Hello. My name is T... And im looking for some help with my friend. I am a Male that is 22 years old and I have a female friend of mine that is 22 as well. She has helped me and supported me through a lot of tough times and so have I. We have been arguing for the past 2 months consistently now. I have nothing but love for this friend but because of the emotional traumas I have had in my life I feel I have pushed this friend away from me. Instead of listening to her words I listened to the emotion in the words ands got angry when she uses bad tones with me. I wish I didn't do that but I guess I dont learn how to think before I speak. I have never had any ill intentions towards this friend and I love and care for her very dearly. I was planning on sending this letter to her but I dont know if it will be affective and im looking for a little help.
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I truly am asking you from the bottom of my heart to listen to my words. I never meant to push you away from me. I never learned to listen to your words but I would listen to the emotion in what you where saying. Whenever you spoke to me you sounded so bothered so hurt! It kills me to hear you like that because then I sat there wondering “what happened? What can I do? How can I help her? But I never expressed myself correctly. I wish I didn’t do that but I don’t have ill intentions nor do I want problems with you. I was really happy with the friendship I had with you. You made me really happy and helped me through some tough situations. I lost myself in the mix of all the confusion and couldn’t act correctly around you. I’ve always believed good friends support each other and be there for each other. I really don’t think you’re a bad friend and I hope you don’t feel like that. Maybe I’m the one who didn’t know how to be a good friend but I didn’t mean not to be…I just wish you could really see that I’m trying to be good and trying to understand. There’s nothing wrong with you doing you. I was just use to being a certain way with you and when all that stress hit you I tried and tried to reach out to you to let me help. I guess there’s very little I can do in that sense. I listened a lot to all of your words and took them into consideration. The fact that I don’t have my degree at 22 really has always bothered me and there really were reasons that interfered with my progress in that. Are they excusable? I would say no but I was young and inexperienced. I thought I could work my way through them without anyone’s help and I was wrong. In this light I really forgot about all the accomplishments I had made for myself as of yet. I began to regret and doubt and I felt like I had something to prove to be your friend. You didn’t put that on my plate it was self inflicted. It truly hurts me to know that someone I honestly care for doesn’t want to speak to me because of a misinterpretation. You once told me “I can’t give me the attention I’m looking for.” I’m very sorry that you interpreted my actions as that but honestly I just wanted to be close to you. I didn’t look for attention I really just wanted you to be a part of your life as you were mine. I’m not perfect at all even though I try to be..I’m not Superman even as much as I want to be. I try to be there for everyone and do everything for everyone but I guess you can’t make the world happy. I’m always learning everyday is a new life experience. I respect you a lot and I even applaud you for being able to handle workload of 5 classes in grad school.
I truly don’t understand why you think you have to explain things to me. But I think because of my actions I was so caught in trying to be a certain way I lost myself. It’s not your fault it’s strictly mine. When I call you I never meant to bother it’s just my emotions really get the best of me sometimes. I can’t control them like everyone else can. I’m seeking help for this not from you but from a professional. Over the course of the past couple days this professional has truly opened my eyes to new scenarios in life and how to lead a fulfilling lifestyle..I need my family now more than ever and I think the loneliness factor of not being with them has also affected my personality.
"M" I have a lot of pain in my heart and the burden on my shoulders is really heavy to carry. But these aren’t your problems they are mine and I now know more than ever I need to correct them. When Natasha died I felt truly responsible because the night before her death she reached out to me and I was so caught up in my lifestyle that I couldn’t listen to her. I think that caused me to try and support each and every of my friends… People tell me I’m not responsible and deep down I know I’m truly not but I still feel a bit responsible. Maybe I could have helped her, Maybe if I listened that wouldn’t have happened….and that was the beginning in my train of thought. I really want to be useful to my friends and not be casted away. But you are correct if I don’t help myself I can’t help the way I want to.
I guess what I’m trying to explain here to you is that I’ve made my mistakes and the aftermath is hard to deal with. But I really didn’t mean them. I didn’t want to hurt you, nor bother you, nor be a bad friend to you. Just every time I opened my mouth the words I wanted to come out didn’t come out.
