My mother is also a insomniac, bi-polar, compulsive hoarder with anger issues that wants to be waited on hand and foot. If she doesn't get her way she will go hours out of her way to bitch me and my three younger brothers out. She actually threatened to take my brothers and I out of activities because we weren't home enough for her and she thought we were doing it to avoid her. WELL yeah...it's true but who wants to go home to a house that is completely crowed with random stuff everywhere. I mean there is hardly any room to walk and to make matters worse she has three small yip yap dogs and a three cats. (I'm taking my cat when I get out of there) I have no idea how she expects me to have room to live there and she feels the need to be waited on hand and foot. She also wants my brothers and I to clean the impossible and gets extremely angry when we don't have it done. I will be a graphic designer (hopefully) by then and it's cluttered, messy and we still have dial-up. We can't even get high-speed internet there.
I've got into huge arguments over this fact and everything else I've mentioned. I even suggested living in an apartment in the area. This pissed her off greatly and she basically screamed at me for a month. She has threatened to completely disown me if I don't do as she says and drop my loans. She continues to hold this loan thing over my head.
I really would like to move with my boyfriend. I feel that financially this is the best choice but it is also a big taboo in my hometown. This is a big move and I'm completely scared... any suggestions to make this easier? I really don't want to live in a small town with people that gossip and with a mother that is trying to control my life. I don't want to be known as the girl that ran away with her boyfriend.
I'm also atheist and my mom is one of those praise the lord Christians even though we never went to church... I'm a good person and I know right from wrong and I have good morals. I just don't like organized Christianity and the money aspect to it. My mother doesn't know this at all by the way...
I'm never angry (except with my mother) and I feel severely desensitized to everything. I really have no emotions they've been dulled down greatly. I also think I may even have mild Post traumatic stress from my life. I'm always afraid she'll show up. She has shown up without notice a lot. One time I was with my boyfriend... I'm twenty... She has no control over me but she seems to find a way. I've tried talking but that just ends up in a screaming battle and I just end up ignoring her because I really don't want the unnecessary violence. She feels as though she doesn't have to listen to me because I will "never grow up and always be her baby". The same goes for my brothers but I can already see that it is to a lesser extent. According to her I even taught them how to talk back to her and "brainwashed" them into going to college. Yes. She didn't want me to go to college. I was brainwashed by the school and my grandmother. She wanted me to take vo-tech in high school. Oh... my dad just lets her do it. He doesn't do anything because I think he fears her.
This is only the beginning. I could say much more and it feels good to vent. I do love my mom but she is a difficult person to live with...
Any suggestions on gathering up the courage to move out of hell?