship to a degree, so it was very hard. I didn't tell her that day since we had a dinner planned, I just told her I was tired, I couldn't bail on her, she means so much to me. I told her the next day and was totally there for me, the only person I could talk to about anything about that matter.

The summer when we went home we hung out, but didn't do all we wanted since we both worked, and I was still dealing with family issues. So this past fall we moved back, hung out, I basically stayed at her place for the first week since we flew back to Ottawa together and I wasn't fully used to my new place with friends.

We still hung out, talked, went out, did certain things, she ever talked about how she missed me and thought about US, but I still had underlying issues with my dad. For my birthday she made me supper and a cute cake, just the two of us. Christmas was good, we went home and saw friends and family, hung out on her birthday and new years.

The new semester came, and I was becoming a little cabin feverish, with bad weather and thinking of family stuff that came back up over the christmas break. She'd complain we never hung out as much or something, would still want to cuddle and go for dinners or movies (date like things). Even in public settings would try hold me, by the hand or arm. It was like this for awhile, but I knew my father issues were getting in the way and putting a block on me. So I sought off for help, I looked to friends and a counsellor to talk to and vent my issues to, to try help myself, to better us. I did this on my own through a counselor at school, she wasn't aware.

Valentines came, and she wanted to go out for desert, we did and coffee at "our" spot. It was super nice for some reason, just something about it clicked me. I was feeling better, she was there for me. So I thought, now Jesse, your better, now fucking man up.

She went to NYC for a long weekend with a classmate, and sadly enough, she met some random guy at a bar, in his 30's with a degree, working at princeton, with thoughts of going to law school (she goes to law school, so I wasn't sure if that was brought up after she had said anything or not). Apparently he was nice, attractive, and "had a car", and "was just a MAN". This guy doesn't have facebook but they talk still only using text messaging.

She told me this and I was totally crushed, she asked why I was weird about it, but I was crushed, I told her that and that I was jealous. She then said I had plenty of chances but failed to act. ( because I was fixing ME before I felt comfortable doing so), and she said we cant be together RIGHT now.

But seriously, how could that work? its long distance, hes older and says hes well established, and she's only getting to the half way point of school?

She said maybe we cant even be friends and not talk and needed time and space. On the walk home, I got a text from her just talking, I later saw her a couple days after, hanging out, talking on facebook, phone or text. Really confusing me?

Since then I barely sleep, or eat. I go to the gym everyday with firing frustrations and love. I've lost TWENTY FIVE POUNDS in that time frame.

And I recently found out today she's yet to DROP me. I'm deeply depressed, not focusing on school, barley getting by. I got my hair chopped off friday and she called tuesday said I looked good. I said something to upset her, but she seems very very touchy? then the next day we discussed getting our tattoos soon.

Very confusing.

Give up the love of my life? my inspiration? soul mate? best friend? lover?
Or do I give her time and space, show her who I am and what I can do now?

Asked Mar 23, 2011
It sounds like you acted responsibly by getting yourself together before seriously committing, so I hope you aren't beating yourself up.

Let me think about what to do... and maybe in the meantime, someone will have something brilliant to say....

Hang in there. :-)
Answered Mar 23, 2011
The feeling I get from reading this is that there are some important issues that aren't included above. If she's hooking up with the lawyer from Jersey, she obvously doesn't consider you her soul mate, lover, et al.

We understand what you want. Now tell us what your ex would have written if she were telling this story. We don't need a detailed description of the cupcakes you had for Valentine's day, just to understand why someone would be willing to toss away 5 1/2 years of their life for a venture into the unknown.

Answered Mar 24, 2011
Edited Mar 24, 2011

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