For the purpose of keeping things brief, I ask that you take my word on the things I tell you without me giving intense details.
I am 29 years old, I am in the healthcare field, prior military, college graduate and now furthering my education to become a Physicians Assistant. I am responsible, organized and respectful. I am very socially mature and never meet a stranger. I am outgoing and positive. The only flaws I have that I think would cause me problems is that I am a little overweight, I can be impatient sometimes and due to being a Paramedic for 8 years, I have a very "dark" and sarcastic sense of humor.
Every single woman I have ever been with has cheated on me. I have been married once before, but divorced over her infidelity. I have NEVER cheated on someone and I never will. I admittedly become attached to someone quickly, but I am not overly clingly and I give women their space, I think it is healthy for space in a relationship.
The woman I am with now used to blow my mind. I thought she was "the one" so-to-speak. I fell in love with her. She has a history of sexual abuse (incest) and has a father who has taught her to compartmentalize her emotions. Throughout her life, she has been a "sex object" to men and has never had a true "committed" relationship. She was taught as a child and throughout her young school days and into early adulthood that sex was "hush-hush" and that sex was more of a "dirty deed" and a way to provide service to someone as a "thanks" or in exchange for them being nice to her. She never developed a sense of sensuality and intimacy related to sex. She actually became a self-mutilator, inflicting over 400 scars on her body. (believe it or not, but the location of the scars makes them hardly noticeable unless you look really hard)
My career required me to be gone for a month at the very beginning of our relationship. She had just moved to the town we lived in and had no friends at all, was in a brand new job and was a full time student at a very demanding university. She lived in the dorms. We had made plans to get an apartment together. We were "in-love". As I left for this month away with my job, she cheated on me.
She met a guy at work who "befriended" her. She swears that her initial intentions were innocent. She has some serious emotional issues and has difficulty making friends, so someone from work reaching out to her and initiating a friendship was very exciting to her. I was gone and now she finally had a friend. They hung out, he let her do her laundry at his place and they watched movies etc... Well, one night they decided to have some drinks and watch funny movies. They had sex all night long, then again the next morning. She said she blacked out during the sex that night(secondary to alcohol), then when she woke up the next morning, he was coming onto her sexually. She felt all was lost and allowed him to have sex with her again. She claims she did this out of a sense of "obligation" to him for doing things for her and being so nice to her. She felt awkward because her mindset has been that if a guy is nice to you, you repay him with sex. So, returning to work, alone in this big city, no friends except this guy, and me thousands of miles away and not coming home for a month, she went to his house again. She claims that she was confused. She said that she was trying to figure out if she had feelings for the guy or if she really did just "whore" herself out to the guy. She experienced a life changing realization that she truly is psychologically "messed up" and needs help. After initiating oral sex with him in his kitchen, she realized this and subsequently broke things off all together. It took her a month after I returned home, then one day, just came out and confessed it to me without me suspecting it at all. she was distraught and terrified of losing me and sick that she had done it and felt awful. She even cut herself in her "private" area as a "punishment" to herself.
I, being in healthcare, immediately realized that she was significantly disturbed and needed immediate psychiatric and psychological intervention. I accepted her apology outwardly, but not inwardly, simply out of a best interest for her safety and health.
It is now several months later. She has gotten into therapy. She has been totally compliant with therapy. She has made some drastic changes to her life and is doing WONDERFULLY. Her entire attitude about herself and sexuality has changed around and has become rather positive. She has been totally faithful to me and is doing a lot of things to try and make our relationship "perfect".
My problem is, I have not actually dealt with my anger over the situation and I have been burying my feelings of betrayal and hatred towards her for her actions. I am afraid to bring it up again because she gets VERY upset saying "this whole thing isn't over" and "you'll never let it go" etc.. and I am afraid that a true release of my emotions will send her into a pit of dangerous depression and despair.
I have become so wrapped up in her and her "healing" that I feel like if we were to break-up and I were to move on, I would be losing something HUGE. I do love the girl, but I do not know how to get past my anger, hurt, jealousy and rage over what she did to me. I want to make our relationship work, but I find myself in the middle of a psychotic and unstable soap opera with her wishy washy emotions as she goes through therapy.
WHAT DO I DO???
Do I stay with her? Do I leave her? I am about to start PA school, and I do not want excessive stress during this. If I leave her, how do I cope with the loss? If I stay, how do I deal with my emotions that never got addressed from her infidelity?
