babygurl . . .how are you doing? are you still around?
There is no easy way out of this. . .at least not if you define "Easy" as not messy. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I am in a very similar situation.
He and I started out as friends for years, and then this past spring he pushed very hard for me to give him a chance. . and after enough guilt trips, I did. He was a prince charming for the most part up till this winter. The emotional and verbal abuse became overwhelming by the new year. . .and to add to it, I am now near 3 month prego with his child. At the time we concieved, this would have been wonderful . . but now I fear how he treats me and how he will treat this child.
He also has a drinking problem . . and I know how manipulative and intimidating a guy can be when he all of a sudden acts concerned about the realationship, the baby on the way, etc. . . . and my "man" (using that term loosely) finds and says all the right words to make me doubt my opinions and give him another chance via guilt trips and apoloogies and promises. But I know it wont last.. . .and I know I dont want to marry him anymore. . .He is NOT the one, and he is not responisble or mature enough (despite being 13 years older than me -- 40) to look after a baby that needs to be fed and changed and burped, soothed, etc. I wish I had the courage to just walk away . . .but then he threatens me with how i "ain't seen nothing yet" in relation to his anger and drinking and temper. . .and how i will come home to find my belonging destroyed, my reputation ruined, and my pets/animals dead or missing. He made it clear this is how he really is. . .take it or leave it. And I dont want it.
I am headed to my family this weekend. . .a 5 hour drive. . .they do not know that I am prego.. . but I need to tell them and ask their help . . as embarrasing as it is.. I may resort to needing to move in with family for the birth and first year of my childs life. . I think in situations such as your and mine, extreme measures are the only way out.. . . If you get the courage to take that first step, keep walking. . .and it is WAY better if your friends and family are there to support you, knowing what he is like. . . . I know I am a good person and am going to be a fantastic mother . . a fantastic SINGLE mother even. It will be hard, but it will be way healthier and safer.
If your feelings are so strong in concerns to your health and happiness and that of your baby, the best thing you can do is get far away from him and take control, get friends and family support and counselling ( I am now seeing someone. . waltking through the door was hard. . but after that it was wonderful and comforting -- there are many free services for planned parenting) even . .what is so important now is making a solid commitment to what is best for YOU and realizing at this stage, he is only good for child support financially untill he can grow up and clean up enough to be there physically for your child (it's he choice to better himself or miss out). . . . if he has any respect for either of you, he will work on that. And I think thoes who love and respect you are going to add to your strength so dont be scared to confide in them. Their love is incredible and comes without fine print!
I know that my bf always tells me the baby is "his" and his say is always the "final" one and how lucky i am but how i need to be more greatful and agree nire etc. Well you know what. . . it doesnt have to be that way . . . we do not owe these guys anything.. . . you have tried and i have tried. . . and if you have to repeatedly give these guys chances, they are NOT appreciating them, and that is inexcusable. They need to prove they are grown ups if they are wanting part of anything. . .respect is so important. . without it you have no security in terms of love/relationships or staying civil.
I know you said he hasnt been physically abusive. Well, I say that too . . but I worry one day he will be angry enough and/or drunk enough that he might. . .and honestly, i sometimes wish he would rather hit me once than say and do the things he does over and over . . . because then he could maybe SEE what dammage he's done rather than blame it on my being too sensitive and thinking it doesnt hurt. It would be enough to make me walk away, but I think if I stayed that long I should have known better.
I dont know that this has been any help, but I want you to know you are not alone! You and I both know in our hearts WHAT to do, now it is just HOW to do it safely and effectively. . . and realistically, it is up to us but we dont have to do it alone. . .get a support system and dont be scared to ask for help. :)