How can I stop hating women?

Hi there, I was wondering if anyone could help shed some light onto the way i've been feeling over the past couple of years. I've come to the startling realisation that as soon as I think about a woman, I automatically think 'compulsive liar, manipulative, slutty and uncaring' which I believe is stopping me from being able to get into another relationship with a woman.

I also want to state that I have never, EVER been violent toward a female and I am totally against it.

Basically I think it stems from being cheated on twice in two consecutive realtionships. The first 1 was a 5 year relationship, we were living together and I had proposed to the girl literally the day before I actually found out she was sleeping with one of my close friends while I worked out of town.

The second, I actually believe I was the other guy but she played it so well that I believed I was the only guy. I only found out when I went to see her on a planned visit down to her place and she cancelled on me last minute, unbeknownst to her I was literally around the corner already as I was early and bored and wanted to see her after being out of town for a few weeks, and knocked on her door only to be answered by a half naked guy with her under a blanket on the living room couch complete with a shocked look on her face. I drove off and never actually heard from her again. We had been together for a year at this point.

The first experience with a cheating partner, the one with my close friend was also a learning experience in that violence doesn't solve anything. I lost my temper when I found about the affair and beat the crap out of my so called friend for betraying me, but in my rage I didn't know when to stop which resulted in him as well as his neighbour who tried to stop me being hospitalised and having some pretty bad charges laid against me, of which I was convicted of (something that I now have to live with for the rest of my life, and that I am certainly not proud of). My fiance then took me for everything I owned as well which hurt a lot, the fact that she could betray me and then take what I had worked so damn hard to get for both of us to try and make a better life for us both.

Now all I see when I talk to women are liars, whenever my friends are having trouble with their girlfriends I automatically assume 'she's gonna cheat', although I don't say this because I also know that I have some underlying issue in my head that makes me somehow tar all women with the same brush.

I know what I think isn't right, but I just can't give a woman a chance now, I think im afraid of opening up and trusting a partner again for fear of being hurt. I also think maybe i'm thinking "if I dont trust someone then I can't be betrayed again, so i'm better off alone."

For the record, I'm not homosexual or Bi-sexual. I dont have a problem with that either, but my sexual preferance is purely of a hetero-sexual nature. I find women incredibly attractive and even like to cuddle up and spend time with them by myself, it's just when it's time to actually make it an exclusive relationship, I run for the hills.

What makes me think that this is a hatred issue, is because I never had commitment issues with any of my previous relationships at all.

Please can someone help me? What is wrong with me and how can I fix this, do I need some professional help?
tiredfella
Asked Jan 25, 2011
Edited Jan 25, 2011

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One of the surest routes to failure is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. You should take a close look at the criteria you use to choose the women you get involved with. There are many women who are honest and faithful. They aren't the ones that crawl in bed with someone on the second date and usually have goals and principles. You may have to take some time with her and maybe even marry her but in the long run it will be worth it.
Rob
Answered Jan 25, 2011

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