I am 29 years old, I am in the healthcare field, prior military, college graduate and now furthering my education to become a Physicians Assistant. I am responsible, organized and respectful. I am very socially mature and never meet a stranger. I am outgoing and positive. The only flaws I have that I think would cause me problems is that I am a little overweight, I can be impatient sometimes and due to being a Paramedic for 8 years, I have a very "dark" and sarcastic sense of humor.
Every single woman I have ever been with has cheated on me. I have been married once before, but divorced over her infidelity. I have NEVER cheated on someone and I never will. I admittedly become attached to someone quickly, but I am not overly clingly and I give women their space, I think it is healthy for space in a relationship.
The woman I am with now used to blow my mind. I thought she was "the one" so-to-speak. I fell in love with her. She has a history of sexual abuse (incest) and has a father who has taught her to compartmentalize her emotions. Throughout her life, she has been a "sex object" to men and has never had a true "committed" relationship. She was taught as a child and throughout her young school days and into early adulthood that sex was "hush-hush" and that sex was more of a "dirty deed" and a way to provide service to someone as a "thanks" or in exchange for them being nice to her. She never developed a sense of sensuality and intimacy related to sex. She actually became a self-mutilator, inflicting over 400 scars on her body. (believe it or not, but the location of the scars makes them hardly noticeable unless you look really hard)
My career required me to be gone for a month at the very beginning of our relationship. She had just moved to the town we lived in and had no friends at all, was in a brand new job and was a full time student at a very demanding university. She lived in the dorms. We had made plans to get an apartment together. We were "in-love". As I left for this month away with my job, she cheated on me.
She met a guy at work who "befriended" her. She swears that her initial intentions were innocent. She has some serious emotional issues and has difficulty making friends, so someone from work reaching out to her and initiating a friendship was very exciting to her. I was gone and now she finally had a friend. They hung out, he let her do her laundry at his place and they watched movies etc... Well, one night they decided to have some drinks and watch funny movies. They had sex all night long, then again the next morning. She said she blacked out during the sex that night(secondary to alcohol), then when she woke up the next morning, he was coming onto her sexually. She felt all was lost and allowed him to have sex with her again. She claims she did this out of a sense of "obligation" to him for doing things for her and being so nice to her. She felt awkward because her mindset has been that if a guy is nice to you, you repay him with sex. So, returning to work, alone in this big city, no friends except this guy, and me thousands of miles away and not coming home for a month, she went to his house again. She claims that she was confused. She said that she was trying to figure out if she had feelings for the guy or if she really did just "whore" herself out to the guy. She experienced a life changing realization that she truly is psychologically "messed up" and needs help. After initiating oral sex with him in his kitchen, she realized this and subsequently broke things off all together. It took her a month after I returned home, then one day, just came out and confessed it to me without me suspecting it at all. she was distraught and terrified of losing me and sick that she had done it and felt awful. She even cut herself in her "private" area as a "punishment" to herself.
I, being in healthcare, immediately realized that she was significantly disturbed and needed immediate psychiatric and psychological intervention. I accepted her apology outwardly, but not inwardly, simply out of a best interest for her safety and health.
It is now several months later. She has gotten into therapy. She has been totally compliant with therapy. She has made some drastic changes to her life and is doing WONDERFULLY. Her entire attitude about herself and sexuality has changed around and has become rather positive. She has been totally faithful to me and is doing a lot of things to try and make our relationship "perfect".
My problem is, I have not actually dealt with my anger over the situation and I have been burying my feelings of betrayal and hatred towards her for her actions. I am afraid to bring it up again because she gets VERY upset saying "this whole thing isn't over" and "you'll never let it go" etc.. and I am afraid that a true release of my emotions will send her into a pit of dangerous depression and despair.
I have become so wrapped up in her and her "healing" that I feel like if we were to break-up and I were to move on, I would be losing something HUGE. I do love the girl, but I do not know how to get past my anger, hurt, jealousy and rage over what she did to me. I want to make our relationship work, but I find myself in the middle of a psychotic and unstable soap opera with her wishy washy emotions as she goes through therapy.
WHAT DO I DO???
Do I stay with her? Do I leave her? I am about to start PA school, and I do not want excessive stress during this. If I leave her, how do I cope with the loss? If I stay, how do I deal with my emotions that never got addressed from her infidelity?
Asked Dec 14, 2010
0
