I'm desperate to have her (and she's my cousin)

I really don't know how this happened to me and it's so torturing!
When we were kids (me 10 and her 6) she was like a little sister to me because I didn't have any, instead I have two brothers. And because she wasn't a sibling than a relative she became my favorite cousin to tease and sometimes play with. God she was so cute when she was kid...
When I was 12 my parents sent me to study in Switzerland.That is a tradition in our family we go in foreign country and continue with our studies there and work, my brothers were too. Anyway, when I came back home (now 26) I had to face a lot of things because everything changed I mean in physical way. My parents, my brothers, my whole family including HER!
When she saw me didn't recognized me at first, but when I said " no pears to forgotten cousins" because she used to eat them a lot when she was a kid when she knew who I was she ran to me and jumped to hug me. The both of us were happy to see each other again...
But because my parents and my brothers live with her parents and sisters in community (they live in huge mansion, and our fathers are brothers) I was spending a lot of time with her when I wasn't working. She remind like she was before: Sweet, kind, generous with a beautiful smile and yet she was so different in a physical way. She bloomed into a very beautiful and attractive girl. Everything about her is so tempting and irresistible to me: her face, her long black hair, her body who is killing me! At the beginning I tried to avoid her because when she was closer to me like when she was hugging me I started to get exited (in a sexual way) but I've always left before it happened. And I thought that this thing I feel for her will go away, but it didn't. I fell in love with her so desperately and I decide to tell her. At first she was shocked and suddenly left the room.
I can feel and I know that she scares to be near my side because she was avoiding me.
When nobody was home I tried to talk to her but she didn't wanna listen, ran up the stairs and she closed herself in her room. I ran too but I couldn't catch her. It wasn't my attention to abuse her or anything like that. I love her and I would never do such a thing to her. Anyway when I tried to open the door it was locked. I begged her to open but she didn't. I said that I won't do anything that she didn't want to, she said no. And then she started to cry and asking me why I'm I doing this?
I said because I love her and I need her to be with me. She said that thing never gonna happen because we are cousins and she loves me only in that way. I said that I don't want her to see me like her cousin anymore and I was begging her to give me a chance she said no, because is too wrong and she told me to leave her alone. I left but I told her that I will fight for her.
Two days after this I saw her walking in the dark street and going home while I was in my car.
I offered her to enter in the car and go home together but as always she said no. I told her that I won't leave her alone until she go home with me, she said no again! I said: I'm the same kid you used to hang out remember? and she said: No, not anymore... I told her that street is dangerous and I won't leave her to go home by her self. She said that the street is safer than me and then I got pissed off and left from car. Then I grabbed her and pulled her to me and I told her that she would stay there unsaved over my dead body, and somehow she said OK.
when we came home I closed the doors of the car and told her that she will talk to me whether she like that or not. She said that the thing I was doing is wrong. I said no, that I wasn't playing game or something and that my feelings for her are real. She said that thing is impossible between us. Than I asked her did she'll ever give me chance, did she'll ever let me to hug her and touch her the way I want? She begged me not to mention that anymore and she was crying. I grabbed her behind the neck and told that I love her, I need her and wanna make love to her! Her breathing was so slowly and she was just looking me in the eyes and then I kissed her with so passion I carried inside in me and I didn't leave her for 3 or 4 minutes, then she said that was wrong and begging me to leave her. I said no. She asked did she ever somehow gave me occasion to do this, I said yes because of her selfless personality and her beauty. She promised me that we will talk again tomorrow only if I left her go now. I said OK.

I need some really good advice I don't know what to do with this love...
I want her with me so badly! I can't even imagine her with other guy I would kill him!
I wanna have more moments with her like that kiss, sometimes I dream that she's on my bed
and making love to her all night and when I woke up I realize that never happened which hurt as hell!
And when I'm having sex with other girl I have flash backs of her

Everything you've written is about what you want as if the feelings of your cousin, her family and your family mean nothing. If she had written this description from her point of view, I would advise her to discuss the issue with your father and uncle. She has an absolute right not to have to deal with this.

Man up, find some self control and go out in the world and get a life. It's not all about you.

http://www.ehelp.com/questions/10441060/my-cousin-wants-me-to-be-with-him-i-dont-know-what-to-do

i believe that your cousin wwrote this. read her side of the story. personally I think this is sick. shes you cousin dude! im not judging, but come on really? im sure that there is someone else out there just as good if not better then her for you.