"k" has been kind enough to give me some of her time and explain certain things. Though I am still confused I really wanted you to know how I feel. I don’t want you to feel bad or feel like you owe me anything because that’s not the case. I just truly loved your friendship. If you don’t want me contacting you or bothering you I’ll be hurt but I won’t be angry with you. I’ll understand that given my actions things aren’t reversible and I’ll have to deal with that consequence.
I’m really sorry.
________________________________________________________
I truly am asking you from the bottom of my heart to listen to my words. I never meant to push you away from me. I never learned to listen to your words but I would listen to the emotion in what you where saying. Whenever you spoke to me you sounded so bothered so hurt! It kills me to hear you like that because then I sat there wondering “what happened? What can I do? How can I help her? But I never expressed myself correctly. I wish I didn’t do that but I don’t have ill intentions nor do I want problems with you. I was really happy with the friendship I had with you. You made me really happy and helped me through some tough situations. I lost myself in the mix of all the confusion and couldn’t act correctly around you. I’ve always believed good friends support each other and be there for each other. I really don’t think you’re a bad friend and I hope you don’t feel like that. Maybe I’m the one who didn’t know how to be a good friend but I didn’t mean not to be…I just wish you could really see that I’m trying to be good and trying to understand. There’s nothing wrong with you doing you. I was just use to being a certain way with you and when all that stress hit you I tried and tried to reach out to you to let me help. I guess there’s very little I can do in that sense. I listened a lot to all of your words and took them into consideration. The fact that I don’t have my degree at 22 really has always bothered me and there really were reasons that interfered with my progress in that. Are they excusable? I would say no but I was young and inexperienced. I thought I could work my way through them without anyone’s help and I was wrong. In this light I really forgot about all the accomplishments I had made for myself as of yet. I began to regret and doubt and I felt like I had something to prove to be your friend. You didn’t put that on my plate it was self inflicted. It truly hurts me to know that someone I honestly care for doesn’t want to speak to me because of a misinterpretation. You once told me “I can’t give me the attention I’m looking for.” I’m very sorry that you interpreted my actions as that but honestly I just wanted to be close to you. I didn’t look for attention I really just wanted you to be a part of your life as you were mine. I’m not perfect at all even though I try to be..I’m not Superman even as much as I want to be. I try to be there for everyone and do everything for everyone but I guess you can’t make the world happy. I’m always learning everyday is a new life experience. I respect you a lot and I even applaud you for being able to handle workload of 5 classes in grad school.
I truly don’t understand why you think you have to explain things to me. But I think because of my actions I was so caught in trying to be a certain way I lost myself. It’s not your fault it’s strictly mine. When I call you I never meant to bother it’s just my emotions really get the best of me sometimes. I can’t control them like everyone else can. I’m seeking help for this not from you but from a professional. Over the course of the past couple days this professional has truly opened my eyes to new scenarios in life and how to lead a fulfilling lifestyle..I need my family now more than ever and I think the loneliness factor of not being with them has also affected my personality.
"M" I have a lot of pain in my heart and the burden on my shoulders is really heavy to carry. But these aren’t your problems they are mine and I now know more than ever I need to correct them. When Natasha died I felt truly responsible because the night before her death she reached out to me and I was so caught up in my lifestyle that I couldn’t listen to her. I think that caused me to try and support each and every of my friends… People tell me I’m not responsible and deep down I know I’m truly not but I still feel a bit responsible. Maybe I could have helped her, Maybe if I listened that wouldn’t have happened….and that was the beginning in my train of thought. I really want to be useful to my friends and not be casted away. But you are correct if I don’t help myself I can’t help the way I want to.
I guess what I’m trying to explain here to you is that I’ve made my mistakes and the aftermath is hard to deal with. But I really didn’t mean them. I didn’t want to hurt you, nor bother you, nor be a bad friend to you. Just every time I opened my mouth the words I wanted to come out didn’t come out.
"k" has been kind enough to give me some of her time and explain certain things. Though I am still confused I really wanted you to know how I feel. I don’t want you to feel bad or feel like you owe me anything because that’s not the case. I just truly loved your friendship. If you don’t want me contacting you or bothering you I’ll be hurt but I won’t be angry with you. I’ll understand that given my actions things aren’t reversible and I’ll have to deal with that consequence.
I’m really sorry.
Asked Sep 20, 2010
0
