How can I tell my mother I don't want her moving so close to me?

How do I tell my mother I absolutely do not want her moving as close to me as she wants? She is very needy and difficult. She does not get along at all with my husband - they have fallen out several times and hardly ever see each other now (his choice) and I find her hard work, to say the least.

She lives about 2.5 hrs drive away at the moment but has decided she wants to move closer to me and my brothers (and our families). We 3 all live about 50 miles apart (in a "triangle") but she seems to have picked on me as the one to live near.

She has not discussed this with me, just said she is thinking about it and we'll talk when she next visits end-February. Then yesterday she sends me details of a house for sale that is 2 miles from my house. I am totally freaked out!

Typically my Mum will visit us twice a year and I'll go to stay with her twice a year. I'd like it to be a bit more often, but not much! We aren't very close, but that suits me fine.

My life has been tough and very stressful in the past 4-5 years and it is finally on an even keel. I am really happy, my work-life balance is great and everything fits together very well. We don't have enough weekends to see all our friends or do the things we like, but we just about juggle that to an acceptable level.

Now it feels like she is imposing herself onto my life, introducing stress and demands that I don't want and all because she wants to see more of me/my son - and assumes that I feel the same. Whereas I feel she is invading my life and I'm scared that she is going to screw up my happiness.

She tries to say that she gets along OK with my husband really, but she is kidding herself - he tolerates her brief visits for my sake, but would not care if he never saw her again.

I can't tell her where to live, but I don't want to see her more than once or twice a month because I know she will drive me crazy otherwise. I know that is not what she has in mind - when she lived close to my brother several years ago, she was always dropping in and getting upset when they didn't invite her round every weekend.

I don't want to hurt her but neither do I want her to ruin my life. I have to find a way to be honest about how I feel, but not a way that devastates her or makes her think she can just carry on with her plans.

I am losing sleep and having nightmares about this so any help is really really welcome!!!

When I moved away for college my mom wanted to move with me. After about 27 screaming fights and dragging her against her will to 3 different therapists, she finally got the message. So basically, just keep at it, she'll get it eventually.

frist take her out pamper her then grop the coboom i do'nt want you to move so close to me

I think you have to look at your mums insecurities and fears also. She is getting older and less independent maybe and maybe wanting a daughter/mother relationship back. If she is to move closer, I think you need to be honest and say" hey it is great to have you close and maybe we could do lunch every second tuesday. That way you are putting the perimeters. Then say " pretty much every day is booked out, but I can put that day aside and we can have some quality time together. That way your mum know that day is just for her, but you have made it clear that the other days are no go zone. How is she imposing on your life? Is she requesting time of you or is this just assumed? I think you need to be upfront, but do go out of your way to make some time special - just for her. I think she would appreciate that and feel like she has a daughter. Hope it goes well. My mum, leaves 20 mins away and she is high maintenence too, but she is my Mum and if anything happened to her I would wish for all the times that I could have been with her. Let her know that you love her, but things are tracking well in your life and that you look foward to the once a month/ week/ fortnight lunch with her. If you cant fit that into your life then I think may be you are the one with the issues. take it easy and chill! You may not have her tomorrow.

My mother just bought a house 3 houses down from me. She did not tell me, and she was very mad that I found out before the move. I am feel the same way you do Katey22. We are not close, and I rather not have a relationship with her. She has issues with everyone in our family and causes drama all the time. She lies. I am so upset. I am at loss on how to protect my inner peace and my family. I know that I must take one day at a time and see how this new arrangement works out. I also know that she is happy that she has upset me. I am just really afraid of how far she will let this go. I know it is hard to understand how a daughter can feel so betrayed by her own mother, but I do.