How do I leave him? He won't let me

Hi I've been trying to break up with my bf for awhile now. I'm 6 months pregnant with his baby and lets just make this short and say that he's not a good father figure. I think i'm in a abusive relationship but he's never actually physically hurt me. I won't go into everything bc it takes too long(look at my other post). Yeah so anyway i broke up with him a few months ago after i called the cops on him bc he was drunk and threatening me and wouldn't let me leave. Well I gave him a second chance bc i loved him...he didn't change so i finally worked up the courage and tried for real to break up with him. Its like he wont let me,he says "we arent breaking up" and that he'll be at my house tomorrow to pick me up for breakfast///he's like freaking out bad and im a lil scared..he keeps calling me and wont take no for an answer...he thinks he has done nothing wrong and that im leaving him for no reason. I'm pregnant i don't need this stress. How do i leave him For good??? Also i don't trust him to care for the baby bc he is always loaded on pills or drunk and denies it. How would i go about all that shit? i never thought t would come to this. Please help. reply. And don't tell me he's no good for me and shit bc I know that's why i need help leaving him. thanks
babygurl2
Asked Dec 14, 2009
Edited Dec 14, 2009
Well personally I think u should ask a friend or a parent bc if he won't let u it cold b a risk and since your pregnant u wouldn't want to hav anything hurt your baby
ummm im 15 so u dnt have to take dis advice but to make dis fast I think you should change ur number and look for anyother place to live
and u shouldnt make any contact wit him at all
and that should help you get over him bkz u want b arund him for him to do the lil sweet thing to try and get u back and he want have the number to contact you to say sweet thing to get u back
i
jazz1616
Answered Jul 12, 2010
Do you have parents you can go to? Brothers? Sisters? Friends? Try to find anybody that can help you, someone you can really trust. If worse comes to worse try to get a restraining order against him before he hurts the baby and/or you. Just try to be careful because if he is acting that way it sounds like he could probably lash out/lose it at any point. You can always call the police when he starts that crap of saying you all ain't breaking up, let them handle him before you end up hurt from stress or if he would get physical. Good luck, I hope it gets better for you and your baby.
lowlife
Answered Dec 14, 2009
hit's you once shame on him anymore it's your fault for not leaving. Asking how to leave an abusive relationship is a bit like asking how to get through a door. You open the door and walk through.
garand
Answered Dec 18, 2009
this is seriously unhelpful and insensitive.
This shows a complete lack of understanding of the power dynamics in abusive relationships. It's actually very difficult to leave an abusive relationship, especially with a threatening person who is stronger, more aggressive, and clearly more crazy than you. Additionally, many times abusive spouses make it difficult for the abused to leave by making them dependent on them in many ways. Go educate yourself so you don't look like a prick.
love means different things to different people, sometimes you love someone when they aren't always nice to you. but thats what you believe you deserve or that's part of love. there's no black and white. but no one wants to feel bad or worthless, whether its by their partner or a friend giving advice.
missile Jun 29, 2010
Asw garand said ..open the door , walk out . it really that easy . remeber how you got into it all ? how it started ? and most of all , how you got pregnant ?
NOW open that door and walk on out and go away from him .....as simple as a country and western song ...Walk Away Little Girl
langpiel
Answered Jan 20, 2010
hey,it's not that easy. I've been there and any of you that say just open the door and walk out,PLEASE......It's so not like that.I can help you if you still want it.
Rachel Feb 01, 2010
Completely agree with Rachel. Anyone saying it's as easy as walk away clearly has absolutely no experience of being abused in a relationship, whether physically or emotionally.
okay short and sweet im 30 years old my kids are 13,9 4 and they are still mentally missed up from his abuse he held a knife to my throat about 6 years ago it lasted all weekend my kids where scared to death at first everything was fine he never put his hands on me tell that one day my daughter ran out of the house after being in the house all weekend with her crazy ass daddy he had no problems at all doing this to his kids he jusy went crazy so my point is please leave him before the baby comes you can protect the baby now it's in your stomach but when it's born you might not be so lucky does he live with you if not have someone stay with you and tell him GOODBYE........
mary0101
Answered Feb 01, 2010
Edited Feb 01, 2010
ok your guy maybe didn't hold a knife to your throat. Maybe he didn't do this or that or this or that but he obviously did something bad enough that you are scared.Read carefully, I have been there and have safely gotten out and have a new life now. How I got here and what I went through is absolutely a miracle and I still think God was carrying me the whole time. Please post a comment if you want me to help you anymorew. I really will.
Rachel
Answered Feb 01, 2010
babygurl . . .how are you doing? are you still around?

There is no easy way out of this. . .at least not if you define "Easy" as not messy. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I am in a very similar situation.
He and I started out as friends for years, and then this past spring he pushed very hard for me to give him a chance. . and after enough guilt trips, I did. He was a prince charming for the most part up till this winter. The emotional and verbal abuse became overwhelming by the new year. . .and to add to it, I am now near 3 month prego with his child. At the time we concieved, this would have been wonderful . . but now I fear how he treats me and how he will treat this child.
He also has a drinking problem . . and I know how manipulative and intimidating a guy can be when he all of a sudden acts concerned about the realationship, the baby on the way, etc. . . . and my "man" (using that term loosely) finds and says all the right words to make me doubt my opinions and give him another chance via guilt trips and apoloogies and promises. But I know it wont last.. . .and I know I dont want to marry him anymore. . .He is NOT the one, and he is not responisble or mature enough (despite being 13 years older than me -- 40) to look after a baby that needs to be fed and changed and burped, soothed, etc. I wish I had the courage to just walk away . . .but then he threatens me with how i "ain't seen nothing yet" in relation to his anger and drinking and temper. . .and how i will come home to find my belonging destroyed, my reputation ruined, and my pets/animals dead or missing. He made it clear this is how he really is. . .take it or leave it. And I dont want it.

