What are these strange physical feelings I am getting? Can anyone relate? What do I do?

I'm 18 I've always known I'm a lesbian. Ever since I was 4, I already made a "move" by telling this girl I thought was pretty that I wanted to go to Disneyland with her.. But of course because I was so young, I wasn't taken seriously as liking girls or anything, which I am now VERY glad because I don't want anyone to know I'm a lesbian. I've always suppressed all the feelings I've had for girls inside by going out with some of the guys that have asked me out- I'm considered one of the prettier girls so no one would ever believe I am a lesbian- and never have I actually felt attraction for those guys.
Well lately, I've been getting a lot more dreams at a time than usual about this girl (one of my best friends) I've been in love with since I was 14 or just girls in general and when I wake up, I dwell on the dreams because I wish so much those dreams were real leading to more depression. And then several times that I've been out, I've been getting these strange physical reactions inside that I don't usually feel when I'm out randomly. They're like enormous tingles that run through my heart, stomach, .."everywhere"... It's a feeling I get when I really want to just pin her down, hug her, kiss her, and lay with her forever. Oh and although I'm considered a decently pretty girl by the average eye, I'm also a tomboy at times so I like to imagine myself as the one protecting her, holding her, being more of the "man" in the relationship, in my fantasy of course.
What do I do? What are these strange feelings I'm getting in me from time to time and why do I get them? To get rid of them temporarily, I take in a deep breath and try thinking of other things. But eventually it comes back very soon. Have any of you felt these as well? Can anyone relate? I'm so lost and confused.. I wish I were straight; no one would ever believe I'm a lesbian so I just don't know what to do other than mope around having these thoughts. To be honest, I wish I were a man more than a straight woman because that's how badly I want to be with another girl, but I would never change myself and become a transexual. I want to stay a female and be with another, but I doubt that will ever happen so it's just easier to wish to be straight.. Thank you in advance for reading this load of text.
Anonymous User
Anonymous User
Asked Aug 30, 2010
Edited Aug 30, 2010
We can wish all we want to be someone else but when the wishing is all over, we're always still the same person. The answer isn't wishing, it's accepting yourself for who you are. Before you go out in the world and try to deal with all of your confusing emotions, first learn to accept yourself.

Forget all of the introspection and self analysis. There's a lot of therapy in Popeye's famous line, "I yam, who I yam." Not just Popeye, we're all are just ourselves. Don't try to force life. Relax and go with the flow. The right person will come along and the real you will be ready.
Answered Aug 30, 2010

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