My mother is lashing out at me again

I am someone who believes in the motto "The truth shall set you free." I am not into religion, just wisdom and the benefits of making wise choices. There are many truths in my life that are less than ideal like my mother's constant emotional abuse of me and her insistence that I am a burden etc. Anytime she has a disagreement with my father, which happens a lot, she finds some unrelated reason to blame me. Its so absurd but that what is happening again and again. I am so stressed by her constant dumping on me. She said she hates me so much today she wants to kill me. This has been happening since the last 2-3 years. She takes her setbacks with other people out on me. I want to move out but is it safe to just set out all by myself? I have many concerns and doubts about how optimal that would be.

What should I do about my mother? She is no longer the same gentle, understanding person she was. I am quite sure she needs psychiatric or some professional treatment. She has been steadily losing it to some burden she is holding inside about the way things went wrong between her and her mother and how that too is my fault.

My father's lack of concern for her is also affecting her badly. The problem comes when she starts blaming me instead of seeing I am also having problems of our extended and immediate families being dysfunctional.

Can she be healed? Should I do that? She won't even admit she need help. She says she wants to leave and doesn't even want to remember me. How did you guys find moving out etc.

On your moving out, you left out the most critical information: How old are you? Would you have a place to stay? Would you be able to make enough money to support yourself? If you're old enough and capable of making it on your own, I would move out.

Otherwise, assuming your father isn't going to stand up for you, explain your story to a school or church counselor or any other adult that might be able to speak on your behalf. In absence of all else, you can go to the local juvenile court or social services office and ask them if you can be placed in a foster home.

I have no crystal ball to be able to tell you what's wrong in your family. Understand that the primary symptom of people with emotional problems is what they say. What your mom is saying could be symptoms of an illness and not how she really feels. It's very possible that she could be "healed," the challenge would be to get her to accept treatment. Until she realizes she needs help or something happens to get the system involved, that's unlikely.

None of us have the ability to change someone else. We can only change ourselves. Do your best to get an education and make sure you don't get bogged down by this experience. Whether you become a victim will depend on how you react to it. Try to be as positive as you can under the circumstances. Time is on your side.

I agree strongly with Rob (above). The only thing I would add is that (1) your mother seems to need help and she'd better got it sooner rather than later, to avoid it snowballing beyond recognition or proportions.; and, (2) your father is leaving a timebomb to tick right under his heart. He is surely underestimating the power of the blast to come. Advice him. Prompt HIM to do something good about it.

Let me emphasise too what Rob had said, time is on your side, it is not your responsibility to solve the problem, but you can act as a catalyst and as a part of the solution provided you can do that WITHOUT you getting embroiled, in order to avoid being wasted or contaminated.

Stay home, that is your best bet at any age until you are married.

Good Luck, AU