I am headed to my family this weekend. . .a 5 hour drive. . .they do not know that I am prego.. . but I need to tell them and ask their help . . as embarrasing as it is.. I may resort to needing to move in with family for the birth and first year of my childs life. . I think in situations such as your and mine, extreme measures are the only way out.. . . If you get the courage to take that first step, keep walking. . .and it is WAY better if your friends and family are there to support you, knowing what he is like. . . . I know I am a good person and am going to be a fantastic mother . . a fantastic SINGLE mother even. It will be hard, but it will be way healthier and safer.

If your feelings are so strong in concerns to your health and happiness and that of your baby, the best thing you can do is get far away from him and take control, get friends and family support and counselling ( I am now seeing someone. . waltking through the door was hard. . but after that it was wonderful and comforting -- there are many free services for planned parenting) even . .what is so important now is making a solid commitment to what is best for YOU and realizing at this stage, he is only good for child support financially untill he can grow up and clean up enough to be there physically for your child (it's he choice to better himself or miss out). . . . if he has any respect for either of you, he will work on that. And I think thoes who love and respect you are going to add to your strength so dont be scared to confide in them. Their love is incredible and comes without fine print!

I know that my bf always tells me the baby is "his" and his say is always the "final" one and how lucky i am but how i need to be more greatful and agree nire etc. Well you know what. . . it doesnt have to be that way . . . we do not owe these guys anything.. . . you have tried and i have tried. . . and if you have to repeatedly give these guys chances, they are NOT appreciating them, and that is inexcusable. They need to prove they are grown ups if they are wanting part of anything. . .respect is so important. . without it you have no security in terms of love/relationships or staying civil.

I know you said he hasnt been physically abusive. Well, I say that too . . but I worry one day he will be angry enough and/or drunk enough that he might. . .and honestly, i sometimes wish he would rather hit me once than say and do the things he does over and over . . . because then he could maybe SEE what dammage he's done rather than blame it on my being too sensitive and thinking it doesnt hurt. It would be enough to make me walk away, but I think if I stayed that long I should have known better.

I dont know that this has been any help, but I want you to know you are not alone! You and I both know in our hearts WHAT to do, now it is just HOW to do it safely and effectively. . . and realistically, it is up to us but we dont have to do it alone. . .get a support system and dont be scared to ask for help. :)
Imsomebody82
Answered Feb 05, 2010
Seconded. Take this advice, it's good. Thanks, Imsomebody82, for posting this. I hope things work out for both of you.
you need to talk to somebody girl. And he is not no father tell him to step up his game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
keyanna99999
Answered Feb 06, 2010
go to the courthouse and get an order of protection, if he comes near you or calls you he will be areested
baddttom
Answered Feb 24, 2010
or arrested
baddttom, you can edit your answers after you post them. There's no need to correct yourself using comments.
My mom had the same problem when me and her were with my dad and well yea I know it aint easy to leave. Some people have a harder time getting away from bad ppl but anyways you should save up money and then work up the courage to move somewhere else. Make sure he doesnt notice though, yea I know it sounds like running away but its either that, try to talk him into becoming a better person, or get a restraining order against him. Your pregnant you should step up to him and dont back down just because of what he says, your a strong person and you could show it to him that he does not control you at all.
ShadowMylan
Answered Feb 27, 2010
lay down the law
Hatrat
Answered Apr 03, 2010
there are so many ways to answer this quiestion, how do I leave? whenever you ask a friend they all tell the same thing ;eave him he aint shit you can do better. but they never realize the the truth of the matter. the person who you have shared you love, life, secrets,your mind body and soul is hurting you. mentally, physically, and more than often emotionally. the statics are so bad everyone I know just laughs it off like dont worry about it girl ya'll be together nrxt week or even worse wait until he buys you those diamond earrings cause you know hes sorry.. its so much more than just leaving, its yor heart that breaks everytime you believe that there gonna change and then seeing it in there eyes when they dont. you think your the only mother that has been int hat situtation or still is? no unfortunatly your not, gettin in is so easy. the words, the good sex, the money, the amazing feelings of true love cause nonone ever loved you the way that person has. no one ever understood you the way that person has, no its your mind,body, soul to that person and for them to use and abuse it anyway they see fit..i know people are going to read this and say its an excuse for abuse but no unfortunatly its reality when she is ready to stop getting beat down by words, fists and love then and she and only she can leave. because at the end of the day she is alwyas going to feel like she broke up the "family" and has to answer to that child as to why mommy and daddy arent together any more. beacuse the reason why so many women stay id cause when they were givin warnings from friends,family, co-workers about the person they never lesson. people always want the poison from the apple tree..just to prove people wrong and sometimes, just sometimes it pays to listen to others advice..
caseyisjones
Answered Jun 09, 2010
leave call the cops
you need to be safe
Alexa
Answered Jul 15, 2010
Edited Jul 15, 2010

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