Does she love me or not?

For the past two years I have been in love with a 34 year old woman in my office I am 47 but the age thing is unimportant to her. She has been living for the past five years with her boyfriend who seems abusive to her. On several occasions she has said to me that she would love to move out but due to her salary she can’t. She basically told me one day that she falls in love with the wrong kind of guy like the “bad boy” type. She is divorced because her ex cheated on her. I too am going through a divorce and she was my moral support. As of yet it has not been finalized.

We started out like anyone else communicating. We seem to hit it off right away. We must have spent our entire days together. I would ask her if she would join me for coffee and we would spend an hour together just talking about the days events. She even asked me for my cell number. On special days like her birthday I would take her out to dinner. Last year I literally fell in love with her on her birthday. It struck me like a ton of bricks. I began to e-mail back and forth. First it was general e-mails then they grew more intense and more personal. She would share personal stories about herself as far as her visits to the gyno are concerned and when she felt bad on her time of the month. I would write to her love poetry and the like. Last Valentine’s Day I went overboard by writing a beautiful love poem with a red rose. She freaked out and didn’t know what to do so she called me on the cell phone and said to me we are only co-workers right? I said yes.

One day she said for me to watch the phones for her while she stepped out of the office. She had left her computer without logging off. I noticed that her e-mail folder under her inbox had my initials in the saved folder list. I was skeptical and click on the folder, and to my amazement I literally saw all of my e-mails for the past year saved to her outlook folder. I was in shock. I thought she must have some kind of feelings for me??? What kind of woman selectively saves romantic e-mails from someone else???

Recently I have noticed her not talking as much to me, or wanting to go out for coffee. She never knew I saw her e-mail account though. I had left it exactly as I found it. Now she casually talks to me small talk and that’s it. I don’t know if it got too serious for her or what. At least she remembers all the nice things I have ever done for her.

About a week ago she was transferred to another nearby office within the same company. It is about one minute away by car. I know she is stressing out over there because I know the type of person she is. Last Friday she called me on my cell phone going home to tell me what is going on. I calmed her down and told her how smart, beautiful and valuable she is. She worries too much.

In a nut shell I basically want to tell her that I love her. My problem is that I am afraid of rejection that is why I have never said it to her before. I have only written it via e-mails, love letters and notes, never in person. I remember once she confronted me what was wrong and we sat down as I cried in front of her telling her that I had feelings for her. She said to me that I was married at the time and she was seeing someone else. Maybe if we both were single it would be different. We left it at that with a hug. Last Thanksgiving after work she gave me a big hug and an accidental kiss on the lips from the corners of our mouths. When we hug it is very tight and long. Basically I am at my wits end. I think she has feelings for me but I don’t know if she loves me or not. Some one out there please help me I am so confused!!!!!

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Hi Rob,
Thank you for responding to my question. In my eyes she sees me as the "Nice Guy" or the "friend zone". She has told me in the past that I have a great personality and that any girl would consider herself lucky to be with me. She also compliments me on my clothes and that I look nice. One month ago she thought her e-mail was being spied on by her boss. I told her that I will stop sending her e-mails. She said no you don’t need to stop, just be careful what I send or say about her boss in my e-mails to her. She has kept about 227 of my e-mails in her Outlook within a year’s time. I have also caught her reading my e-mails over again on many occasions. I know she does this deliberately because she knew I would be nearby when she is reading them. I guess that's why she saves them, I don't know the answer. In the e-mails I send to her I basically pour my heart out to her but in person she does not acknowledge anything. It's just business as usual. I basically say to her "you are very intelligent, very beautiful and above all very valuable". She has a low self esteem and is very self conscious about her body. In my eyes she is perfect. Next week will be her 34th birthday. About four of us in the office will be taking her out. I don't know what she is afraid of. Two weeks ago I wrote a poem about her lovely eyes and when I asked her what she thought about it she finally replied saying "it was nice". She does not give me a straight answer on whether she loves me or not. If you saw her "guy friend" that she is with, he looks like an assassin / killer. He even charges her rent for living in the same household with him!!! I'm looking forward on your response to this, thank you very much again for you input, I really appreciate it.
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You have to wonder why a woman who is receiving roses and poems from one guy would rather continue in an abusive relationship with another instead. I think that's the clue. You offer little challenge for her. Many women like head-nodding suck-ups for friends but for their boyfriend they want someone that's in charge. You don't have to be abusive but you have to be strong and in control. Tell her what you think. Date some other women until the two of you can come to a better understanding. Let her know she's not the only girl on the playground.

Both of you are adults. If the two of you can discuss her ob-gyn visit, you certainly should be able to clear the air on where your relationship stands. You just have to ask and most important, be willing to accept the answer. If she says its not going anywhere that's not necessarily the final word, it just says back off and give her a chance to realize that what she's losing might be better than what she has at home.

what I can do whan she,s not responce