If I knew you, I'd give you a big hug.
Here's advice from a 34-year-old woman who has never had a pregnancy scare in her life.
My mother had me when she was 14. I saw how hard she had to work to provide me with everything I needed. She worked HARD, all the time, with no break. She always had to put my needs before her own. I love my mother and she is a great mother, but I never wanted to be in her shoes, so I learned how to take care of myself and make good decisions.
I don't particularly like children, and don't want any of my own. I personally couldn't have an abortion, so I make sure to be careful and knowledgeable so I'm never in that position.
My best advice would be wait until your mid-twenties at least, but it's a little late for that. So:
1. NEVER have unprotected sex.
Take this as your wake-up call. Always use a condom. ALWAYS. Don't rely on the boy: bring your own. Find out how to get them for free from a school nurse or a health project. STDs are real. Some can rob you of your fertility altogether. Some can kill you, like HIV/AIDS. My friend has HPV--an incurable STD--that has caused her to develop cervical cancer. Now, she has to deal with treatment, and will always be afraid that the cancer will come back.
I know you've seen commercials and heard about the dangers of STDs. You may think this is just adults trying to scare you. Truth is: it really is scary, and your partners won't always be honest with you about their history, you might be scared to ask, or you might get swept up in the moment and forget to ask. Or you might just want to do what he says so you can please him and he'll like you (really not good, btw).
ALWAYS protect yourself. If the guy objects, tell him you have to look out for yourself and he should be happy you won't be draggin' his butt to court for child support. If he won't protect you (or himself) by wearing a condom, move on. It may hurt if you really like him, but remember: he refused to protect you. That's not cool.
2. Use a second birth control method as well.
So, condom + pill. Condom + spermicide. Condom + sponge. Condom + any doctor prescribed method. Condom + SOMETHING! It's not wise to rely on condoms alone. They can tear, get poked during application, or come off. Any number of things can happen and you have to be prepared for that with a back-up method. Just because you're using a second method, don't skip the condom.
3. Understand your body's fertility cycle. There's good information at http://www.tcoyf.com. I know it's tedious, but read and understand the information. That might take some time... and it's seriously boring... but understanding how your body works and planning around that will help settle your mind. You can get a digital thermometer at a drug store for less than $10.
4. Know when you're ovulating. The site I mentioned will teach you how to take your basal body temperature to know when you're ovulating. It's more important to know when you're ovulating than to know when you're period happens from the standpoint of pregnancy avoidance. It'll be a drag in the beginning, but then it'll be just like second nature and won't be a big deal.
The site will also teach you other ovulation signs to look for like changes in vaginal fluid. You must know how your body works to protect yourself.
5. NEVER have sex when you're ovulating, just before or just after. NEVER. These are the days that you can get pregnant. These are just off-limit days.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't rely on this alone. Do use condoms ALWAYS. Do use a second back-up method ALWAYS. Use two other methods in addition to monitoring at all times. I say this because this won't protect you from STDs. Plus some women are less likely to be consistent with the daily temperature monitoring. They might skip days, or not measure at the same time each morning before getting out of bed.
6. Morning after pills are controversial for many, including myself. But, especially if you're slipping up and not being consistent with birth control (which is dangerous) look into them to see if it's right for you. If so, know where to get one and have the money set aside for this emergency BEFORE you have the emergency so you can act right away. They may be free at Planned Parenthood.
7. When you're old enough for a doctor to give you one, look into getting an IUD and see if it's right for you. They are said to be as effective as getting your tubes tied, but you can remove them when you want to conceive. Planned Parenthood has lower prices to help women without insurance get these.
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Yes, this all seems like a lot of work and a lot to learn, especially the daily temperature monitoring... but again, I have never been afraid that I was accidentally pregnant.
I've had plenty of good sex in caring, supportive, long-term, monogamous relationships. I've also played by the 6-month rule: no sex for the first six months of the relationship to allow time to make sure it was right for me. It is better with love, and it is better when you're old enough to understand those complex emotions. Making love is so much more intense than having sex. There is a big difference.
Know your body. Know yourself. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. Find an adult you can trust. And it's okay to wait and fly solo.
Big love. Be safe.
Answered Feb 16, 2011
Edited Feb 17, 2011
