I don't know what to do....I don't want to be like this anymore.

Hello, my name is Tuesday.
**I just realized this is kinda long so you don't have to read it if you don't want to ^^ (Thanks though, if you do)

I never told anyone about this; even though, overall, I've learned how to keep myself pretty happy. Anyways, I know we all have problems..and I'm definitely not saying mine's any more important than anyone else's....but yeah. I worry too much of what other people think of me, getting other people's approval is extremely important. I blame myself if I don't. I mean, I try my best. I feel like I'm never good enough for anything. And I always think that if I get something really good (ie: someone says something really kind to me), that I don't deserve it and I have to make it up to that person 2x more. I don't mean to sound "self-pity" - ish or conceited. >.< I just can't help it. I thought I was a masochist because of this (and also because this one time my friend pushed me and I kind of liked it) , but maybe I'm in denial? I don't trust myself with choices because I'm afraid to make the wrong choice. Gosh, I'm so messed up, I know. PS: I don't mean that in a conceited way XD
I'm sorry it was so long!! Thank you for reading my stupid rant or whatevur this is~ T___T<3
PSS: I'm not suicidal or anything!! Like, I would never hurt myself in a "bleeding" type of way.. (Thanks again for reading)

This is probably going to sound like really lame advice, but just take a chill pill so to speak. You're so worried about what everyone thinks that you turned a simple question into an entire paragraph. "Don't think of me as conceited, I'm sorry for making this so long, I'm not suicidal, I'm not saying I'm more important than anyone else..." Blah blah blah. Just chillllllllll. This is a help website, you're here asking for help. We're not here to judge you, we're here to answer you. Besides, what would you care what I think of you? You don't know me, I don't know you, chances are absolutely astronomical that we'll ever meet. I'm just some guy in another place on this planet who is here to reply to your inquiries. Anyways... When someone says something nice to you, just shut up and take the damned compliment. I hate it when I say something nice to someone (especially a girl), like, "You're pretty." and they go, "No I'm not." or accuse me of lying or something. Not everyone is on this earth to deceive you. The most important thing is to get a group of friends whom you can trust to tell it to you like it is. All my friends never accuse me of lying, because I simply don't lie. I don't care what others think. If a girl says to me, "Does this dress make me look fat?" and I think it does, I'm going to say, "Yes." I don't sugar coat anything, and I think the whole world would be a much better place if everyone else followed the example I lead. Anyways, you don't need everyone's approval all the time. 90% of the world are a bunch of drooling moronic slack jawed idiots. The queen of the fools, is still a fool. You don't want everyone to like you (you just think you do). Besides, you can only please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time. If you pretend to like football to get one guy to like you, someone else is going to dislike you, either for pretending to be something that you're not, or for liking football, because I for example, hate both of those things, masquerading, and sports. Moving on... What you described does not fulfill the requirements of being a masochist, so you're basically just in denial about yourself and how great (or maybe sucky, I don't really know you) you are as a person. As for decisions, just suck it up and accept the consequences. Life revolves around 50/50 chances. Your entire fate can, and will change with the flip of a coin. Just shut your eyes tight and dive right into to this crazy whirlpool we call the real world. There are certain things that even I don't leave up to chance, however that doesn't apply to decision making so much as actions. For example: I was helping my dad remodel his store, and there were these lights I just couldn't get to screw into the wall, so instead of forcing it, I asked my dad if he could do it instead, saying I didn't want to break something. Well he tried it, and he stripped the screw, broke the light, and poked a hole into the wall. See what I did there? Now he can't be mad at me (which, he wasn't) because it wasn't my fault. Basically, I avoid stress and drama, and when it comes to certain risks, well if you don't have to take a risk, then don't. There's no reason to play basketball on the side of a cliff when there's a perfectly good court right across the street. Now I'm not saying I never take risks, I actually live life from one wild moment to the next. It's pretty nuts, but the point is, don't take unnecessary risks. Anyways, that's just a big schpiel about my life views. I have tons more if you're interested, just ask. As a final note, I'd like to say I'm quite impressed that you managed to type all that with proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, and with proper capitalization. I'm so sick of all the "txt sp33k" on the net. So thank you for lightening my day by exercising your ability to actually use your brain.

-Oni_Kami

Dear Tuesday,
I know how you feel, I have the excat same problem, I strive for peoples approvable even the poeple that tick me off. In fact if I don't get approvable from people, I become upset and hit a wall (which I admit I like), and then I strive even more for that persons approvable. Also when someone makes fun of me or hurts me, I think I deserve it because I am not good enough for there approvable. Sadly all this gets me in to trouble with my mom beucase she gets ticked at me when I let people walk over or when I still care about somebody even after they have ran my name into the ground. I am so happy right now that I am not as alone as I thought I was :)...btw I have one piece of advice, Try to forget about the people that you don't get approvable from, that way you have one less person you are striving to get approvable from!! Anyways Good luck with EVERYTHING, and remember you maybe different but that does not mean you can be loved or understud by somebody, it just means you have to work a little harder for it and when you do get it, the reward is SWEET!!!

You sound like me one year ago. I had a psychological societal problem. Meaning I was not used to outside contact. I was incredibly shy and had some mental problems. I always felt extremely fat and rotten. I felt untalented and stupid. Even though my grade average always stood highest. I ate healthy foods and exercised. I'm a lover of it and a great drummer. I always felt like I never deserved anything I got. Then I learned I was too modest. I learned to take complements and other things. I thought deep inside of what was keeping me in a shell and got some friends. I started to actually stop crying and start collecting myself figuring out WHO I AM. Go forth. Figure out who you are! I cant tell you BECAUSE I'm not you. You are you. But you have to learn that first.

Love yourself. You are worth it! Write down 5 things good about you and place it on the mirror and say those nice things to yourself everyday. You may not believe it right now but if you keep telling yourself these positive traits you will begin to believe them.

Dear Tuesday,
You sound young to me. I had that problem and to an extent still do. Everyone wants to be liked and accepted by everyone. But it is an unrealistic desire. And in the end will have the opposite effect. Trying to make people like you is a sure fire way to make people not like you because people don't like pushovers. My advice is to be yourself, speak your mind, think before you speak, decide who you are and try to convey that to others. You may have fewer people to interact with but those few will really be good, like minded people who will respect you more for not being fake. Life is long my friend and get used to it. The ones that matter will come along, the trick is communicating on a real true level. You'll get there, asking for help is the first step. Taking the advice is the next... your ball.